Back to you
by o0S0o
Summary: Bella & Edward fall in love in Chicago 1918. With bad luck & worse timing Bella & Edward are separated, will they be able to find each other, even when they think the other died a century ago? And how does Bella know the rest of the Cullen's?
1. A change is here

**A/N: I do not own the Twilight Saga, all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

BPOV

"I really don't want to go mother," I called out from my bedroom.

"Isabella, don't be difficult, you know this is important to your father and the business," she said appearing in my doorway.

I groaned. I don't even understand why I had to go, my mother, Renee, has told me countless times that it is important that we show the public how well we get along but to me it seems futile. Renee was having an affair with our chef, Phil, who is much younger than her, and my father, Charles, or Charlie as he lets me call him, is having an affair with one of the neighbour's, Sue. So, again, where is the logic in playing happy families, when I'm sure that everyone has at least heard the gossip or had their suspicions confirmed, even if it is to celebrate the coming new year? I mean, how much different or better could 1918 be to the previous years of my life?

It's times like these that I wish I had a boyfriend, or at least a very good close friend with whom I could talk to about my issues.

There I go again, going to Lala Land…me with a boyfriend. I laugh out loud while my mother is lacing my corset.

"What's funny?" she smiles.

"Nothing," I say, knowing that if I lied she would see right through me.

"Well, you behave yourself tonight. Try and dance with some suitors, you'll be 17 before the end of the year, you need to find a husband to support you before you're too old for anyone to want you," she says beginning a long-winded speech that I have heard so often that I have even memorised it. It goes along the lines, Isabella, dance with the boys, talk when they talk to you, don't voice your opinions, no man wants his wife to be smarter than him. How do you think you'll survive in this world? You need someone to support _you_ or else you will be living in the streets or even worse working in a brothel, is that what you want? Your father and I can't be there for you for your whole life, and on and on and on…

Twenty minutes into the dance I am able to conclude that it is like every other dance. There is no one here that I would like to court me, let alone marry me.

"Isabella, why aren't you dancing?" asks Renee.

"Because no one has asked me to," I reply.

"Well of course no one is going to ask you when you are isolating yourself on this table by yourself," she says as tugs on my arm to stand up.

"I'm happy where I am," I begin, "if someone wanted to marry me or was slightly interested in me they can make the effort" I finish and sit back down.

"Isabella, don't be difficult, stop making a scene," she says and is about to continue when one of Renee's friends comes along.

"Renee, how are you? Isabella?" she asks looking at me.

"Elizabeth," smiles Renee, "yes, this is my daughter Isabella,"

I stand up, "It's very nice to see you Mrs. Masen" and curtsey. I'd met Mrs. Masen only a handful of times at some of mother's high society gatherings that I was dragged to, but she was a very gentle and kind woman, and only one of a very few women who I respected from the upper class gossips.

"You look absolutely beautiful," she smiles back at me, "I am surprised you aren't out on the dance floor dancing,"

"Well…" I begin, planning on saying that no one here holds my interest when Renee cuts in,

"She can't dance because she refuses to move from the table,"

Elizabeth laughs, "Good on you, you shouldn't be expected to dance with suitors whom you have no interest in, but Renee I understand your feelings, my son is so set on going to this disastrous war that he's not even looking for a potential wife, even if she is in the same room as him" she finishes looking at me pointedly.

She can't seriously think that I would go for her son. I mean, if he hasn't caught my eye yet, he's probably one of the many boys that frequent these balls and I have clearly over-looked him and probably with good reason too.

"Well, let's go back to the table, you can tell me what you have been doing with yourself, and we can leave Isabella to entertain herself," says Renee and ushers Elizabeth away from me, unbeknownst to me that my life would change in a few short minutes.

"Hello, would you mind if I sat with you?" asks a random boy with a beautiful voice.

I continue tracing the edge of the wine glass with my finger and say "it's your choice,"

"I'm Edward," he continues, "why are you sitting here by yourself?"

I sigh, exasperated, "Look, I don't want to dance with any of the insolent boys that come to these functions, so if you are looking to dance, you're better off finding a girl that is actually interested in being here rather than here against her will," I say still tracing the wine glass with my finger and refusing to look at this Edward.

Silence falls upon us for a few seconds, when I realise I have been really rude and it's not his fault my dysfunctional family has affected my views on love and marriage.

"I'm sorry," I say and look at Edward. I internally gasp and kick myself. He is absolutely beautiful, with copper hair that is untamed, green-piercing eyes, and already looking more like a man than a boy that usually is at these places.

He's looking back at me with wide eyes and mouth in an O.

"What?" I snap

He smiles. "Nothing, you're mood changes very quickly,"

"It does not," I say; just because he is beautiful, doesn't mean he can be rude to me

"Really? Because when I sat here you were first disinterested, then annoyed, then apologetic and now you're angry,"

"What are you a psychologist? Please, doctor explain to me what's wrong with me," I hiss sarcastically and walk away.

I take two steps when I hear his chair scrape the wooden floor and grab my wrist.

"I'm sorry Isabella," he whispers in my ear and I have absolutely melted right there. I hadn't realised before that his voice sounded like velvet, deep but soft at the same time.

I turn around to face him. He looks sincerely apologetic but with still a little amusement in his eyes.

"How do you know my name?" I ask.

He lets go of my wrist and shuffles nervously, looking at his feet. _Is_ he nervous?

I giggle and he snaps his head up, looking at me with a confused expression.

"What?" he smiles.

"Are you going to answer my question?" I smile.

"Umm…well, you see…" he starts and then mumbles something incoherent.

"Thanks for clearing that up for me, would you like to repeat it so that someone other than yourself understands what you're attempting to say?"

He smiles lopsidedly. "I asked someone for your name,"

"Why?"

"Because you were sitting here by yourself-"

"—So you felt sorry for me?" I finish, with my anger rising again.

He reaches for my hand again and this time as soon as our hands touch a jolt of electricity pulses through me, but he keeps his hand there, looking at me with intensity.

"I asked because I wanted to know why a beautiful girl like you was at the table alone, and not dancing with any of the men who are clearly staring at you,"

"No one is staring at me, and if they are, they are probably wondering why the girl has no friends," I say.

"Trust me, they are staring at you because you are beautiful," he smiles "I would know," he says and strokes my cheek, which I am positive is burning red.

He chuckles, "your blush is absolutely adorable,"

We stand there for a few minutes just looking at each other.

"So…Isabella, would you like to dance?" he asks holding his hand out to me.

I smile at him, "why not?" and take his hand.

I wrap my arms around his neck and he wraps his around my waist.

"So Edward, what else did you ask about me?"

He laughs nervously, "Do you really want to know? Now it seems really silly,"

"How bad could it be?" I ask, internally wondering what he could have asked.

"Well, I asked whether you were being courted and if you were interested in anyone" he said suddenly being interested in looking around the room.

I laughed softly, "and what was their response?"

Edward looked back at me, again smiling a crooked smile that captured my heart

"They said that you were very much available and that you weren't interested in any of these boys and even though many find you alluring, no one has had the courage to speak with you long enough for you not to turn them away," he says

"So you think I am a snob?" I ask curiously.

"No, I think that you don't know what you want but you know what you don't want," he says.

I smile at his convoluted sentence, thinking how he got it right, "well, you're right," I pause, "I didn't want to be here, but at the moment it doesn't seem too bad," I smile.

We keep dancing for a little bit, laughing at the others around us.

"So Edward, why haven't I seen you at these functions before?" I ask.

"I've only been to a few, I somehow manage to persuade my parents to let me stay home," he answers.

"I've tried that, it doesn't seem to work for me," I reply.

"Well, hopefully, I won't have to give you any excuses to avoid going out anymore," he smiles while I blush at his words.

"I'm parched, would you mind if we sit down?" I ask.

"I can't deny you anything," he says.

Edward escorts me to my table, suddenly looking very nervous.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"You're very perceptive, you know?" he states.

"...And that's what's wrong?" I ask.

He laughs lightly, "I wanted to ask you if you were busy tomorrow and if you weren't whether you would like to go out with me,"

"Are you planning to court me?" I ask both nervous and excited at the prospect because at the moment, it seems that Edward is perfect for me; he's very, very good looking, he can dance, and he can deal with my insults and retort back.

"Umm…well, uh…" he stammers.

I look at him with my eyebrows raised, "well…"

"I'll have to talk to your father first, but that's only if you don't object, I wouldn't want you to feel forced into this,"

I take his hand, trying to ignore the pulse of electricity running through me from his touch, "Edward, I can't think of anyone who I would rather have court me, God knows and you do too, I can't stand a five minute conversation with anyone here, let alone have them court me,"

He smiles and lifts my hand that's touching him and raises it to his lips, "It would be my pleasure" and kisses it softly, melting me even more right there. I try to look away knowing my face is probably as red as a tomato, but Edward cups my face in his free hand, "You are absolutely exquisite" and cracks my crooked smile.

Renee comes along at that exact moment.

"Isabella dear, who is this?" she asks with light in her eyes probably grateful that her daughter has someone interested in her and won't be working in a brothel.

"Mother, this is Edward, Edward this is my mother, Renee Swan," I introduce them.

"It's a pleasure to meet you ma'am," he says

"Isabella, your father wishes to speak with you, I'll stay here with Edward," she says

I look at Edward apologetically, "I'll be back"

He smiles crookedly, "Take your time" while I blush back.

I make my way over to Charlie.

"Hi Charlie," I say and kiss his cheek

"Your mother told me that you weren't interested in being here and that you aren't very excited at the prospect of having a suitor," he begins

"Well, about that…" I begin but he cuts me off

"…So I have decided to find someone for you,"

"What? No, I have someone already," I answer back

"Isabella, don't make things up now, I haven't had anyone approach me, so I was speaking with some colleagues who have sons and I have found someone for you, his name is Nicholas Sparks,"

"No," I say defiantly

"Isabella, you haven't even talked to him,"

"Charles," I begin, as he flinches, he knows I only call him Charles when I am angry, "I have a suitor and he was on the way to talk to you when Renee intercepted us,"

"Bring him to talk to me, but I want you to have Nicholas escort you out one time, I can't refuse the boy especially as I sought him out"

"Charles—"

"It's non negotiable Isabella,"

"Fine," I stomp my foot and make my way over to Edward and Renee, contemplating whether to tell Edward about Nicholas… Maybe I should see how things go with us, I mean I really like him but I'm not sure how he feels about me; it would be easy for someone of his calibre to make girls fall for him.

"Edward, my father wishes to speak with you," I smile at him watching him gulp.

I take his left hand and rub circles on the back of his hand, he crookedly smiles gratefully back at me.

"Charlie, this is Edward, Edward this is my father, Charles Swan," I say gesturing between them.

Edward shakes Charlie's hand with his free hand, not letting go of my hand in the process, "Pleasure to meet you Sir,"

"Isabella, would you let us talk in private for a few minutes?" asks Charlie, I look at Edward and he smiles at me and squeezes my hand in reassurance.

"Be nice father,"

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**A/N: So, do you like it? Please review and let me know. Thanks**

* * *


	2. It's you and me

**A/N: I hope you are enjoying the story so far, the drama starts now.**

Previously on "Back to you"

"_Charlie, this is Edward, Edward this is my father, Charles Swan," I say gesturing between them._

_Edward shakes Charlie's hand with his free hand, not letting go of my hand in the process, "Pleasure to meet you Sir,"_

"_Isabella, would you let us talk in private for a few minutes?" asks Charlie, I look at Edward and he smiles at me and squeezes my hand in reassurance._

"_Be nice father,"_

On my way back to my table I run into Elizabeth.

"Isabella, how is your evening going?" she smiles at me

I blush and smile back, "It's better now,"

She smiles, "Is this happiness due to a boy?"

I giggle, "Oh, he's absolutely perfect, he's handsome, he can dance and it seems he can stand my opinionated and stubborn nature,"

She hugs me, "Congratulations dear, I hope everything goes well with you,"

"Me too," I say and hug her back

"Hello love, who's this?" asks a man that I presume is Elizabeth's husband

"Isabella, I would like you to meet my husband," she grins at him and you can tell how in love they are

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Masen," I say and curtsey

"Nonsense Isabella, call me Edward," I look at him curiously, what are the chances that I meet two Edward's in one night. Oh my, are these Edward's parents? Oh my God, I just met his parents and he's not here to help me.

"Would you like to dance my darling?" asks Edward to Elizabeth snapping me out of my reverie.

Elizabeth smiles and winks at me as Edward Snr leads her to the dance floor.

I stand there still trying to figure out what just happened. She winked at me. I was right, they _are_ his parents, and I was whinging about being here before, I bet she thinks I'm a snob now. Oh no, I just told her that Edward was handsome and perfect, why can't someone shoot me now?

I groan, when I feel someone's arms wrap around me from behind.

"What's wrong?" I hear Edward whisper in my ear and I relax into his arms

I spin around to see him grinning at me; I raise my eyebrows, "What happened?"

"Well, if you would do me the honour, I would like to court you Ms. Swan,"

I decide to trick him, so I fake disappointment, "Oh…so, he said yes?" I lower my voice loud enough for him to hear me so that it would seem as if I was talking to myself, "I was sure he would say no…" I stop short inwardly grinning and look up at Edward and his hurt expression and my heart breaks right there. Maybe he likes me as much as I like him after all…

"Do you not want to be together?" he asks

I jump into his arms and wrap my arms around his neck, good thing that we're away from prying eyes because my actions aren't very lady-like at the moment.

"Edward, don't be absurd, I told you that I can't think of anyone I would rather be with," I whisper in his ear and kiss his cheek. Wow, where did this confidence come from?

I attempt to step back from Edward, while blushing like mad but he refuses to let me go, laughing softly

"Well, I'm glad, you scared me for a minute there," he says stroking my cheek, "would you like to dance, madam?"

I smile back at him, "Lead the way kind sir"

I smile when I realise what song is playing and then rest my head on his chest, and Edward leans his cheek on my head. We dance for the rest of the night, through the countdown to the New Year, until it's time for me to go.

"I'll call on you tomorrow Isabella," he says as he kisses my hand

I giggle at his actions, "Goodnight Edward"

"Sleep well Isabella," he whispers in my ear causing me to blush…again and him laughing at me

EPOV

After escorting Isabella outside and bidding her a goodnight I go back inside to find my parents.

"So, Edward did you have fun tonight?" asks my mother, smiling knowingly

"I know what you're thinking, and yes, I had a lot of fun with Isabella," I say

"Yes, she's absolutely perfect for you, I told you to come tonight," she smiles

She was right again. Earlier that night I was racking my brain for a good enough reason to excuse myself once again from these disastrous balls, but my mother told me that tonight would be special.

"Thank you mother," I smile and kiss her cheek

"Are we all ready to go home?" asks my father, joining our conversation after farewelling his friends and colleagues.

I was quiet for the rest of the night, thinking of Isabella and how perfectly she fit in my arms dancing, her blush, her beauty and her outspokenness, which I prefer much more than the rest of the girls who usually frequent these gatherings, who are under the delusion that males like quiet and for lack of a better word, uneducated girls.

Tomorrow and the rest of my life couldn't come fast enough, knowing that I would be with Isabella for forever…hopefully.

BPOV  
After a night of dreaming of Edward, I couldn't wait for him to come over so I could spend time with the real person.

"Isabella, you have a visitor," says Renee, appearing in my doorway

I jump off my bed from where I was reading and run towards the sitting room, knowing that Renee would have left him her while she called for me, but being me my foot gets caught on the edge of the rug, flinging me towards the ground. However, I don't feel the hard ground, instead, I feel two strong arms holding me around my waist righting me.

I can feel the heat emanating from my face, "Thank you Edward,"

"You're welcome Isabella," he says leaning towards me, "I'll always be here to catch you," he whispers softly in my ear.

"So, what do you have planned for us today?" I say, attempting to change the subject before my face can go permanently red

"I wanted to show you something," he says

"You're going to have to be more specific," I say

"It's a surprise," he smiles

"I don't like surprises," I cross my arms over my chest

"Well, you will like this one, I'm sure of it. Bring a warm jacket, it's very cold outside,"

"Fine," I huff, "Let me get it,"

He chuckles lightly and steps towards me, "Don't frown," he whispers as he smooths my creased forehead

"Does that mean, you'll tell me where we are going?" I ask looking at him

He laughs again, "I'll make you a deal, if you don't like where we are going, I will never for the rest of our lives surprise you again,"

Rest of our lives? He's planning on being with me for the rest of our lives? Oh my God, he likes me…a lot. What a tempting offer…

"You have yourself a deal Edward," I say and shake his hand.

We head down the street on the way towards the market, with me guessing along the way.

"Are you taking me to the market?" I ask

"No,"

"Are you taking me to the beach?"

He raises his eyebrows, "Isabella, it's the middle of winter, of course we're not going to the beach," he smiles, "but we will go one day if you want"

I smile back at him and take his hand, "I'd like that,"

We continue walking in comfortable silence, "Are you taking me to…?"

"You might as well give up, you're not going to guess," he chuckles

We start edging towards the forest, when I stop suddenly

"You're taking me to the forest?" I ask incredulously

He turns around to face me, "Is that a problem?"

"Were my incompetent balance skills not on display this morning? How do you think I will survive with snow, rocks, roots and what not on the ground?"

His crooked smile comes out, and he steps back towards me, with an outstretched hand, "I told you I would catch you whenever you fall,"

I roll my eyes; "even you aren't a match for my inability to walk across a flat surface,"

After walking for about 10 minutes, we stop, "what?" I ask

"You're going to have to close your eyes…it is a surprise after all," he says and places his hand over my eyes

We walk with one of his arms around my waist and the other covering my eyes, "Trust me," he whispers

"I do,"

After a few minutes, "You ready?" he asks

"I think so," I say nervously as he chuckles and removes his hand

I open my eyes to the most beautiful meadow I have ever seen, complete with shady trees, a small patch of grass and a boulder in the middle of it. Even though it's winter, there's no snow on the ground because of the bushy trees above us.

I look back at Edward, "how did you find this place?" I ask gaping at my surroundings

"You like it?" he asks cautiously

"Are you serious? It's absolutely beautiful, it's great," I say

He grins at me, "I guess you liked your surprise," and then I realise what he meant: now he's allowed to give me surprises

"Yes," I sigh exasperatedly

"Come on," he says happily and sits on the large boulder, unfolding the blanket in his hand, which I was too distracted to notice earlier

I sit next to him and take his hand, while he wraps the large blanket around our shoulders, "Thank you Edward,"

He looks up from our hands at me, with blazing intensity. "There is one more surprise," he says looking serious

"What is it?" I ask curiously but warily

He inches closer, "I wanted to try something," he says as he cups my cheek with his free hand. He looks at my lips and then back at my eyes, asking for permission. I smile back at him, he comes closer and then his lips are on mine, so soft, so perfect. He pulls back and looks at me, "Sorry," he says sheepishly

Why was he apologising? Did I do something wrong?

Edward takes in my hurt and confused expression, "I mean, for moving too fast, I mean we only met yesterday, but there's something about you—"

I don't let him finish; instead I kiss him again, but this time with more intensity and harder. I wrap my arms around his neck, while his hands cradle my face, as if I was a porcelain doll.

We both pull back gasping for air, "Sorry," I mumble.

He chuckles and kisses me forehead, "Don't be,"

We spend the rest of the day talking about our lives, and stealing kisses here and there. I tell him about Charlie and Renee and our _fantastic_ family dynamic, about feeling so alone sometimes, about the rest of the people in this society and how unjust it is and about everything else. Edward tells me about his parents, and how in love they are and how he used to doubt that that would ever happen to him, about his friends and about his music.

"Will you play for me sometime?"

"A tune is dancing in my head at the moment, you will definitely hear it when I finish it," he smiles, "we better go, it's going to get dark and even colder soon"

We walked back to my place, hand in hand, walking in comfortable silence.

"Thank you for coming with me today Isabella," he says when we get to my door

"You're welcome," I smile

He laughs, "only you," he whispers and kisses my forehead

I pout. He understands what I want, but just tilts his head towards my house.

"I'll come for you tomorrow," he says and kisses my cheek "Goodnight Isabella"

"Goodnight Edward,"

For the next month, Edward would come for me in the morning and we would spend the day in the meadow talking about everything and anything, about the girls that stalk Edward, my apparent admirers, our childhoods, books, music and everything else.

At the moment I am waiting for Edward in the sitting room, knowing he would be here in a few minutes. I had this feeling that there was something I was forgetting that was really important and today I would realise what it is, but for some reason it seemed like a bad thing.

"Are you alright, love?" asks Edward. I was so deep in thought I didn't even notice him walk in.

I stand up and smile, "I'm fine, just thinking,"

"About what?"

"Nothing important, you ready?"

He looks at me uneasily for a few more minutes and then realises that I'm not going to say anything further.

He takes my hand and kisses my forehead, "Ok, let's go"

We get to the street and we turn left, the opposite direction of the meadow. I look at him questioningly, realising he's not holding a blanket either.

He chuckles, "We're not going to the meadow today,"

"Let me guess a surprise?" I ask faking enthusiasm

"Well, I think it would be cruel for me not to tell you this,"

"You're not doing a very good job at reassuring me," I say warily

"You're meeting my mother today?" he says it like a question

"I am, am I?" I say trying to sound confident

He takes my hand, "You'll be fine, and she already loves you,"

I look at him cynically with an eyebrow raised

He smiles and leads us towards the upper end of the city. Neither of us talk; Edward giving me space, while I'm not only thinking about meeting his mother but also trying to deal with this uneasy feeling of impending disaster.

I'm so deep in thought, I don't even realise we've stopped in front of a beautiful building.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asks stroking my cheek

I try to smile reassuringly at him, "just nervous,"

He smiles _my _smile and kisses my forehead, "Silly Isabella, she loves you and she's grateful for you,"

We walk towards the building and I realise I don't have much to be nervous about, I've already met Elizabeth a few times…but never as her son's girlfriend…

"Mother, we're here," calls Edward when we step inside. I take off my heavy jacket because it's so warm in here.

"Edward, Isabella," says Elizabeth as she rounds the corner and hugs me tightly, "It's good to see you again,"

"You too Mrs. Masen," I smile more easily, with my nerves already settling.

"Nonsense Isabella, it's Elizabeth to you," she says as she leads us to the salon, which has some tea on the table and a lit fireplace. We spend the afternoon talking about inconsequential matters.

"So, Isabella, what do you think of Edward?" she asks

I blush like crazy, while Edward decides to take this as his cue to leave, "Yes mother I'll leave you both to it. I'll be back, I just have to use the bathroom,"

"Well, I've already unknowingly told you how I think that Edward is perfect,"

"Well, you both look absolutely perfect together, thank you,"

"Thank you?" I ask

"Well, you've made my son happier than I have seen him since I heard him talk about the war," she says and takes the sip of her tea

Oh my God, that's it. That's the bad news, he's leaving, he's going off to that stupid war, and he's leaving me.  
The cook walks in stating that Elizabeth is wanted in the kitchen.

"I'll be right back," she smiles

I decide that I can't be here any longer. I can't involve myself anymore with Edward and his family if he's just going to leave. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I get up and walk as quietly as I can to the front door, feeling bad about not saying goodbye at least, but knowing I couldn't leave if I had to face them.

As soon as I open the door, the harsh Chicago wind hits me and I realise that I forgot to grab my jacket in my haste to leave, but it was too late to go back for it now. I wrap my arms around my body and start making my way down the street.

I manage to walk 100 metres when I hear Edward calling my name. I don't turn around, I don't want him to see my tear stained cheeks or my puffy red eyes. Gosh, I can't believe I'm crying over a boy, but then again, he's not a boy; he's the love of my life. There's that word, love. I'd been contemplating since the day after the meadow whether I loved him; I guess it's true.

"Isabella, stop," he yells and I can hear him coming closer to me. He grabs my hand and spins me to face him, but I look down.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asks, "Mother said she came back from the kitchen and you were gone, please tell me what's wrong," he says tilting my chin, forcing me to look at him.

He gasps and holds me closer to him, "what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

He tries to wipe away my tears but I step away from him.

**A/N: Well, well, well, what will happen next to our favourite couple? Will Edward keep chasing Bella? Will Bella stay with Edward? Find out next chapter. Please review. Thanks.**


	3. Here with you

**A/N: Hello everyone, thank you all so much for not only reading my story but for all of those that reviewed.  
If you have any suggestions/ideas that you'd like to see happen in the future just let me know.**

**Last chapter Bella remembered that Edward wanted to go to war so she leaves his house, with Edward chasing after her. **

_Previously on "Back to you"_

"Isabella, stop," he yells and I can hear him coming closer to me. He grabs my hand and spins me to face him, but I look down.

"_Bella, what's wrong?" he asks, "Mother said she came back from the kitchen and you were gone, please tell me what's wrong," he says tilting my chin, forcing me to look at him.  
__He gasps and holds me closer to him, "what's wrong? Why are you crying?"  
__He tries to wipe away my tears but I step away from him._

* * *

He gasps and holds me closer to him, "what's wrong? Why are you crying?"  
He tries to wipe away my tears but I step away from him. He drops his hand, hurt by my response, and I take this as my chance to start walking away from him, but he won't give up. He runs and stops in front of me, stopping me from walking forward.

"Can you stop walking away from me? Did something happen? What can I do? Just stop and tell me," he groans moving his hands through his hair

This sets me off, my anger getting the better of me. I place my hands on my hips defiantly,

"What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong; I can't be with you that's what's wrong, understand? Now you know, so let me go," I say and try to step around him, but Edward's too resilient.

"WHAT?" he shouts "WHY NOT?"

"Because I can't do it, I can't be with you," I snap back

My tears are flowing more freely now, not only because I am walking away from him, but also because I've hurt him. I start walking a few steps, when I hear words that cut me short,

"But Bella, I love you," he whispers

I turn around to see him, with a broken expression looking at me longingly.

I'm touched by his words and I feel like jumping in his arms, kissing him hard and telling him over again that I love him too, but then I remember that he's leaving, and this time, it sets off a tirade.

"You love me? You love me but you're leaving me, right?" I shout expectantly

"Of course I love you, and I'm clearly not leaving, YOU ARE," he shouts back gesturing to me, with my anger setting of his

"What do you expect me to do Edward, huh? I can't stay here with you. I can't watch you leave me to fight in a stupid war. I can't watch you leave me, watch you say goodbye to me or watch you kiss me for possibly the last time. I can't spend months or even years waiting for you, wondering when you're going to come back, or if you're even going to come back alive. I can't wait wondering whether you're going to be the same person I am madly in love with now, because you leaving me will break me and at least like this I can keep some of my sanity," I yell back, choking halfway through

"You love me?" he asks

"Is that all you got from that speech, that I love you, that I am head over heels in love with you, that without you I'm not whole?"

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere," he says

"What?"

"I'm not going to war,"

"Yes you are, your mother said at the ball when I saw her that there was nothing she could do to stop you from going,"

"Yes, she's right, there's nothing _she_ could do," he begins, "but _you_, Bella, all you had to do was smile at me and I fell in love with you, all you had to do was be with me and I couldn't even think about the war, all you had to do was kiss me and I could forget about everything, because when I'm with _you_, you're all I see. The world could be burning down around us but _you_ are all I see, all I want, to keep you safe, to be with you, to love you…"

I start crying and jump into his arms, kissing him hard on the lips.

"I love you, so, so much it's crazy," I say, "I mean I have known you for a short time and I am so desperately in love with you,"

"I love you too Bella, so much," he says resting his forehead on mine.

"Would you two like to come back inside now, before either of you get hypothermia?" asks Elizabeth smiling

I let go of Edward and bury my face in his shoulder embarrassed, "sorry," I mumble, while Edward rubs my arms as we walk back to the house.

"It's ok darling, maybe I should have been more clear, but I owe you so much for stopping him from going, if he hadn't decided before, I'm quite sure nothing could make him go now," she smiles

The rest of the day passes without any drama, and we all enjoy a lovely dinner with Edward Snr as well.

"Come on, I want to show you something," says Edward after dinner, leading me out the back doors and to the old servant's quarters.

I look at him questioningly, while he smiles, "It's my room, no one sleeps here anymore, we only have a cook, that has her own place, so we made this my place so I could play the piano without disrupting anyone,"

"But there's a piano in the salon," I state.

"Yes, I only play that when we have a dinner party or if my mother wants to listen to me, but I play this one when I practice or when I want to be alone,"

Edward leads me around the mini-house. He opens the door to a hallway and leads us straight and then turns right. The room is not that small, and has a small armoire, a bed and a desk. I follow him as he points to the bathroom, and then back down the hall, where we came from and we turn into the room on the left. I walk in and realise straightaway that this is Edward's room. There is a bed on the right side of the room, with a bedside table on either side of it, with a large window on the opposite wall, with a desk and a dresser on either side of the window. The room is beautiful and typical Edward. He leads us back into the hallway, and opens the door across from his. It's very open, with a couch, two armchairs and a writing desk.

I notice the baby piano in the corner of the room "You're going to play for me?" I ask noticing his movement towards it.

"It's not what I'm writing at the moment, but it's something,"

I clap my hands excitedly and jump a little. Edward smiles and holds out his hand so I sit next to him on the piano seat. After hearing him play expertly I am in shock.

"Wow, you are very good, excellent, fantastic," I say and kiss him.

"Thank you," he says.

"I better head home, will I see you tomorrow?" I ask

"Of course," he says and puts on his jacket that is resting on the armchair.

"What are you doing?" I asked questioningly pointing at his jacket.

"Please Bella, I'm not going to let you walk home in the dark, do you know how dangerous that is?"

Before I get to tell him that I'm a big girl and can walk home by myself, he puts his finger to my lips and he whispers in my ear, "Please, humour me,"

"Fine," I huff, while he chuckles.

"Come on, Bella," he says and leads us to the side of the house and out onto the street, and start walking when I stop suddenly.

"What's wrong?" Edward asks worriedly.

"What did you call me?"

"When?"

"Today, now, I was so angry and then overwhelmed that I didn't realise it,"

"What are you talking about Bella?"

"Aha, there," I say pointing at him

"Oh," he smiles sheepishly, "Bella?"

I smile, "why?"

"Well, I realise that everyone calls you Isabella, and well, I like Bella and it's a better representation of you,"

I furrow my eyebrows, waiting for him to elaborate.

"It means, 'beautiful' in Italian," he smiles at me.

"I like it," I say and kiss him.

After a minute, we pull back and start walking hand in hand back to my place, "So, do I get to give you a nickname too?" I ask

"Hmmm…what were you thinking?" he asks warily.

I laugh knowing that he hates any deviation from Edward.

"How about Ed?"

He shakes his head fervently.

"What about…Eddie?"

"No!" he yells, I look at him with one eyebrow raised, "sorry, but no thank you"

I laugh at him, still the perfect gentleman.

"Umm…what about…" I chuckle and try to gather my composure for the next one, "what about Ward?" He stops short.

I look at him with a hopeful expression, while he looks at me with a shocked expression, attempting to figure out whether I am being serious.

"Well…?" I ask confidently.

"You're serious?" he asks incredulously.

I shrug and tug him to keep moving, "What do you think Ward?" and I can't hold it in anymore, and I start laughing hard.

"You think that's funny?" he asks and starts to tickle me. I somehow get out of his grasp and start running, but Edward is too fast for me, and lucky for me, because he manages to grab my waist, stopping me from tripping on the icy concrete.

"Well, Bella?" he breathes running his nose against my jaw line. My hands go limp against his chest and my breath gets caught in my throat as he starts to plant kisses from the hollow of my throat to my ear and back again.

"Breathe Bella,"

How does one person have so much control over me? I decide to fight back; eventually I am able to squeak out, "No, Ward," which leads me to start laughing.

"Shhh, Bella, you'll alarm the neighbours," he says and silences me by kissing me. His arms entwine around my waist, while my arms lock around his neck, with my fingers playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck.

"We'll never get home if you keep distracting me Mr. Masen," I smile

"You're not going to call me Ward?" he asks as we start walking again

"You don't like it," I shrug

"Yes, but I couldn't deny you anything," he whispers in my ear, placing a kiss on my cheek

"No, I like Edward, it's just…you," I say, "Don't let anyone ever call you anything else,"

"I won't, I promise," he says

"…Well, except for me," I smile

"Of course," he chuckles, "I will see you tomorrow Bella, Goodnight; I love you,"

"I love you too Edward, goodnight," I smile while he kisses my forehead

The next three months that followed, I spent all my time with Edward, apart from those atrocious 'women's gatherings' that my mother still forced me to attend, but even then, I would only talk to a select few women, especially Elizabeth, who was soon becoming like a second mother to me. Most of the time we were in the meadow now that the weather had warmed up, or at his house, while we sat in the garden reading or him playing the piano for me. Edward and I were inseparable and everything was going fantastically. Edward was planning to finish his last year of schooling when school restarted again, but still not deciding whether to follow in his father's footsteps and be a lawyer, or be a doctor.

"Edward, I'll see you tomorrow?" I smile

"Of course," he says, "have a good dinner"

"I'm sorry, I would invite you in, but Charlie said he wanted to have dinner the three of us, seeing as he just got back from a business trip, even though it would be much, much better with you there," I say

"Bella, don't worry, I'll see you tomorrow, I love you,"

"I love you too, bye," I say

About a half hour later, I found myself sitting at our dining room table, with my parents.

"So, Isabella, how are you?" asks Charlie during the meal. I had grown so accustomed to hearing Bella from Edward that I almost didn't recognise my own name being called.

"I'm very good," I smile at him

"You seem very happy, is that because of that Masen boy?"

"Yes, Edward," I smile even bigger now

"Well, any boy that can make my daughter this happy, is alright in my books," smiles Charlie

"Thank you Charlie," I say and grin brightly at him, "So how was the trip?"

"It was very good—" starts Charlie but he stops short

Renee and I look at him curiously

"Charlie, what's wrong?" I ask worriedly

"Nothing is _wrong_…"

"…But…"

"Well, do you remember the night you met Edward?"

"Of course," I say

"Do you remember what I told you about Nicholas Sparks?"

"You cannot be serious?"

"Well…"

"What do you mean, 'well'?" I say, feeling my anger rising

"I was talking to Nicholas' father, with whom I was speaking to at the ball, and he wanted to know when Nicholas could take you out,"

"I'm with Edward, and I refuse to be _taken out_ by _Nicholas Sparks_," I snap

"Isabella, now be reasonable," continues Charlie calmly

"Reasonable? I am with Edward, you gave him permission to court me, and I am exceptionally happy with him, and we are in love with each other, I don't want to go out with Nicholas, not only because I won't do that to Edward but because it's futile, no one can make me as happy or make me feel like Edward does," I yell

"Isabella, you will go out with Nicholas, at least just once,"

"NO!" I yell

"ISABELLA, this isn't open for discussion," Charlie retorts

"CHARLES, JUST BECAUSE YOU AND RENEE CANNOT GRASP THE CONCEPT OF LOVE, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM INEPT AS WEL!!!" I yell and storm up to my room. I start pacing my room and realise I can't stay here, now I just have to decide where to go. Do I go to the meadow? No it's not safe to venture that far into the forest alone at night, but can I face Edward? What do I tell him? I won't be able to hide this from him, but on the other hand, I can't stay here now, I'm too angry. I wait until I hear Renee and Charlie go to bed, which thankfully isn't too long.

After I hear Charlie's snores I sneak out of my room and make it out to the front door. I dress in some of Charlie's old pants, a cap and a large overcoat, so no one would approach me, wondering why a girl is walking the streets at night. I get to Edward's house and I thank God that Edward lives in the old staff quarters. I make my way down the side of the house and run across the garden to Edward's room.

The door is unlocked, helpful for me, but I should tell Edward to lock it for the future.

I creep into Edward's bedroom, hopefully he's not sleeping, or I will feel even worse, waking him up. As I turn into his bedroom, I hear the water running slowly from the bathroom at the end of the hall. I decide to wait Edward's room in case he's washing himself. I take my coat off and place it on the desk chair while I lean on the desk edge.

A few minutes later Edward walks in and takes his shirt off, and I am in awe. Even with the moon being the only source of light I see he has an _amazing_ body, and as much as I would like to stand here in the shadows of his room, watching him undress himself, I decide to make my presence known.

I clear my throat lightly and Edward's head snaps up.

"Who's there?" he says approaching the shadows cautiously

"Umm…me?" I say in a small voice

"Bella?"

I go towards him and take off the cap, "Yeah…"

"What are you doing here?" he says and I can hear the venom in his voice.

"I had to see you," I say in a soft voice.

"And it couldn't wait until tomorrow?" he asks lowly, sitting on the edge of his bed pinching the bridge of his nose with this thumb and index finger.

"You're mad? Maybe I should go…" I say and head to the door.

He jumps off the bed and grabs my wrist, "What is wrong with you? Are you crazy? You shouldn't even be here in the first place and now you're going to leave?" he yells.

"Clearly I'm not wanted here," I shout back.

"Of course I don't want you here," he shouts back and I flinch not only because he's yelling at me, but because of his words.

**A/N: Ooohhhh...Edward doesn't want Bella?? Is Bella going to fight Edward's words or break down at this revelation? And will Edward find out about Nicholas? Read and find out.  
If you like this story please review, i'm getting a lot of hits but i dont know if those who read it like it or hate it, either way let me know. And also, if you have any suggestions or want to see something happen PM me or review. Thanks for reading.**


	4. Screaming and Fighting

**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews and the ideas/suggestions, keep it up. Hope you're enjoying the story. Sorry this chapter is so short, next one is longer and should be up in a couple of days!!**

Previously on "Back to you"

"_You're mad? Maybe I should go…" I say and head to the door.  
__He jumps off the bed and grabs my wrist, "What is wrong with you? Are you crazy? You shouldn't even be here in the first place and now you're going to leave?" he yells.  
_"_Clearly I'm not wanted here," I shout back.  
_"_Of course I don't want you here," he shouts back and I flinch not only because he's yelling at me, but because of his words._

"You don't want me?" I say slowly retracting my hand from his grasp.

"That's not what I meant," he says running a hand through his hair.

"Really? Sounds like you meant it," I say and turn to open the door, but he reaches over my head and slams it shut.

"Stop overreacting, you know I didn't mean it," he says looking down on me.

"Well, it's obvious I'm not _wanted_ here, so maybe I should stop being a _girl_ and leave," I snap back at him.

He takes a deep breath, "Bella," he breathes in again and pinches the bridge of his nose again. Wow he must be really angry. "Why are you standing here in my bedroom, in the middle of the night?" he asks trying to remain calm, but his voice turning menacing at the end.

"It's nothing, I'll wait until tomorrow to share my _news_," I sneer and look up at his hand still resting on the door, clearing my throat.

"Are you serious? I know for a fact that you aren't this stupid, what is wrong with you? It's the middle of the night and you are a _girl_ who is walking the streets _ALONE_!" he yells.

That's when I realise why he's so angry, it's not because I'm _in_ the room but it's _how_ I got here, and I feel like an idiot for coming here.

I start to cry, "I'm so sorry Edward, I was just so angry,"

He lowers his hands and hugs me close to his bare chest and I feel the heat rise in my cheeks when he adds, "What are you wearing?"

I step back, "See there's nothing wrong with me, I was smart enough to dress as a boy," I state.

Edward runs his hand through his hair again, and takes a deep breath and walks towards the window.

"So let me get this straight," he sighs, "you left your house, in the middle of the night, in men's clothes to come here?"

"Yes," I say softly.

"Why?" he says lowly, trying desperately to control his voice, still looking out the window.

"That's my news, that's why I was so angry and came here," I say, pausing.

He turns around and faces me expectantly, "are you going to tell me?"

I shake my head, "Not yet,"

"Why not?"

I make my way over to his bed and sit down, "because it's not the best of news and I think we both need to calm down first,"

"How bad is it?" he asks kneeling in front of me.

"Umm…I'll let you be the judge of that, but I think it's quite bad and I don't think you'd disagree with me," I sniff.

"Come on, cover yourself," he says pulling back the cover and blankets, "it must be cold outside," he finishes lowly and lies on top of the covers next to me.

"Don't be an idiot Edward, either put some clothes on or cover yourself with the blanket as well," I say exasperatedly.

After an internal battle with himself, he decides to get under the covers with me.

We lay silently on our sides looking at each other and Edward tracing my forearm with his fingers.

After a few minutes Edward kisses my forehead, "Okay, I'm calm," he says.

I look at his face, "really?"

"Well, it took a while to recover from the heart attack you gave me by appearing in my room,"

"Sorry, I just didn't know where else to go, and it was either here or the meadow,"

Edward groans and stops rubbing my arm to run his fingers through his hair, "Bella, you're going to be the death of me," he pauses and then groans again, looking at me, "seriously, the meadow?"

"It was an errant thought but then I realised it wasn't safe to go there now,"

"Really? Not safe for a girl to go out at night, by herself, to the forest?" he quips sarcastically.

I glare at him, "I'm fine, stop overreacting. I didn't go to the meadow. I'm here, in one piece, no one saw me, it's not a big deal…I'm fine—"

"Not a big deal? Bella, do you seriously not understand how much of a big deal this is? I don't even want to _think_ about what would happen if someone saw that there was a girl roaming the streets in the middle of the night alone. Do you know how many drunken men there are here? Seriously—" he stops short and pinches his nose again.

"I'm sorry Edward," I say and stroke his cheek, "I won't do it again"

He drops his hand and grabs my face with both of them, looking at me with such burning intensity, "Bella, please, promise me, don't be stubborn for once and do this for me, don't go out at night again without me or your father,"

"I won't be going anywhere with him—"

"Bella, please," he groans, "Do you have any concept of how much I love you? Of how much it would kill me if _anything _ever happened to you? I couldn't live in a world where you don't exist, where you aren't in my arms, safe, blushing, with fire in your eyes, loving me,"

My heart felt heavy at his words, knowing now that it would hurt me to even think of hurting Edward.

"Bella, promise me, please," he whispers.

"I promise, no more night escapades," I whisper.

"Thank you," he says and kisses me chastely on the lips, "Ok," he takes a deep breath, "I'm calm…_again_,"

I take a deep breath thinking of how I should tell Edward, "Alright…I have to be taken out by someone else,"

Edward's hands loosen around my face, "what?" and even in the limited light I can see his broken face.

"Nicholas Sparks," I say, "Edward, I'm so sorry, I tried to tell Charlie that it was futile to get me to go out with someone else but—"

Edward sits up, "you have to go out with Nicholas Sparks?"

"Well, yes, but—"

He gets of the bed and I can't help but watch this half-naked angel, even in his fury, pace the room, when he abruptly stops and looks at me,

"So, what are you doing here then?' he asks angrily.

I look at him confused, "I don't understand,"

"Why did you come here? Why are you here with me now if you're not planning on staying?" he shouts.

I get off the bed and walk towards him, "Edward," I begin softly, and go to stroke his cheek, when he flinches back and now I know how much it would of hurt him when I did it to him, but I am unable to be hurt for too long with my temper getting the better of me again…

"Can you stop acting like a child for two seconds?" I ask him, causing him to snap his head up and glare at me.

"Is that why you're going with _Nicholas_?" he spits at me.

"Edward, you think I'm stupid for coming here tonight, but why do you think I'm here, right now? Huh?"

"I don't know, I'm trying to figure that out for myself, are you rubbing it in my face? You know that I love you and you're showing me that you're someone else's, is that it?"

"Do you seriously believe that?" I snap, "Do you think I would do that? Do you think I would do that to _you_?"

He runs his hands through his hair and groans, "I don't know what to think, all I know is that an hour ago I was blissfully happy, knowing that I am in love with a beautiful, smart, funny girl who is somehow in love with me too and now," he chuckles humourlessly, "now I find out that the love of my life is leaving me for someone else,"

"I'm not leaving you," I interject.

"Well, I don't share _Isabella_," he spits back.

"I'm not asking you to," I groan.

"Then what? _What do you want_?" he yells.

"YOU," I shout back.

"What?" he asks astounded.

"God, you can be so dense sometimes Edward, you want to know why I came here? I was angry, that's why. Now if you would shut up for two seconds and let me speak, you would know the rest of the story, so can I finish or do you have anything else to add?"

He doesn't say anything, so I decide to continue; "Charlie said that he agreed with Nicholas Sparks' father at the ball where we met for me to be taken out by Nicholas, and that even though now I am with you and in love with you, I had to uphold his agreement with Mr. Sparks. I told Charlie that it wasn't going to happen because I wouldn't do that to you and because it's futile to force someone onto me when I am irrevocably in love with you, but then Charlie said it was non-negotiable. I mean, why did he give you permission to court me when he's forcing other suitors onto me," Edwards growls, "anyway, I told Charlie that although him and Renee weren't able to understand the concept of love, that I wasn't inept and then I stormed into my room, came here and have spent the last hour fighting with you,"

"Bella, I'm so sorry," he says and hugs me close to his chest and kisses the top of my head, "I'm sorry for fighting with you, that's the last thing I would ever want to do, but I couldn't handle the idea of you walking the streets alone at night, and just then I couldn't deal with the thought of someone else kissing you and touching you—"

I cut him off with a kiss and this kiss is more passionate than anything else. My hands grab his face roughly, while his hands grab my legs and wrap them around his waist. We kiss hungrily and Edward leads us to the bed, where he gently lays me down and starts kissing my collarbone and then my neck and then back to my mouth, while my hands are roaming his bare chest, touching his face,

"We should stop," he says breathlessly

"You're right," I say and continue kissing him

A couple of minutes later we were both breathing raggedly, lying side by side on his bed.

"What am I going to do?" I groan.

"I don't know Bella, maybe try talking to your father again—"

"—He won't listen to me, I've already tried,"

"I'm not sure, we can talk about it tomorrow, come on," he says and pulls the covers back, "Jump in,"

I crawl into bed looking at Edward curiously as he tucks me in and places a kiss on my forehead.

"Goodnight Bella,"

"What are you doing?" I ask as he starts walking away from the bed

"Going to sleep?" he questions.

"You do know people usually sleep in a bed," I say.

"Yes, much like you are going to now,"

"So where are you going?"

"There's a bed in the other room—"

"Don't be ridiculous Edward, get in," I say and pull back the covers

Edward shifts nervously, "I don't think that's such a good idea,"

I laugh, "Edward, don't be stupid and get in _your_ bed,"

He moves closer, so that he's a step away from the bed, "Bella, just go to sleep,"

I don't understand why he is being so difficult about this. Okay it's understandable that it's not 'appropriate' for Edward and I to share the same bed because we're not married, but no one even knows I am here.

"You want me to sleep?" I ask him.

"Yes Bella, it's late,"

"Ok," I say, as I get off the bed quickly and run into the piano room, where the couch is, knowing I wouldn't make it to the room where the other bed was before Edward. I run into the piano room but trip on the edge of the couch, luckily flinging me forward, landing on the couch in front of me.

Edward, being the fast runner he is, manages to catch up to me and see me fall on the couch; he chuckles before groaning,

"You have to be the stubbornest person I know,"

"You must not know yourself very well," I retort.

He chuckles, "What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't let you sleep in a comfortable _bed_?" he asks.

"Edward, we have two options," I say sitting up a little, "either I sleep here and you sleep in _your_ bed, _or_, we both sleep in your bed and we're both happy,"

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair thinking of my proposal, when a risky idea strikes me,

"Or, if you want me to sleep in a _comfortable_ bed, I can always go back to mine," I say as I stand up.

"NO!" shouts Edward and runs to my side, grabbing my waist and sighing, "you'll truly be the death of me Isabella Marie Swan," he whispers in my ear.

"O-okay," I stutter, losing all of my bearings.

Edward chuckles, "let's go then," he says, leading me back to his room with his arm around my waist, probably to stop me from falling again.

I walk to the bed and flop onto it exhaustedly.

"Edward, calm down, it's just sleeping," I say and yawn.

"Let me put some clothes on and I'll come back," he notices my skeptical look, "I promise,"

I nod and snuggle under the covers. I'm about to fall asleep when I feel Edward lay down next to me. I turn around to face him and place my head on his chest, as he wraps his arms around my waist.

"Goodnight Edward," I whisper.

"Goodnight Bella," he whispers and kisses the top of my head, "I love you,"

"I love you too," I mumble.

**A/N: Well that's that. Again, sorry it's not that long, now that I'm almost on holidays, can expect more frequent updates! Ohhh..next chapter, more drama in the lives of Edward and Bella...Please review and thanks for reading.**


	5. No choice

**A/N: Hello everyone, hope you're enjoying the story. Thank you all to those who reviewed!! Now on with the story!!**Previously on "Back to you"

_I nod and snuggle under the covers. I'm about to fall asleep when I feel Edward lay down next to me. I turn around to face him and place my head on his chest, as he wraps his arms around my waist.  
_"_Goodnight Edward," I whisper.  
_"_Goodnight Bella," he whispers and kisses the top of my head, "I love you,"  
_"_I love you too," I mumble._

The next morning I wake up, opening my eyes slowly, disorientated as the sun is shining from the wrong direction. I lift my head realising that I'm not in my own room and then I look next to me and see Edward's sleeping body. He looks so peaceful; I brush the hair off his forehead, stroking his hair, his cheeks, his collarbone, as if I'm trying to memorise him. He starts to stir so I stop, feeling guilty for waking him up,

"Don't stop," he mumbles.

I kiss his cheek and lay my head on his chest, tracing my fingers idly over it.

"Good morning love," he says and kisses my forehead.

"So, how do I explain what I'm doing here and how I got here?" I ask.

"Well, I think that the truth in this case wouldn't do any good," he says after a few moments, "If we leave for the meadow now, we can just explain that I came to pick you up earlier than usual,"

"Sounds good," I say and sit up and then I realise, "what about my clothes?"

Edward chuckles, "I can give you one of my mother's old dresses, don't worry," he says and kisses my cheek.

After spending the day in the meadow, Edward walks me back to my home for dinner.

"Would you like to come in?" I ask.

"Maybe another time," he says and I pout.

He hugs me close to his chest, "You should talk to your parents again, I think it would make them uncomfortable to talk about the _situation_ with me present,"

"They _should_ be uncomfortable," I retort mumbling into his chest.

Edward's body shakes gently with his soft chuckle, "I'm sorry Bella, but I'll see you tomorrow?"

I step back, "well, you could see me earlier…"I trail off.

Edward's light and joking expression changes to dark and menacing, grabbing my waist and pulling me close so he can glare into my eyes more easily,

"Bella, don't you dare, you promised last night," he says lowly.

And as he says this, for two seconds I feel utterly terrified of him, until the fear is replaced by adoration of how much he loves me.

"Edward, I was only joking, I promised you and I won't, even if I get angry at Charlie's response," I say as I cup his face and stroke his cheek with my thumb

"Bella, don't be under the disillusion that I don't want to be there with you for this, but I don't think it's a good idea for me to be there because I'm not sure if I could control my temper as your father sits opposite me and organises your outing with another man," he says and I can hear the anger underneath his polite tone.

"Maybe you're right, but just know that I'll do everything I can to avoid having to go out with Nicholas,"

"I know," says Edward hesitantly suddenly being interested in the street.

"Hey," I say and grab his chin, forcing him to look at me, "Nothing Edward, _nothing _could take me away from you, not Nicholas, not my father, _nothing_. We are _meant_ to be together and I know if anything ever happened, in the end I would always end up with you, in your arms, loving _you_ and no one else,"

Edward smiles slightly, "I love you so much Bella," and his lips gently press against mine, full of love and emotion.

"Edward, I would, I could, _never_ choose someone over you, I can't leave you. I love you so much, you have nothing to worry about with Nicholas, just like I don't have to worry about any of your many admirers," I wink, "and plus, Nick is no where as good a nickname as Ward," I chuckle.

Edwards laughs more genuinely, "Ahhh, Bella…I will see you _tomorrow_," he says shooting me a warning glance, "have a good dinner and good night,"

He kisses my forehead and let's me go, however, being the clumsy girl I am, I trip on the uneven concrete as I step back, luckily Edward is there to catch me before I crack my head open.

"What am I going to do with you?" he smiles as he towers over me, leaving me in a dip.

"Kiss me?" and he does.

He straightens us up, steadying me so I don't fall again. I turn to go inside.

"Do I need to hold your hand or can you manage to walk?" he chuckles.

I, being the mature girl that I am, turn around to poke my tongue out at him and then turn back, when I suddenly get pulled back by my wrist to Edward's chest.

"Do you know how adorable you look when you're angry?" he says before he crashes his lips on mine hastily. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, bringing him closer to me, as he grabs my face with his hands.

After a few minutes, we pull back suddenly aware that there are a few people walking the streets around us, frowning at us.

"If you kiss me like that every time I'm angry, I'm going to have to get angry more often,"

He laughs shaking his head, "Good night Bella," he says as he watches me go inside again.

I smile and blow him a kiss as I close the door.

I run straight into my room and take off Elizabeth's old dress, thankful that no one had seen me in it, or I'd have to lie, which is not one of my strong points.

I hide the dress under the bed in the exact moment that Renee walks into the room.

"Bella, there you are, how was your day?" she asks politely.

I feel bad for yelling at her and Charlie last night, realising now that I was out of line.

"It was good," I reply slowly, "I'm sorry about last night,"

"Me too honey, I wish you would at least have said goodbye this morning when you left, it was only until Elizabeth came over and told me that Edward had left earlier than usual to come pick you up, that I knew you were safe,"

Elizabeth came over to my house to tell Renee I was with Edward? But how did she know? I mean, it's common knowledge that Edward and I spend all of our time together, but how could Elizabeth know to come over and tell Renee that I had 'left early' with Edward? Unless…oh no, she knows I was with Edward last night…

"Honey, are you okay?" asks Renee snapping me out of my reverie.

"Yes, I'm fine," I reply.

"Ok, well dinner will be ready in ten minutes, I will see you downstairs," she says and closes the door.

I nod mutely, still thinking of my revelation.

EPOV  
Bella, Bella, Bella.

That girl could very easily be the death of me. I can't believe the fight we got into last night and her irrationality, how could she leave at night with God knows who or what is out on the streets?

I walk into my house to find my mother sitting in the sitting room knitting.

"Hello mother," I say and kiss her cheek.

"How are you today Edward?" she asks.

"I'm very good, I'm sorry that I haven't seen you today, I was with Bella since early morning,"

"Or since late last night?" she asks nonchalantly while knitting.

I sputter, "Wh-what are you ta-talking ab-about?"

She looks up at me waiting for me to acknowledge her revelations out loud.

"Or some could say since late last night," I look down ashamed.

"Edward," she begins and puts down the needles, and I can feel her disappointment over my actions about to ensue.

"I don't want Bella to come here—"

"—WHAT?" I interrupt her.

"Edward, just let me—" she attempts.

"NO! I love Bella, and she is welcome in this house, even if you are not accepting of her," I say thinking that the last 24 hours could not be worse.

"Edward, _stop!_" my mother says with more authority.

"Sorry mother, continue," I say.

"Can I finish this time, or do you have anything else to add?" she asks, reminding me of Bella last night.

I nod my head.

"What I was trying to say is that I don't want Bella to come here at night anymore, the streets are dangerous especially for a young girl…even if she is dressed as a boy,"

"That's what I told her, I don't know what on Earth she was thinking, I almost had a heart attack when I saw her in my room," I say.

She smiles, "I can only imagine,"

"I'm sorry for not telling you that she was here," I say.

"Edward it's alright, at least you had sense to let her stay here and not let her go home,"

"I had to force her not to leave," I say and then realise how that must sound, "I mean, she almost left by herself, I had to stop her,"

My mother just laughs at me, "I understand,"

"When did you see her?" I ask curious as to how she found out.

"Your father and I came home late from dinner with Mary and William, so I saw her when I was getting a glass of water from the kitchen,"

"Oh," I say, "I lent her one of your old dresses that was in the out house,"  
She smiles, "Always the gentleman, I'm thankful you didn't make her go out dressed as a boy, even I couldn't explain that to Renee,"

"What?" I ask perplexed.

"I visited her in the morning to tell her that you'd come to take Bella out earlier than usual,"

I hugged my mother, "you are the best mother imaginable,"

She laughs, "So do I get to know why she came here?"

I sit down next to her, and place my elbows on my knees and rest my head in my hands, "Charles wants her to be escorted out by Nicholas Sparks,"

"Oh," she says.

"I mean, _I'm_ the one courting her, he gave me permission, he can't just get her more suitors," I groan frustrated.

I spend the next 15 minutes talking to my mother about the situation.

"Well, Isabella could go out with Nicholas and just tell her father she's not interested, that way, her father is happy, she's happy, you're happy and then I'm happy," she states.

"There's only one problem with that…"

"Which is…?" she prompts me.

"What if she likes Nicholas more than me? Or realises that Nicholas is better than me? Or if she decides to leave me? I couldn't handle that…"

"Edward…I have no doubt in my mind that Isabella would ever leave you. If she did have to go out with Nicholas, it would just show her how much better you are. Don't forget, Isabella has never shown interest in anyone but you, that should mean a lot to you,"

"Thankyou mother," I say as I hug her and kiss her cheek.

"Let's see how dinner is going, your father should be home soon,"

BPOV

Soon after, Charlie, Renee and I were, like last night, seated in the dining room table eating dinner silently.

"Isabella," called Charlie.

I looked up at him, "Yes?"

"Nicholas will be here tomorrow at 9 o'clock to escort you out," he said and continue to eat as if he had just told me the weather forecast.

"What about Edward?"

"He'll understand,"

"Understand? Not even _I_ understand,"

"It's simple, you have to go out just this once with Nicholas and that's that,"

"And if I refuse?"

"Don't be difficult Isabella, you'd only be punishing your time with Edward with your decisions,"

I look at him incredulously, "Fine, I'll do this for _Edward_, but don't expect me to forgive you. I'm excused," I say and walk to my bedroom.

I sit on my bed and I start crying, fighting the urge to run over to Edward's house tonight. Last night was amazing, sleeping there with his arms around me, I felt so safe, so comfortable, so…at home.

I took out my copy of Wuthering Heights, but not even my favourite book could distract me from my troubles. I get ready for bed, willing day to come earlier, so I could see Edward sooner.

At the moment, I am sitting in the sitting room, ready for my unwanted escort to come. I start thinking about Edward and realise that I don't even have the chance to tell him what happened last night or that I will be going out with Nicholas today.

"Hello Isabella," I hear a male voice call for me.

I shift my gaze towards the voice, "Hello Nicholas," I say.

"Shall we?" he asks holding out a bent arm to me.

"Let's," I say but don't take his hand.

"What would you like to do?" he asks when we reach the street.

"I'm not sure, it's your choice,"

"Would you mind if we just walk around on the streets?"

"That sounds good," I say, happy that I wouldn't have to sit still and that I didn't have to go anywhere uncomfortable.

"So…" he begins and twists his palms nervously, "I have to tell you something…"

I look at him confused, what on earth could he be nervous to tell me? We stop walking and he looks at me,

"I'm sorry Bella, but nothing is going to happen between us. It's true that I think that you are a fantastic girl, but someone else holds my heart. I hope you can forgive me for my father insisting I take you out when I had no intention to court you, you see the night my father organised this," he gestures his hands between us two, "before I had just met the girl of my dreams, I'm sorry" he finishes looking ashamed.

I can't help but grin like the cat that ate the canary. I'm so happy that I jump and hug him, wrapping my arms around his neck, laughing.

"Sorry," I blush, "it's just that I'm so happy. You see, I already have someone courting me, and he is without a doubt the love of my life and we're so in love. I tried, too, to get out of this, not anything personal to you, but because it wasn't fair to you or to my suitor,"

This time it was his turn to hug me and I hugged him back,

"Thank God," he said, "I didn't know what you expected of me…"

"So, tell me about this girl that has captured your heart,"

He grins at me, "Well, her name is Stephanie…" he says as we start walking again.

About an hour and a half later, Nicholas had escorted me to my front door,

"It was a pleasure to spend the morning with you Isabella," he says.

"It was nice, I like you more than I thought I would," I laugh.

He kisses my hand, "We should do this again sometime, and maybe you could meet her…?"

"That would be fantastic, I have to introduce you to Edward of course, I think you'd both enjoy each other's company, _after_ I explain to him that you have and never had any intention of stealing me away from him," I laugh.

"Please mention that before we meet," he laughs too.

"Goodbye Nicholas," I say as I walk to the door.

"Goodbye Isabella,"

After an hour of waiting for Edward to come over, I'm starting to feel restless.

"Isabella, would you like to go over to Edward's then?" asks Renee

"Ohhh, can I?" I ask jumping from the couch.

"Of course, I'll walk with you,"

I spent the short walk to Edward's house telling Renee about Nicholas and how he was only a good friend.

"Hello Renee and Isabella," says Elizabeth as she answers the door.

"Edward is in his sitting room practicing the piano if you'd like to join him,"

"Thank you Elizabeth," I say as I basically run to the back house.

The house is silent; he must be taking a break from the piano. I walk silently into the sitting room to see Edward lying on his back on the couch, with one arm bent covering his eyes.

"Edward?" I ask wondering if he's sleeping.

He shoots up, "Bella?" he wonders, "What are you doing here?"

I look at him as if he's crazy, "am I not allowed to come here during the days either?" I chuckle.

"No, of course you can, I was just wondering why you weren't with _Nicholas_,"

"Because I want to be here with you instead?" I say, making it sound like a question.

"You don't have to stay here because of sympathy, I don't need your pity," he sighs dejectedly and lies back down. He looks so sad and heat-broken…

"Pity?"

"I saw you with Nicholas hugging and laughing, it seemed you two had a lot of fun. If you're happy with him Bella, I won't stand in your way,"

I'm so astounded, how could he think that I'd choose Nicholas over him? How could he think I could love anyone else but him?

"Edward, you're being absurd again,"

"No, I'm not…" he says half-heartedly

"Edward, let me ask you some questions…do you love me?" I ask

"Of course I do," he sits up immediately, "why? Are you doubting me?"

"No, of course not Edward, just let me ask the questions and you'll see my point," I explain, "Okay, so you love me? Just 'yes' or 'no',"

"Yes," he says but clearly not satisfied with the adequacy of the word.

"And you would never leave me?"

"No,"

"And you would never love anyone else?"

"No,"

"And you would never leave me for anyone else?"

"No,"

"Then why do you think I wouldn't do the same?"

Realisation dawns on his face, "you're choosing me?" he asks incredulously.

"There was never a choice to make," I say.

He walks to me and picks me up, spinning me in circles before finally setting me down and kissing me.

We spend the next half hour with Edward sitting on the couch with me lying down with my head in his lap, while he plays with my hair, and I explain about what had transpired between Nicholas and I.

"I love you Bella,"

"I love you too Edward," I say and just stare into his depthless green orbs.

It seemed to me that life couldn't get any better. The next five months flew by and everything was going well; Renee and Charlie were happy that everything worked out well for Edward and I and we both became friends with Nicholas and Stephanie, seeing them from time to time. In that time, we had a big dinner party to celebrate Edward's 17th birthday, which went very well. Edward and I basically spent the whole night dancing with one another. I decided to buy Edward a pocket watch that I had asked the jeweller to inscribe "Totus tuus in omne tempus" meaning "all yours until all time" in Latin. I wouldn't know that my life was going to be turned upside down.

"Isabella," my father sighed one night at dinner.

"Yes?" I asked, placing my fork on the table and turning to face him.

"I don't want you to be upset…" what on earth could he possibly do to make me upset now? "We're leaving,"

**A/N: Da na na na. Will fate separate these two soul mates, or do they have other plans in mind? Guess you'll have to wait for the next chapter!! Thanks for reading and please review. Thanks!**


	6. Lullaby

**A/N: Hello everyone, thank you all for reviewing. Some of you don't like all the fighting, so I've cut it down between them. Some of you are right in that they will separate (but that's obvious from the summary), but it's not going to happen yet. Also, don't get your hopes up just yet, neither Bella nor Edward will be turning into vampires soon. I hope you're all liking the story, keep up the reviews!!! The song title in this chapter refers to the song Lullaby- The Spill Canvas, which i think is such a cute song and fits perfectly in this chapter. Enjoy…**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
_"_Isabella," my father sighed one night at dinner.  
_"_Yes?" I asked, placing my fork on the table and turning to face him.  
_"_I don't want you to be upset…" what on earth could he possibly do to make me upset now? "We're leaving,"  
_  
"WHAT?" I yelled, flying out of my chair, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN LEAVING?"

"Well, I've been asked to help out in Cincinnati by my boss,"

"No, no, NO, you can't do that to me!" I yell, "What about Edward?"

"I'm so sorry honey. It's the best thing for us," placated my mother.

"Best for us?" I ask incredulously, "Being with Edward is what's _best_ for me,"

"There is nothing you can do, it's been decided," Charlie said with finality, "you're mother and I will be leaving the day after your 17th dinner party to get the house ready and then we'll come back her for you,"

"Don't worry sweetheart, it'll only be a few months," says my mother

I barely notice my feet carrying me up the stairs to my room. When I get there, I collapse in a bundle on my bed, aching for Edward's protective and soothing arms around me. But I can't see him until tomorrow, and unlike last time, I don't have to courage or the strength to sneak out and tell him and tell him this deplorable news. Instead, I cry until my body is too exhausted to keep me conscious.

The next morning, I am still lying in the same position as last night, in my dress, under my blankets, cradling my knees to my chest. I hear a knock on the door, but I can't answer, I don't have the heart or the strength to tell anyone to leave me alone and let me wallow in my guilt.

The knocking continues and then I hear the door being opened slowly. My mother emerges from the shadows.

"Isabella, it's not healthy to sleep throughout the whole day, it's almost one in the afternoon," she says gently

I just stare back at her blankly. I don't know how my face must look when I'm feeling so many emotions; sadness and pain for leaving Edward, anger at my parents for being dysfunctional and not being able to stay loyal to one another (like this "family time" is going to help), emptiness, and with a sliver of hope that maybe my parents will change their minds, or that the flu doesn't come to Chicago or that I could return very, _very_ quickly.

She sighs and leaves my room. I'm lying on my bed, just about to fall into the routine of sleeping and waking, which I have been doing for the last two hours. I gently hear a knock on the door, but I decide not to dignify it with a response again, and keep my eyes closed. I hear the door open and soft footsteps make their way over to my bed. Ever so gently, I feel my hair being stroked, and then my cheek tingles and my heart's quick breathing tells me I know who it is. It's the only person that can make my skin burn after a touch, the only person who can make me blush while sleeping, the only person that causes me to catch my breath whenever they are near…

"Edward," I whisper, softly opening my eyes to see him

He wipes away at my tear-stained cheeks and places a kiss to my forehead, "Good afternoon, my love," he says

"Did they tell you?" I ask

He just nods his head.

"I don't want to go," I whisper squeezing his hand tightly as if he might disappear in a second

"I don't want you to go either," he says and kisses my cheek and then along my jaw line, down my neck, before bringing his lips down onto my own. It's unlike any kiss we've ever shared; it's full of love, passion, desire, sadness, all these intense feelings, in a slow burning kiss.

"Did they tell you where you'll be staying while they leave on Sunday?" he asks

I shake my head.

"Would you like to spend it at my house?" asks Edward

"I'm staying with your family?" I ask incredulously, while he just nods.

"There's nothing more that I want than to lie in your arms forever," I reply.

After moping around in bed for two days, it was the day of my 17th birthday party, which meant that tonight I would have a dinner and my parents would be leaving tomorrow, meaning I would be staying with Edward and his family.

Renee is helping me get into my dress. I decided to wear the floor-length royal blue dress that Renee and Charlie had bought me for my birthday. After picking up my hair and putting on my shoes, I was ready to go downstairs where everyone was waiting for me.

As I descend the stairs, I can see Edward talking to his parents, having his back turned to me, but as soon as start walking down everyone looks up at me, and Edward turns around and smiles _my_ smile. He makes his way to the foot of the stairs and holds out his hand for me to take.

"Happy birthday, you look like a goddess," he says as he kisses my hand

I blush, "Thank you,"

Edward stays by me as I greet everyone and thank them for coming. If I were being honest, I would rather spend the night having a dinner with Edward's family and mine, not a party with women from High Society Circles with daughters that are trying to dance with Edward. I don't even know why we bother, but then again, Renee lives to be a part of Chicago's Elite, too bad she doesn't care about her reputation enough to stop cheating on my father.

Finally we finish dinner and the band starts to play. We cleared the salon and turned it into a dance floor.

"May I have this dance?" asks Edward holding out his hand to me

"You can have every dance," I say

We twirl around a bit.

"Did you know before I met you I hated dancing? It's not so bad with you, you're the only person I like to dance with,"

"Thank you for the honour," he says smiling

We dance for a few more songs before Edward asks me if I want my present now.

"Edward, you didn't have to get me anything. Trust me, you being here is way more than enough,"

"Hush, let's," he says and leads me to the foyer, "Here," he says and hands me a velvet box

"Edward—"

"Please, just open it,"

I take a final look at him and then look down at the box, opening it slowly. Inside is a silver bracelet with a crystal heart attached.

"Oh my God," I whisper, "it's beautiful,"

"Happy Birthday," he says and kisses me softly, "can I put it on you?"

"Of course,"

The rest of the night, Edward and I dance, and I can't help but stare at the bracelet that's on my right wrist from time to time.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning," he says when everyone starts to leave

"Did you have a good night Isabella?" asks Renee

"Yes, it was fantastic, thank you,"

"Is that what Edward got you?" she asks holding my right hand. I nod. "It's absolutely beautiful,"

"I know, I'm scared I'm going to break it or lose it,"

"Just be careful and you won't. I'm going to miss you darling,"

"It's only for a week mother," I say and hug her

"I know, I know, but I've never been away from you for that long,"

"Come on, let's go to bed, it's a big day tomorrow,"

I somehow manage to sleep peacefully last night. I expected to be restless because of my excitement and nerves, but I guess I was so exhausted from my party that my mind just shut down.

I get out of bed and change into some clothes. Renee and Charlie would be leaving soon. I walk downstairs to see Charlie and the cab driver taking the bags to the car.

"Perfect, I was just about to wake you up. Our train leaves soon. Goodbye Isabella, we'll see you next week," she says and comes to give me a kiss on my cheek and a hug

"Bye mother, I'm going to miss you,"

"Isabella," says Charlie walking into the door, "We have to go, but goodbye pumpkin, we'll see you soon,"

"Ok, Charlie," I say and we hug briefly.

I stand in the doorway to see Edward walking down the street towards me. He says goodbye to my parents and then walks up to me.

"Good morning," he says

I grin at him, "Morning Edward,"

We wave my parents off before turning back into the house.

"So how did I end up staying with you?" I ask making my way upstairs.

"I told my mother what was happening and she managed to convince them that it would be a good chance to say goodbye," says Edward reaching over my head for the case that I was trying to reach on my dresser.

I look at him, "Are you sure they don't mind that I'll be at your house?"

"Yes, they wouldn't have offered if they had a problem. Don't be too hard on your parents they want to do whatever they can to get you out of bed and to make you happy,"

I scoff, "yes, a few nights at your house and I'm meant to be ecstatic…"

Edward smiles, but the smile is only half-hearted and doesn't reach his eyes

"I love you Edward," I say and stroke his cheek.

"I love you too Bella, more than you'll ever know," he whispers before his lips come crashing onto mine

"Now, I'm going to let you get packed and I'll—"

"Don't go," I say and grab his wrist.

Edward looks at me, and probably realises that I'd fall into a heap on the floor if he leaves me too, so he kisses my head and sits on my bed.

I put a few dresses, some undergarments and my nightgowns into the case and walk over to where Edward is sitting, watching me.

I stand in between his legs, and clasp my hands around his neck loosely. He looks up at me.

"Edward," I begin, "I don't want to spend the next few days crying with you or thinking about leaving, I just want to spend the next few days being with _you_,"

"I can do that for you Bella," he says softly.

"Good," I say and kiss him gently on the lips.

"Ok, well, let's go," he says and takes my case, while I put my coat on.

We walk silently to his house until we see Elizabeth standing at the door.

"Isabella," she smiles as she hugs me. This woman is one of the best women I have ever met; so genuine, so caring, and so motherly…

"Elizabeth, it's nice to see you again. Thank you for letting me stay with you, I'm sorry that it isn't under better circumstances," I say as Edward walks inside to put my case away

"It's no trouble Isabella, I'm glad to have you here. Don't worry, everything will all work out, I know that you and Edward belong together, and you are and always will be my daughter,"

Wow, it's astounding that only after a few short months the woman standing in front of me is calling me her daughter, but then again, I didn't think it was possible for someone like Edward to be in love with me.

"Thank you so much Elizabeth, that means a lot to me,"

"Well then, let's not focus on upcoming events, let's focus on the present, so let's head inside," she says and leads me to the sitting room.

Edward walks in a few moments later and takes a seat next to me, holding my hand. I smile up at him gratefully.

"Well, it's already late afternoon, and I must start dinner as Nancy is visiting her sister for her birthday. So, you two can do what you like, dinner will be ready at 6:30," says Elizabeth

"Would you like some help?" I ask

"No, it's fine, you two enjoy the rest of the day, tomorrow we can cook together," she smiles

"Ok, I'd like that," I smile back

Edward stands up and leads me to the back house.

"Edward," I ask, "Where will I be sleeping?"

"Here," he smiles and gestures to the back house

I smile brightly at him, "I get to sleep with you?"

He chuckles at my enthusiasm; "Of course your parents think we will have different beds and bedrooms,"

"And what do your parents think?" I ask hesitantly

"They know that you will sleep in the same bed as me, but they trust us,"

We walk into Edward's bedroom to see my case sitting in the corner of the room.

"What would you like to do?" he asks me

"Read with me," I say as I sit on his bed grabbing a copy of Romeo and Juliet from my case

"I'm surprised you haven't chosen to read Wuthering Heights," he smiles

"I know you don't like that book very much,"

"You know me too well, but I don't know how you can like that book at all, the characters are ghastly people,"

"Hush hush, I don't say anything because you like to read…" I trail off thinking about a book that he likes and that I don't.

"… because I like to read…" he prompts me, gliding closer to where I am sitting on the edge of the bed

"Umm…" I struggle not only to think, but also to breathe with him looking so perfect

"Bella, are you saying that you _agree_ with me?" he asks teasingly.

"No!" I exclaim, "I just can't think of any books,"

"And why would that be?" he asks finally reaching me and now ghosting the back of his hand on my cheeks.

"Because I'm too mesmerized by you," I whisper and Edward takes this chance to start kissing me. First my mouth, and then when I'm in desperate need of oxygen, he trails his mouth to the edge of my lips, down to my jaw, lower into the hollow of my neck and then up to the spot just below my ear, and all I can do is moan at the sensation.

"Breathe, Bella," he whispers in my ear and I grab his collar and push him so that he is laying with his back on the bed and I start kissing him, and doing exactly what he did to me.

"Breathe, Edward," I whisper after a few minutes.

He chuckles, "Touché, now how about we start reading?"

Edward reads Romeo and Juliet to me, and I speak Juliet's parts, but it's so beautiful listening to Edward read in his soft velvet voice one of the greatest love stories of all time.

"That is so romantic," I exclaim.

"What is?" asks Edward.

"Romeo standing outside Juliet's balcony, as they profess their love,"

"Why Miss Swan, I didn't know you were such a romantic," says Edward teasingly.

"Anyone would think it's romantic, having the love of your life standing outside of your window professing their love for you,"

"Mmmm," says Edward absentmindedly.

"Don't be upset because you aren't Romeo, Edward," I chuckle.

"I'm much better than Romeo, I'm the real thing," he says and we start kissing again. I think kissing Edward is one thing that I'll never get tired of doing.

"Mmhmm, much better," I agree while he laughs.

"How about we go back, dinner will be almost ready," he suggests.

"Sounds good," I say and take his hand while he leads us back to the house.

Dinner is fantastic. The food is delicious, and Elizabeth, both Edward's and I have a fantastic evening.

"Edward dear?" asks Elizabeth

"Yes?" says _my_ Edward

"Could you get some more bread from the kitchen please?"

"Of course," he says, always the gentleman

"I'm curious, how do you not get confused when she calls 'Edward'?" I ask Edward Snr.

He chuckles, "I don't know, it seems we have gotten used to it, normally when she says 'dear' she's referring to my son—"

"Or I just normally call him by a nickname to avoid confusion,"

"Nickname?" I ask

"Yes like, 'honey', 'love', you know?" she smiles

I laugh, "right,"

"What's so funny?" they ask

"I'm just laughing at the difference between those nicknames and the one I chose for Edward,"

"And what did you decide on?" asks Elizabeth

I blush, "Well…" I chuckle

"It's not funny Bella," says Edward walking back with some bread

"It's very funny…Ward," I say and Elizabeth and Edward Snr laugh with me.

After a few minutes of clutching our sides with laughter and trying to regain our composure, Elizabeth finally speaks,

"Why didn't I think of that?" she asks, "Ward," and we start laughing once again.

"I'm sorry," I say to Edward after I've calmed down

"It's fine, I love to see you smile, or laugh hysterically, even if it's at my expense," he reassures me

I kiss his cheek, "I love you, _Edward_,"

"So, what is your nickname for Isabella here, Edward?" ask Edward Snr.

"I call her Bella," he states

"Well, I must admit, it suits you," says Elizabeth, "and I'm sorry to admit but it's a better nickname than Ward,"

"Better, but not as funny," amends Edward Snr.

We say our 'goodnights' and decide to go to bed. I grab my nightgown and decide to change in the bathroom while Edward changes in his bedroom, of course after having a little debate.

I walk back in to see Edward already under the covers. I place my belongings on top of the case and get into bed, laying my head on Edward's chest and wrapping an arm around his waist, while he wraps his arm around my waist.

"Goodnight love," I turn my head to see him

"Goodnight beautiful," he says and places a kiss on the top of my head and starts humming a soft tune

I wake up in the morning, with warmth covering my back and an arm wrapped around my waist, and I smile to myself. As I become more conscious, I can feel movement on my head, and I assume Edward is awake and is playing with my hair.

"I have never slept better than I do in your arms," I say softly.

"I know what you mean," he says and kisses my head.

I turn to face him, "so what are we doing today?" I ask him.

"Well, how about we have some late breakfast first, and then I have a surprise for you,"

I groan, which earns me a chuckle from Edward. After getting dressed, we make our way to the kitchen and have breakfast/early lunch. Edward Snr has already left for work, and Elizabeth is knitting in the sitting room.

"So, do I get to know the surprise now?" I ask Edward once we've finished eating

"Soon," he says

"Good morning dears," says Elizabeth as she strolls into the dining room

"Good morning," we say

"So, what do you two have planned for the rest of today?" she asks

I glare at Edward and say, "Elizabeth, I would love to tell you, but _someone_ is refusing to tell _me_,"

Edward laughs, "you didn't ask me what we were doing today, you asked me what your surprise was," he says to me, "we're going to the meadow today,"

"That'll be good, it's a nice spring day outside," says Elizabeth, "Isabella, would you like to help me cook dinner tonight?"

"Of course," I say, "I love to cook,"

"Fantastic. We should start at around 5 o'clock,"

"That sounds great,"

Edward and I spend the day at the meadow, where we take a stroll. He hands me a daisy, and I continue to pick a bouquet of flowers, until we realise it's long past lunchtime and that we should be getting back.

"So do I get my surprise now?" I ask.

"You are very impatient young lady," he chuckles.

"Well, if you told me what it was, you wouldn't have to listen to me asking you what it is," I smile.

"Come on," he says as we reach his front door.

Edward walks in and I hand her mother the flowers I picked, while Edward tells her that we'll be in the backhouse for my surprise. Elizabeth claps her hands excitedly and then chuckles at my confused expression.

"You'll absolutely love it dear," she says, "We can start cooking afterwards,"

I nod my head slowly and then follow Edward through the back door.

"Bella, don't worry, it's not a bad thing or else I would have told you," he says when we reach the back house.

I again just stare at him stoically and nod my head slowly.

"Bella," he whispers and cradles my face in his hands, "I love you so much, what could be possibly wrong with the surprise?"

My breath becomes deep and laboured, "I don't like them" I stutter.

"I'll be right next to you for it," he whispers as his lips trail up and down my jaw.

"Okay," I murmur.

"See, there's nothing to be afraid of,"

I just nod my head slowly.

He steps back and looks at me, "Would you like your surprise now?"

"Fine," I attempt to grumble.

Edward chuckles and grabs my hand, leading us to the piano room, as I have appropriately named it.

Oh my God, is he going to…

Edward moves to the piano and sits at the bench, yep; he's going to play for me

I run over to sit next to him on the bench and clap, "You're really going to play for me?" I ask

"Of course I am," he says and kisses my head

He starts to play a beautiful melody, so complex, so involved, so utterly amazing that it's a wonder that only one pair of hands is playing it. I look over at Edward and realise that he's not looking at the music sheet in front of him instead his eyes are closed. I close my eyes too, trying to think who had composed this song and where I had heard it before. When the final notes hung in the air I snap open my eyes having realised that this was the tune Edward hummed me to sleep with.

"Did you like it?" he asks still with his eyes closed

Like is such an understatement to what words I'd use to describe that soft piece. Magnificent, beautiful, fantastic, words cannot describe its perfection, filled with sorrow, passion but with an underlying message of pure love. I turn myself so that my legs are on either side of the bench.

Edward turns to look at me, "What's wrong?" he asks and wipes my cheeks.

I hadn't even realised that I was crying.

"Nothing, it's perfect," I say and kiss him.

"Well, it should be,"

I cock my head to the side confused.

He smiles, "A perfect piece only comes from a perfect muse,"

"Me? You wrote that song for me?" I ask incredulously.

"I wrote that song for you, because of you, the song _is_ you," he says

I start to cry, how could someone be so perfect. He wrote that song for _me_. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tight.

"You _wrote_ that song. You _wrote_ that song for _me_. I'm feeling very insignificant at the moment," I cry into his shoulder. He shifts his body so his position is like mine, both legs on either side of the bench.

"They're happy tears, right?" he asks

"Of course they are. It's not everyday that the man of your dreams writes you the most beautiful song, and hums it to you so you can sleep,"

"You noticed?"

"Yeah…right at the end of the piece. So what's the song called?"

He smiles, "It's called 'Bella's Lullaby',"

"Could you be anymore perfect?"

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head and I laugh.

"Really Edward? You are the epitome of perfection. Not only have you written me a beautiful lullaby, which I apparently inspired. You have let me stay with you, you have shared with me a beautiful meadow, you are the perfect son to your parents, and they are fantastic. Your body is perfect, you have the most unruly hair, your eyes are so green that I could spend days looking into them, your arms when they wrap around me keep me safe and strong. Although you are stubborn, and protective and sometimes a jealous fool, I love you so much more for it, because it shows how much you love me. Edward, you're absolutely perfect just the way you are, I love you so much…"

He cuts me off with a kiss.

"It's me who's lucky and it's _you_ who is perfect. You are so beautiful I can't look away, your brown hair that cascades down your back, your big brown depthless eyes that help me see into the complex workings of your mind. Bella, you are so unpredictable, but it's what I love about you, you never do what I expect you to do. Your beautiful blush when something embarrasses you, when I tell you how much I love you. You are loyal and always put others feelings before your own. You are so clumsy, but know that I will always be there to catch you when you fall, because Bella, nobody compares to you. You're unlike anyone I've ever met, so opinionated, so stubborn, and just so _right_. I can't love you anymore that I do now or I think I would burst. Bella, you are my life—"

I grab his face with my hands and cut him off with a kiss, "I love you so much" I whisper against his lips. We pull back, and he cups my small hands in his big ones.

"Marry me," he says staring right into my eyes

I can feel my eyes widening at his request, and I'm trying to decide whether this is a figment of my imagination or whether he really did say it.

"What?" I whisper breathlessly

**A/N: Ok…so we have a marriage proposal…will she say yes or runaway? Will someone get in the way between them? Update is going to be soon. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review, thanks!!**


	7. Breathe in, Breathe out

**A/N: Hello, everyone thank you all for reviewing and reading. The title of this chapter comes from Mat Kearney's song Breathe in Breathe out. Well not much to say, so let's get back to the proposal…**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__"Marry me," he says staring right into my eyes  
__I can feel my eyes widening at his request, and I'm trying to decide whether this is a figment of my imagination or whether he really did say it.  
_"_What?" I whisper breathlessly_

He drops his hands from my face but before he can answer, Elizabeth knocks and walks into the room, "Isabella, would you like to help me for dinner?" she asks

Edward leaps off the bench not looking at me, "That's a good idea. Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom,"

I watch him in disbelief as he heads to the bathroom. How could he ask me to marry him and then not be able to look at me? Did I only just imagine it?

I turn to look at Elizabeth and force a smile on my face, "Yes, let's go,"

She looks at me oddly and then nods her head, leading us back to the main house.

I'm peeling the potatoes, while she peels the carrots, when she asks me,

"I'm sorry dear, but I couldn't help but notice Edward's sudden departure earlier, is everything ok?"

I don't know what to say for a few minutes, when I answer, "I don't know,"

She puts down her knife and comes over to hug me, "it'll be alright dear, what happened?" she asks

"It was beautiful, he played me my lullaby and…wow,"

She smiles and nods her head, "I told you that you'd like it,"  
I smile meekly at her, "And then I told him what I loved about him, and that he was absolutely perfect, and he told me that I was wrong that it was _I _who was perfect, and then I told him that I loved him, and I kissed him…" I trail off blushing like crazy

She smiles, "You're in love dear, you're allowed to kiss. So what happened afterwards, I'm quite sure that the kiss isn't what had him run away?"

"Well, he asked me…to…umm…marry him,"

"He did what?" she asks disbelievingly

"I think," I add

"You think?" she smiles

"I don't know if I imagined it," I blush, "It was such a perfect moment, I don't know if I just think that I heard him say that…so I said 'what?'"

"And then I walked in?"

I nod.

"Don't worry dear, it will be fine, I'm sure Edward just thinks that you were going to say 'no',"

"But _I_ don't even know what I'd say. There's nothing more that I want than to be married to Edward, but I'm leaving soon and that wouldn't be fair for me to tie him down while I'm gone. But then I think it's going to happen eventually, why not now? Why not marry him tonight, tomorrow, anytime before I leave? I know that I'm never going to love anyone as much as I love Edward, so why not make it official?"

Elizabeth just looks at me pointedly, and I realise what my answer would be.

"How am I this stupid? It's as clear as day. I couldn't imagine my life without Edward. It hurts to imagine a _day_ without seeing Edward at least once. Why couldn't I just say 'yes', nod, do _anything_ that doesn't make him question how much I love him?"

Elizabeth hugs me again, "It'll work out dear. Edward isn't questioning your love for him, he's probably just angry at himself,"

"At himself?"

"He probably thinks that he's moving too fast for you, and that he's forcing you to make a decision,"

"But he's not," I sob, "You don't know how to go back in time, do you?"

She smiles, "No, sorry dear. How about you go wash your face, I don't want you to cut yourself with watery eyes,"

"Ok, I'll be back,"

Edward and I hadn't talked since the 'incident'. While I was making dinner, he stayed in the back house, obviously giving me space and only coming into the main house when dinner was about to be served. Edward Snr. decided to invite a colleague, John Willows, to join us, which only prevented me from talking to Edward. When I saw him, he kissed my cheek, but other than that, we ate quietly. I snapped my head up when I realised that John was talking about something remotely interesting.

"Do you two enjoy the theatre?" asks John

"Yes, is there a play coming soon?" asks Elizabeth

"Yes actually, Susan and I were going to go see Romeo and Juliet two days, you should join us,"

"That would be lovely," says Edward Snr.

"Father, can I speak to you for a moment?" asks Edward leaping from his chair. I look at him confused at his actions, but he's eyes are trained on his father.

"Sorry, if you'll excuse us for only a moment," says Edward Snr and ushers them upstairs to his office

"That's fine, could I please use the bathroom?" asks John

"Of course, it's the first door on the left in the hallway," replies Elizabeth

"Thankyou," he says and leaves

"What's going on with Edward?" I ask as I help Elizabeth collect the plates

"I don't know," she smiles weakly, and leads us both to the kitchen, with our hands holding the plates. We clear the table and place plates of cake at each sitting.

Elizabeth and I take our places again, followed by both Edward's smiling a few moments later. Edward Snr. takes his place, but Edward stands next to me in his coat,

"I'll be back Bella. I love you," he says and kisses my cheek

I turn to ask him where he is going, but he's already gone. John walks back into the dining room, and I realise that it would be inappropriate to ask in front of a guest. John leaves shortly after dessert and some cognac, but Edward still isn't back yet. Where on Earth could he be?

I let Elizabeth and Edward enjoy each other's company while I clean the table. It's the least I can do since they _have_ let me stay here, and of course, it'll help keep my mind of Edward. I finish up and walk into the sitting room. I glance at the clock wondering what could be taking Edward so long.

"Isabella, maybe you should go to bed, it's late," says Edward

"I really wanted to wait until Edward gets back, what's taking him so long?"

"I'm not sure dear. At least, start getting ready for bed. Read a book or something, I'm sure he will be here soon," says Elizabeth

"Okay, goodnight Elizabeth, goodnight Edward," I say and head to the back house

I take my time putting on my nightgown and folding my clothes, but Edward still isn't back. I decide to sit on the bed and read Wuthering Heights. I read about 20 pages when I hear…

EPOV

"Marry me," I say, cradling her beautiful face in my hands.

As soon as I say the words, I can see her eyes bulge at my words. Oh my God, how could I be so stupid, it's too soon, and she's leaving in a few days…why couldn't I just wait, plan it out properly, or at least have a _ring_ to give her?

"What?" I hear her whisper.

I drop my hands. I haven't decided whether I want to tell her to forget about it, or try and convince her to say yes, when I hear my mother come into the room asking Bella if she'd like to help her with dinner.

I jump off the bench and say, "That's a good idea. Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom," and make a run for the door, not looking back, even though I can feel Bella's eyes staring into me. Oh no, now she's going to hate me. I ask her to marry me, the ultimate vow that I will always love her and be there for her, and now, I escape at the first chance I get, without saying as much as sorry.

I stay in the bathroom long enough to start to hate myself and realise what a coward I have been when I decide to go to Bella and apologise. I hear my mother's and Bella's voice from where I am standing in the hallway, and even though I know it's wrong, I want to know what she's thinking about what just happened.

"Well, he asked me…to…umm…marry him," I hear Bella say

"He did what?" asks my mother. Oops, maybe I should have said something to her, but how could I, it was so spur of the moment…

"I think," adds Bella. What does she mean, 'I think'?

"You think?" asks my mother, bless her.

"I don't know if I imagined it," and I can imagine her blush radiating off her, "It was such a perfect moment, I don't know if I just think that I heard him say that…so I said 'what?'"

"And then I walked in?" concludes my mother.

So she wasn't scared by my sudden request? I feel like bursting into the kitchen and getting down on one knee, but I know that Bella deserves better than that.

"Don't worry dear, it will be fine, I'm sure Edward just thinks that you were going to say 'no'," reassures my mother.

"But _I_ don't even know what I'd say. There's nothing more that I want than to be married to Edward, but I'm leaving soon and that wouldn't be fair for me to tie him down while I'm gone," How could she even think that I could be with anyone else, even after I had told her countless times that there never was, never is and never will be anyone who I would or even could love? "But then I think it's going to happen eventually, why not now? Why not marry him tonight, tomorrow, anytime before I leave? I know that I'm never going to love anyone as much as I love Edward, so why not make it official?" Did _I_ just hear right? She wouldn't mind marrying me? Before she leaves? After a few seconds of silence, Bella's voice rings out again…

"How am I this stupid? It's as clear as day. I couldn't imagine my life without Edward. It hurts to imagine a _day_ without seeing Edward at least once. Why couldn't I just say 'yes', nod, do _anything_ that doesn't make him question how much I love him?"

"It'll work out dear. Edward isn't questioning your love for him, he's probably just angry at himself," My mother knows me too well.

"At himself?"

"He probably thinks that he's moving too fast for you, and that he's forcing you to make a decision,"

"But he's not," I sob, "You don't know how to go back in time, do you?"

She smiles, "No, sorry dear. How about you go wash your face, I don't want you to cut yourself with watery eyes," I laugh to myself, knowing Bella; she would end up slicing her hand open. I decide to hide in the dining room while Bella goes into the bathroom.

I see Bella walk past and it takes all of my power not to run up to her and sweep her in my arms. I head to the kitchen to talk with my mother.

"Hello Edward," she says, "thankyou for enlightening me about your upcoming nuptials,"

"Clearly there are no upcoming nuptials,"

"Only if you don't do something about it,"

"So you wouldn't mind if I asked Bella to marry me?"

"Of course not dear, I already think of her as a daughter,"

"Would you mind if I married her before she left?"

"I think that's better than waiting for her to return,"

"Thank you so much mother, I love you," I say and hug her

"I love you too Edward, now head on out if you don't want Isabella to see you yet, the next time you see each other is going to be awkward until you decide on what and how you're going to do it," she smiles

I nod my head and wait in the dining room, watching Bella walk back into the kitchen. I decide to wait in the back house, playing the piano to clear my head. So, how do I propose to Bella? I can't play her her lullaby, or it'll just be a reminder of the first disaster. Oh no, do I have to ask Charles for permission? I guess that would be the right thing to do, but if I do, they wouldn't let us marry before they leave. I groan, why does there have to be a stupid flu? Why does she have to leave me? I flop down on my bed and continue to come up with ways to ask Bella to marry me. Perhaps the meadow? It is beautiful, and it is the place where we had our first date. No, it needs to be something special, something different…

"Edward it's time for dinner," I hear my mother's voice faintly.

I walk into the bathroom and wash my hands, mulling over the possibilities. Oh no, I have to get a ring for her. Oh wait I don't, I have to ask my father for my grandmother's ring that she decided to give to me, for when I found the lucky lady. I'll ask him when I decide how I'm going to propose to her, I conclude to myself mentally.

Tonight father decides to invite a colleague, John Willows, for dinner. I don't know whether to be thankful for the interruption so that dinner isn't an awkward affair, or resentful that Bella and I won't be able to talk with people present so that a fight doesn't ensue.

I kiss Bella's cheek when I see her but other than that I don't really pay attention at dinner; I'm too obsessed with deciding on where to propose. I tune in and out of the conversation until I hear a word that peaks my interest, 'theatre'.

"Yes, is there a play coming soon?" asks my mother

"Yes actually, Susan and I were going to go see Romeo and Juliet in two days, you should join us," And there are the words, Romeo and Juliet. I remember Bella saying how romantic it is to have the man of your dreams professing his love for you.

"That would be lovely," replies my father.

"Father, can I speak to you for a moment?" I ask from my chair. I look at my father intently to convey the urgency of this matter, while feeling Bella's eyes bore into me.

"Sorry, if you'll excuse us for only a moment," says father and ushers us upstairs to his office.

"That's fine, could I please use the bathroom?" I hear John ask faintly

We walk into the office and my father closes the door,

"What's wrong Edward?" he asks

"Have you talked to mother this afternoon?"

"She mentioned you asking Isabella to marry you,"

"Yes, well, firstly I would like to ask you whether you would mind if I did so…again?"

"No of course not, Isabella, is already like a daughter to me, you chose well son,"

"Thank you father," I smile, "The next thing I want to ask you is if I could have grandmother's rings that she left me?"

"Rings? Ahhh, you're going to get married before she leaves," he states

"Yes, there's no point in waiting for her to return, God knows when the flu is going to pass, and then when her father finishes his contract and then they have to decide if it's safe to come back here,"

"Does that mean you're not going to tell her parents?" he asks

"I'm not sure," I run my hands through my hair, "I would love to do this properly, a proper wedding, asking for permission, but that involves time that we don't have. I was thinking of going to get married and then when she returns we could re-marry, and do the whole thing properly, but it all depends on what Bella wants,"  
"Okay son, if you're happy then I'm happy. Why don't you ask Bella to marry you, and _when_ she says yes, ask her how she would like to proceed?"

"Thank you father, that sounds great,"

He heads over to the safe and withdraws the engagement ring held in the blue velvet box.

"I'll give you my parents wedding bands tomorrow," he says and hands it to me

I take it and place it in my pants pocket, and give my father a hug, "Thankyou"

"Congratulations son," he says

"I have to do something really quickly, so please excuse me for dinner, I shouldn't be too long," I say

"Okay Edward, I trust you, don't be long," he says

We both walk downstairs and I can feel my mouth pulled up into a huge smile. We walk downstairs and I put my coat on that is in the hallway. We enter the dining room and see that my mother and Bella are seated, waiting for us three men to return. My father takes his seat and I stand next to Bella. She looks up at me,

"I'll be back Bella. I love you," I say and kiss her cheek. I run out of the house before she asks me where I'm going, knowing that she won't be happy with my vague statement.

I run to the meadow as fast as I can. There are quite a few people on the streets; people coming home from work, others taking a night time stroll, some going home from dinner, making my trip to the meadow even harder, trying to dodge people. I finally get there, and curse myself in my haste for not taking a candle or a lighter, anything to help me see in the darkness. I decide to aimlessly pick whatever flowers I can see from the dim light coming from the moon. I take a whole heap of flowers and leave the meadow. I don't stop until the crowds of people surround me again. I stop at a bench and rearrange the flowers so they look the slightest bit decent. When I finish, I grab the bouquet by the stems and start walking back to the house, knowing that John would still probably be there, and I need Bella in the back house alone. Eventually I get to my house, and after about 20 minutes I see John leaving the house. I peer through the front windows and see Bella offering to clean up while my parents relax in the sitting room. After washing the dishes, Bella returns to where my parents are. She glances at the clock realising that I have been gone for quite a while, and I suddenly feel guilty. Hopefully, she's not angry when I propose; I don't think that not hearing 'yes' again would be helpful to my self-esteem.

"Isabella, maybe you should go to bed, it's late," says my father

"I really wanted to wait until Edward gets back, what's taking him so long?" she asks nervously

"I'm not sure dear. At least, start getting ready for bed. Read a book or something, I'm sure he will be here soon," says my mother, obviously aware of my intentions

"Okay, goodnight Elizabeth, goodnight Edward," says Bella and heads to the back house

I walk into the house after a few moments carrying the flowers.

"There you are, where have you been?" admonishes my mother

"Waiting outside for the past hour and ten minutes," I say

"You silly boy, now who are those nice bouquet of flowers for? Perhaps a certain young lady named Isabella?" she states smiling.

"Now's not the time to be joking, I'm nervous as hell," I say

"Don't worry son, there comes a time when every man is nervous and scared in his life. The first is asking a girl to marry you; the second is asking for her father's permission, the third is waiting at the end of the aisle for your future wife, and the last time is when you've done something wrong and you're in trouble with the wife,"

"Thanks father, that's very reassuring,"

"It's meant to be, you're only doing one of the four things tonight," he chuckles

"Okay, I'm getting this over and done with," I say

"No Edward," says my mother, "You're going to do this properly, 'not over and done with', do it romantically, like I know you have planned,"

"Yes mother," I smile, "Wish me luck,"

"You don't need it," they both say at the same time and they start laughing

I shake my head and smile at them before walking off and stalking quietly to the back house. I see Bella is taking her time to go to bed, it's clear she is waiting for me. She takes my mother's suggestion and pulls out Wuthering Heights and sits on the bed. I'm so mesmerised by her, how her lips mouth the words she's reading, how her hair gently falls down the nape of her neck, how she sits cross-legged in the centre of the bed. After a few minutes I realise that it's now or never and I throw a small pebble at the window. She looks up at the window, startled by the sudden noise, but after not seeing or hearing anything else she continues to read. I throw another pebble, hoping that this one will lead her to the window, and I'm right. She attempts to open the window and after a few moments she succeeds,

"Who's there?" she asks

BPOV

I was so involved in reading that when I heard a soft clink at the window I was startled. I looked over to the window but there was nothing there, so I decided to continue reading that is until I heard another clink. I put the book down and walk over to the window. After a few moments I manage to unstick the window and stick my head outside,

"Who's there?" I call

"The man of your dreams," I hear a velvet smooth voice say from the shadows

"Romeo?" I giggle

"Even better, the real thing,"

"I guess you'll suffice Edward," I tease

"These are for you," he says emerging from the shadows, with windblown hair, holding a large bouquet of flowers that he got from the meadow

"Thankyou kind sir," I blush and place the flowers on the bed behind me

"Bella," he says seriously, "I've already told you today how perfect you are, now I can only profess my undying love for you. Before you Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason, I was so wrapped up in going to war that I wasn't even looking at what I had right in front of me…And then you shoot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything is on fire; there is brilliancy, there is beauty. Bella, you make my life worth living, you make me want to be a better person. Bella, I love you with all my heart, for the rest of eternity," he says as he gets down on one knee, "will you marry me?"

I was speechless, I had tears running down my cheeks and this time I knew that I didn't imagine Edward asking to marry me, it was real. He was real, right in front of me. I didn't know how to get to him, so I decided to run out of the room, and out of the door, and fling myself onto him, which causes him to topple over

"Yes, yes, a million times yes," I say and kiss his face

"I love you Bella,"

"I love you too Edward,"

He sits us both up so that I'm sitting in his lap. He pulls out a dark box, and flips it open, taking out the ring and placing it on my finger.

"It's beautiful," I say staring at the ring.

"It was my grandmother's, she told me to give it to the girl of my dreams, and that, without a doubt, is you," he says and kisses me chastely on the lips.

"Let's get you inside before you catch a cold," he says and lifts us both up.

We walk into the bedroom, where I am staring at my hand. I can't believe it…I'm engaged. I have a _fiancé_.

"I'm going to get ready for bed," says Edward.

I nod, "I'll be here," I say, sitting on the bed, staring at my hand.

Oh no, I realise that Charlie and Renee don't know. When does he think we'll get married? I'd love to do it now, tomorrow, soon, before I leave, but that means…I can't tell Charlie and Renee, or else they'll make me wait until we come back to have a proper wedding, or worse, they won't give us their blessing because they'll think we'll have to wait…

"Are you ok love?" asks Edward, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I nod, "When do you want to get married?" I ask, which causes him to blush.

"Well…" he begins.

"Are you blushing?" I ask.

"I know, that's your job," he jabs, "I was going to ask you when you wanted to, I don't want to push you Bella,"

"Ok, I don't want you running for the hills, but I was thinking…sometime before I leave…?"

He smiles brightly back at me, "Exactly what I had in mind,"

"Really?"

"Of course," he says and kisses me.

"What about Charlie and Renee?"

"Well, I would have liked to do this properly and give you the wedding you deserve, but I can't wait that long for you to come back, I want you to know how much I love you…so, I was wondering if you would like to get married, and then when you return to me, for me to ask for your parents blessing and we can have a big, proper wedding with guests,"

"That sounds good, but I don't need a big wedding, as long as me and you are there, I'm happy," I smile.

He kisses me, "I love you Isabella Marie Swan"

"I love you too Edward Anthony Masen,"

"Now let's get to bed," he says and extinguishes the light, and wrapping his arms tightly around me.

**A/N: So did you guys like the chapter? Some of you guys might not like the idea of them getting married before she leaves especially because Bella has an aversion in the books to marriage, but I think that they're both head over heels in love not to want to stay connected in some way. Anywho, if anyone has any ideas, feel free to let me know. Please review, thanks…**


	8. Wedding Dress

**A/N: Hello everyone. Thank you all for your reviews. The chapter is coming from Matt Nathanson's song Wedding Dress. Read the author's note at the bottom please, but for now, enjoy…**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__He kisses me, "I love you Isabella Marie Swan"  
__"I love you too Edward Anthony Masen,"  
__"Now let's get to bed," he says and extinguishes the light, and wrapping his arms tightly around me._

I wake in the morning, missing the warmth that normally greets me nowadays. I twist my body to find an empty bed, but a folded note instead

_To the future Mrs. Masen,_

I smile and flip it open:

_Hopefully, I am back in your arms before you wake, I have just stepped out quickly. I'll be back before you have time to miss me._

_Eternally yours,_

_Edward_

I smile at his note, and put it in my case as I get my dress for the day. I dress slowly, still in disbelief that I'm actually going to get married to Edward one of these days. I head over to the house to see Elizabeth in the kitchen.

"Congratulations dear," she smiles and gives me a hug

"Thank you, it's so surreal, I can't believe it,"

"You both are perfect together, would you like some breakfast?"

"Yes thankyou," I say and look around the room.

"He left a while ago, so he should be home soon," she says

I blush at how much I miss him and I hadn't been away from him for more than 10 minutes.

Elizabeth and I talk about various things while I have breakfast. I pick up my plate and head over to the kitchen sink. I roll up the sleeves to my dress and pick up the plate to start scrubbing. I finish the last plate when I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and a chin rest on my shoulder.

"Good morning love," says Edward

"Good morning handsome," I say as he kisses my cheek, "where have you been?"

"That, my darling fiancée, is for me to know and you to find out," he says as he leans against the kitchen cabinet next to me.

"For me to find out huh?" I ask as I step close to him.

"Mmhmm," he says and nods his head, smiling my favourite crooked smile.

"Well," I say and trace my thumb ever so lightly on his cheek, "I guess..." I continue bringing my lips up to his ear, "I will…" tracing my lips, barely touching his jaw line, "have to…" bringing my lips to the edge of his mouth, "find out" I say as I ever so lightly touch my lips to his and then walk away, smiling as I turn so that he can't see it.

I take two steps, when I feel the legs from underneath me disappear. I yelp loudly while Edward only laughs at me. He has managed to swoop me up bridal style and carry me to the back house and places me on the couch in the piano room. He kisses me chastely and adds,

"That wasn't very nice, Bella,"

"You said that I had to find out, and I'm guessing that you're about to tell me…?"

He rolls his eyes and smiles crookedly at me. "I went to the church today,"

I sit up from my position, "and…?" I prompt him.

"Someone is eager," he says

I playfully slap his arm, "tell me," I whine

"Maybe I want to get you back for your kitchen stunt…"

Fine if that's how he wants to play it…

"Fine, don't tell me," I say as I lean away from him and stand to sit on the armchair crossing my arms across my chest, "No touching then," I smile smugly as his face drops. He stands to follow me, but I just shake my head, "unless you tell me right now, it seems someone won't be getting married…"

"I think you mean, _we_ won't be getting married, I'll just go find someone more willing…" He did not just say that.

"I wish you all the happiness with my replacement," I snap back and stalk out of the room. I can't help but smile knowing that I'd won another argument with Edward, but also genuinely annoyed that he could say something like that to me.

"Bella, wait," he says and grabs my wrist.

"Bella, please, it was only a joke," he says as he spins me to face him

"It wasn't very funny," I retort crossing my arms across my chest

"I'm sorry," he says as he stares me down, and I realise I'm about to give into him.

"No, it's fine, enjoy your wedding, I'm quite sure that I can find somebody to marry me too…" I smirk at him

"You can have anybody you want Bella, you know that. Maybe we're moving too quickly with this; if you're having second thoughts about the wedding, maybe it's better if we don't go through with it before it's too late," he sighs and runs a hand through his hand. I look back at him astonished; he thinks that I don't want to marry him. I grab his hand that's in his hair and yank it down, before pulling him by his arm towards me and crashing my lips on his.

"What happened to no touching?" he smiles after we pull back. Oh my God, he planned this!

"That wasn't very nice Edward, that was very unfair," I say disapprovingly

He pulls us both to the couch, where we sit facing each other with my hands cradled in his hands. He is looking at me with fierce intensity,

"Bella, I'm sorry for what I said, but you should know by now that _no one_ could ever take your place, I don't even see anyone because you're always on my mind. But Bella, I meant what I said, you can be with anyone you want, so choose now, would you be _my_ wife for the rest of eternity?" he asks.

"Edward, do you see what this is?" I ask gesturing to my left hand, "this is my answer, of course I'll be your wife, I want to live the rest of my life with you as your wife and the mother of your children," Oh God, did I say that last part out loud? Given the widen eyes that Edward is giving me, I'm guessing that's a yes.

I groan and bury my head in my hands knowing that I'm blushing like mad at the moment.

Edward tugs at my hands, but I keep them securely glued to my face,

"Bella," he groans, "Would you please look at me?"

I lift my head up, but keep my hands on my face, only separating my fingers so I can peak at Edward.

"Bella, I love you so much, and I can't wait to start a family with you," he says

"Really?"

"Of course, I can only imagine what our children will look like; my eyes and mouth, your hair, nose and stubbornness, laughing and running around in the garden,"

"That sounds great, but just so you know, that's not going to happen for another few years, I mean we're not even 18,"

"I know,"

"But that doesn't mean we can't practice soon…" I trail off

"Would you like to know about the wedding first?" he asks

I nod, "so you went to the church?"

"Yes, and I spoke to the minister, he said we can get married tomorrow night,"

"Really? We're getting married tomorrow?" I bounce in my seat

"If you want to,"

"Of course I want to, but tomorrow night? That means your parents won't be there,"

"I know, and I already told them, and they think it's only fair seeing as Renee and Charles won't be coming either," he smiles

"Well, they'll be there for the second one," I laugh

We spend the next few minutes kissing, while I'm trying to think of a way to bring up the topic of our wedding night. Edward pulls back noticing my preoccupation,

"What are you thinking about?" he asks

"Nothing really," I say chickening out. How on earth am I meant to say to my fiancé, so do you want to sleep with me tomorrow? I mean Edward and I hadn't even talked about it…

"Bella, as much as I'd like to, I can't read your mind, what's going on?"

"Well, I was just thinking about tomorrow night," I say

"About the wedding?"

"More like _after_ the wedding…" I say

And thankfully Edward is clever and knows what I'm talking about straightaway, "Ahhh, you're talking about our wedding night?"

I blush and nod.

"Well, what about it?" he asks casually, giving no indication of what he wants to happen, probably wanting to know my feelings on the subject first.

"Well, fine Edward, are you going to sleep with me tomorrow night after the wedding?"

"I don't know why I wouldn't, I have been the past couple of nights," he says with a twinkle in his eyes

I groan and slap his arm, "Edward, I will hurt you very badly if you don't answer my question,"

"I don't know Bella," he says and runs a hand through his hair

"What do you mean, you don't _know_?"

"I don't know if I can,"

"You don't know if you can? What on earth does that mean?"

"It means that I can never imagine hurting you, or even bear to _think_ of you being hurt…"

"Edward, it's going to happen sooner or later…"

"What do _you_ want Bella?" he asks looking at me intently

"I want to have a proper wedding night," I say confidently

"We're not even having a proper wedding," he states

"And what would you classify as _proper_?" I snap, "Having a tonne of people there that our parents invite that don't even know us. I told you, to me, all I need is for _you_ to be there,"

"I'm sorry, I just feel like you deserve more than to have a quick wedding alone in a church at night,"

"Edward, I don't care where we get married, but I _want_ to be Mrs. Edward Anthony Masen, and that's all that matters. At least let us try, that's all I'm asking for,"

"Okay," he says after a slight pause

"Okay?"

"Okay, we can do it your way, but you have to tell me if I hurt you or if you don't want to,"

"Edward, considering that I'm the one pushing the topic, it seems out of the two of us, you're less eager than me,"

"Less eager?" he asks, "Bella, there is nothing more that I want than to have you mine in all possible senses of the word, but not if it's at your expense. Bella, trust me, I want this too. Do you know how hard it is to sleep next to you in a bed when you're pushed up against me? I have to control myself not to start ravishing you with kisses. And it's not only when we're sleeping next to each other, it's every time I see you, I have to fight to keep my hands off you,"

"Then don't," I say and push my lips to his. Edward doesn't miss a beat and grabs my face in his hands, pushing me down on the couch, so that he is hovering over me. We kiss deeply as his hand roams my body, up and down my legs, and I run my hands against his chest, and decide to take it a step further. I start unbuttoning his shirt, I manage to undo the buttons, and Edward shrugs out of the shirt and I marvel at his perfect body. I run my hands over his abs and his pecs, then wrap my hands around his back bringing him closer to me, while Edward's hand rests firmly on my hip, while the other hand is propped on his elbow, so that his weight isn't resting on me, cupping my face. Edward realises that I need to take a breath, so he moves his lips down my neck; trailing butterfly kisses up to the sensitive spot below my ear, where he starts sucking. I moan at the sensation, and my head reflexively lulls back, facing the ceiling. After a few more moments, I bring his lips back to mine, and forgetting that we are on a couch I roll us over, resulting in us toppling onto the floor.

"Ow," I exclaim

"Are you ok?" he asks helping me up

I start laughing at his expression and at the situation. It's _my_ fault that we're on the floor and it was _Edward_ who landed on the floor, and he's asking me whether _I'm_ ok.

"I think that I should be asking you that question," I blush, "I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"I'm good, actually more than good," he grins, which causes me to blush even further.

"So beautiful," he says as he strokes my redden cheeks.

I bend down and pick up his shirt that I so eagerly discarded.

"I think this is yours," I say holding the collar of his shirt on my index finger.

"Thankyou beautiful," he says as he kisses my cheek and puts his arms into the sleeves of his shirt.

"Let me help you," I say as I stop his hands from buttoning up his shirt. I look down at the buttons and start at the bottom, slowly buttoning my way up. I get to the last button and do it up, and then lift my head to face Edward.

"Thank you," he kisses me chastely.

I turn my head to the side and rest my ear to his chest, where his heart is beating. Edward wraps his arms around my body and kisses my head before resting his cheek to my head.

We stand there for a few moments when I decide that I want to hear my song again.

"Will you play my song for me?" I ask

"Do you remember what happened the last time I played it for you?"

"Yes, you asked me to marry you, I'll never forget this song,"

"As long as I don't forget you, I won't forget the song," he says and leads us to the bench.

As soon as I'm seated, Edward's fingers begin the beautiful melody. I close my eyes and think of the past few months with Edward, not believing that I'll be his _wife_ tomorrow or that I'm leaving soon. I try and forget about that and focus on the good things as the song changes to Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy.

"I adore this song," I say

Edward looks at me and smiles, "I know,"

"How?"

"It was the song we danced to at the ball and I heard you humming it the other day,"

I look at him astounded at how he managed to remember that, but then again, I remember every detail about Edward. I smile brightly at him,

"Thank you," I whisper

After a few songs I decide to get the heavy burden of my departure off my chest.

"I know I said I didn't want to wallow in my departure, but I think we should talk about it," I say and Edward instantly stops playing the piano. I smile sheepishly at him.

"Okay," he says and strokes my hair and looks at me, letting me gather my thoughts.

"I want you to write to me," I state simply

"I can do that," he smiles

"And I want to hear your voice at least once a week,"

"That can also be arranged," he smiles, "anything else?"

"I think that's all,"

"Bella, you'll be back before you know it,"

"I know…wait for me?"

"There's no question to it, you will be my wife after all," he says and I beam brightly back at him, "Let's go have some lunch,"

Edward and I eat some lunches, while Elizabeth is upstairs.

"Isabella?" I hear her call for me

I look to Edward for some assistance but he just shrugs,

"She wants you to go upstairs," he states

"Yes?" I say walking out into the hallway

"Could you come up to the second room on the left upstairs?"

I start walking up the stairs but realise that Edward isn't following me, "Are you coming?" I chuckle

"She only wants you up there," he says. I look at him in disbelief at how he could know that.

"Sorry, not all of us are mind-readers," I smile and kiss his cheek

"Must not be a good one if I never know what you're thinking," he smiles

"That's not something wrong with you, that's something with me," I laugh

He kisses me chastely, "I'll be in the salon playing the piano,"

I walk into the room to see Elizabeth sitting at a desk.

"Come sit next to me," she says while gesturing to an extra chair.

I sit down confused, wondering what's going on.

"I just wanted to know what you were planning on wearing to your wedding?" she asks

"Ummm…to tell you the truth I hadn't given much thought to it. Maybe one of my dresses," I say slowly

"Well, I thought that was the answer, and I took it upon myself to get you a proper wedding dress,"

I look at her dumfounded, "You didn't have to such extreme lengths,"

"Nonsense, you will be my daughter tomorrow and you deserve to be dressed appropriately, it is after all your _wedding_, proper or not, you're marrying Edward," she says, "And I'm sure this would surprise _and_ please him. You don't know how upset he is that he can't give you a big fanfare,"

"I don't need a big fanfare, but I think the dress is a good idea though,"

"Perfect," she says and claps her hand once, "Well, I've already made the dress, and before you say you didn't have to, I did, because I know you have an aversion to money being spent on you, and because I could tailor this myself to be a small wedding dress, not a huge monstrosity that weighs 50 kg," she says and we both laugh.

"Thankyou, that's helpful in the subtly department," I say

"So stand up," she says and I follow her instructions as she goes to the other side of the room to the closet and pulls out a beautiful white dress. It's double-layered Queen Anne, A-line dress just below knee height, with the top layer being made out of lace. It's nothing over the top and for that reason it's absolutely perfect.

"Oh my gosh, I love it," I say

"Really?" she asks

"Of course, now let's just hope it fits," I say

For the next twenty minutes, Elizabeth works around me, making slight alterations to the dress that otherwise fits perfectly, while I stand there listening to the faint notes coming from Edward's piano.

"Ok, I'm going to make these changes," she says, "I'll be downstairs shortly,"

I hug her, "thankyou so much, not just for the dress, but for being so understanding, you really are a great mother," I smile

"Thankyou dear, that means a lot to me," she says

I make my way down the stairs and walk towards the salon. I lean against the doorframe just watching Edward play. He's absolutely handsome, playing with both intensity and ease, and with such passion. All of a sudden the my song starts to play, and I realise that Edward knows I'm here, so I go to stand behind him, resting my hands on his shoulder.

"Hello love," he says and looks up at me

I bend down and kiss him, "Hello to you too,"

"So what did my mother want?" he asks, still playing the piano

"Nothing special,"

"Is this one of those, it's for me to know and you to find out things?"

"No, it's one of those, leave it alone, you'll find out in good time things," I retort as he laughs

"Ahhh, that's one of the things I love about you, you have no problem with putting me in my place," he says and I laugh and roll my eyes

Edward stops playing and spins to face me, "Seriously, what did she want?"

I smirk, "Someone likes to know everything," and he just shrugs, "oh, and I'm not telling you,"

He pouts, "Why not?"

"Because if your mother wanted you to know, she would have invited you to join us as well, and furthermore, because I don't want you to know,"

"I bet I can get you to tell me,"

"I don't think you would,"

"And why is that?"

"Because, you'll have a very angry fiancée on your hands,"

"I can handle you," he says as I raise my eyebrows.

"Just let me surprise _you_ for a change,"

"I seem to be losing a lot of arguments to you lately,' he comments

"You sure you still want to marry me? You'll be losing a lot arguments in the future,"

"Bella, I would gladly be wrong for the rest of my life if it meant having you by my side," he says and at that my knees go weak.

"I love you," I say

"I love you too," he replies and we just stand there, with his ear against my heart and my head resting on his.

We hear Elizabeth coming down the stairs and I try to make my over to her, but Edward grabs my waist from behind. I look at him inquisitively,

"Where are you going?" he asks and I laugh

"I'm going to help your mother so that we have a meal to eat tonight,"

"Oh," he says and I take this as my cue to leave, but Edward has other plans,

"I'll help," he says and I look at him as if he's crazy

"You'll help?"

"Yes, let's go," he says and takes my hand, pulling me into the kitchen

"We have an extra pair of hands helping us out today," I state as we enter the kitchen

Elizabeth looks at Edward and chuckles, "Maybe another time Edward,"

"It won't be like that this time," says Edward, "Just let me help,"

"What happened last time?" I ask curiously

"Well—" begins Elizabeth

"Nothing. Nothing happened," says Edward quickly, effectively cutting his mother off

"Maybe this time will be better," says Elizabeth thoughtfully

I look at Edward, who is smiling smugly,

"I mean, this time both Isabella and I can make sure that Edward is adding the right ingredients,"

"_Mother_," shouts Edward

"Edward, be nice to your mother," I scold

"Sorry," he apologizes, which causes Elizabeth and I to laugh

"So, will someone enlighten me as to what happened last time? I would like to be healthy for my wedding," I state

"It was nothing, I was looking at the wrong recipe," states Edward vaguely

"…Which meant that he added sugar and egg to a stew," says Elizabeth, causing her to start laughing, which sets us both off

I hug Edward comfortingly, "Good thing I know how to cook," I say

"Fine, I'll just stand here and watch," he concludes

For the next hour, the three of us laugh as I listen to stories of when Edward was younger.

"Edward, why don't you set the table, it's one area in domestic duties where you excel better than me,"

"Yes, we don't want the young bride with cuts and gashes from tripping and landing on broken plates and glasses,"

We laugh, "I just hope that I have a better sense of equilibrium in my next life, or at least something to protect me from danger,"

"I told you," says Edward, "you have me,"

"So, as you both know, Elizabeth and I are going to the theatre tomorrow, and then afterwards to John and Susan's place for some cocktails. Now, we have no problem with driving you both to the church, and we have organised for a private car to take you back here," says Edward Snr when we sit down for dinner.

"Wow, that's fantastic, thankyou," I say

"Even though it's not the centre church, I think it's a much better idea than for high society gossips to spread a rumour that you two are married," adds Elizabeth

"Thank you," says Edward

"Now, your mother tells me you've composed a new song, would you like to play it for us?" asks Edward Snr.

We make our way to the sitting room, where Edward positions himself on the bench and beckons me over to him. I take a seat and Edward begins to play my lullaby. Halfway through the song, a loud click sounds itself through the living room. I look away from Edward's gaze to see his father behind a camera smiling brightly.

"Elizabeth, why don't you come in the next picture with us?" I say

The next few minutes were spent taking different photos, until Elizabeth and I decided we should clean up from dinner.

"Don't think that we won't take photos tomorrow in your lovely wedding dress," she whispers, "Oh, and Edward worked on a case for the developers, so we can manage to give you a copy of the photos before you leave," she states

"Thankyou so much," I say, "That means the world to me,"

We finish cleaning up before everyone decides to retire to bed.

"So, my dear, are you ready to be Mrs. Masen tomorrow?" asks Edward when we get into bed

"Of course I am," I say, "Are you ready?"

"More than ever,"

**A/N: Ok, so the lovebirds are getting married. For the record (and to any anonymous reviewers who I can't reply to) I have their separation already planned out and I think that many of you will be happy with how it turns out but i'm really greatful for the suggestions...keep it up****. **Now, some of you want her to become pregnant…so vote on the poll as to whether she should or not…or leave me a comment/review. I wasn't planning to make her pregnant because it makes it really complicated I think, but I'd love to know what you guys think.** Anywho, any one have any requests as to what they want happen, feel free to review…**


	9. Goodbye my lover

**A/N: Ok people first of all WOW!! Thank you all so much for all your reviews, they make me so giddy to read them and thank you all for your suggestions and desires as to what happens next. With regard to Bella's pregnancy…well you're going to have to wait and see what happens (it's not this chapter). Anywho, the title chapter is from none other than James Blunt's song Goodbye my lover…it just seemed so fitting. Anywho, I'll let you get on with the story…**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__We finish cleaning up before everyone decides to retire to bed.  
_"_So, my dear, are you ready to be Mrs. Masen tomorrow?" asks Edward when we get into bed  
_"_Of course I am," I say, "Are you ready?"  
_"_More than ever,"_

The next morning I wake up to see Edward sleeping so peacefully, so I write him a note for when he wakes up. I slip out of bed and change into today's dress, and pinning up my hair before leaving for the main house.

Elizabeth is in the sitting room reading a book when I walk in.

"Elizabeth?" I say

"Yes dear," she says putting down her book

"Well, I was thinking after breakfast and after Edward has woken up whether you'd take me to the jeweller's?"

"Of course, but what for?"

"Well, it's not very clever to wear our rings in public, so I was thinking of getting Edward and I some chains that we hang them on,"

"That is an excellent idea," she says, "And after breakfast, we can have another dress fitting,"

"Sounds like a plan," I say and clap my hands

I head to the dining room and as I finish eating breakfast, Edward walks in.

"There you are," he says and hugs my waist, "you don't know how odd it was waking up without you in my arms,"

"Sorry, you just looked so peaceful, I couldn't wake you up. I'm surprised actually; I had to pry your hands off me, I thought you'd definitely wake up,"

He smiles sheepishly. I put my plate in the kitchen and head for the stairs.

"Where are you going?" asks Edward

"It's a surprise," I grin

"Again?" he groans

I nod, "You'll be very, very happy and thankful later that I didn't tell you," I say and start making my way up the stairs again.

After trying the dress on again, it was perfect.

"You really did a wonderful job Elizabeth," I say

"Thankyou, now how about we get ready so that we can go to the jeweller's?"

"Sounds good. Could you give Edward an excuse? I'm very bad at lying," I say

She laughs and nods her head.

We make our way downstairs again, and Elizabeth and I put on our shoes and shawls when Edward walks in.

"Are we going somewhere?" he asks

"We are, you're not," I say

He quirks an eyebrow, when Elizabeth interjects

"We have to run some errands, we'll be back in a couple of hours," she says

"I'll see you soon," I say and kiss his cheek before flying out the door, knowing he wouldn't be satisfied with our responses.

After finding chains for both Edward and I, Elizabeth and I went to the store to get some food for dinner this week.

When I step into the door, I call out to Edward,

"We're back,"

A second later Edward comes in from the sitting room and encasing me in a hug,

"I missed you," he says, "did you get all your errands done?"

I smile, "yes, all done,"

"You know that I know that you didn't go out for errands," he says

"Yes we did, look food," I say unconvincingly pointing at the bag in my hand

He nods his head condescendingly, "yes…food,"

"Fine," I say, "You have another surprise,"

"Another one?" he asks "That's a lot for someone who hates surprises,"

"Yes, but nothing stops you. Now do you see how much I hate surprise?"

He shrugs, "No, it doesn't bother me,"

"Sure it doesn't,"

"Ok, I admit I like to know everything that's going on and what everyone is thinking, but unlike some people," he says looking at me pointedly, "I'm not going to hassle you,"

I laugh, "Well it's a good thing you're patient then"

After a quick late lunch, Edward and I lay next to each other, each reading a book, until Elizabeth walks in telling me that it's time for me to get ready. I grab everything I need from the back house and make my way upstairs.

After about an hour and a half of having my hair picked up into a loose bun, my dress ready and some make-up, I'm ready. Elizabeth makes her way downstairs to make sure that both Edward's are ready to leave and waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

"Okay Isabella, we're ready for you," she calls out

I take a deep breath, hoping that I won't trip on my shoes or down the stairs. I stand up and walk over to the door. I get to the banister, only looking down until I get to the third last step, where I glance to see Edward staring at me with eyes wide open.

"You look…" he stutters, "Wow, just absolutely beautiful," he says and holds out his hand, which I take.

"You look very nice dear," says Edward Snr.

"Thank you," I blush

"She truly is the blushing bride," smiles Elizabeth, which causes us to laugh

"Ok, we need to leave soon, so how about we go into the garden. It's perfect, dusk and the flowers will look fantastic," says Edward Snr.

Edward leads us outside, "Is this the surprise?" he asks

I nod my head.

"I'm glad you didn't tell me, I could not have envisioned you any more perfect," he says and kisses my cheek

We take a few photos, a couple of Edward and I and also Edward with his parents, and also me with Elizabeth and another with Elizabeth and Edward Snr.

"Shall we?" asks Edward, extending my coat out for me

"Yes,"

We drive to the secluded church, where we say our goodbyes and thankyou's to Edward's parents.

"Are you ready?" he asks as we reach the doors of the church

"More than ever," I say mimicking his words from last night

The minister is a dainty, grey haired old man that looks very kind and sincere.

"Good evening," he says

"Good evening," Edward and I say

"Let's get started. It's fantastic to see such young, true love in such terrible times," he states

We follow the traditional wedding process, and it is only until I have to croak out "I do," that I realise I have a few tears in my eyes. Edward smiles and wipes my tear away with his thumb, while announcing his "I do,"

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride," says the priest and Edward and I kiss, sealing our love.

"Congratulations," says the priest to the both of us, "it's been a long time that I've married a couple so in love,"

"Good night," I say, "and thank you very much,"

"It was no trouble dear, I wish you both a happy marriage,"

We leave the church and I start giggling.

"What's going in that mind of yours now?" asks Edward

"We're married," I smile, leading Edward to lift me up. I bend my legs behind me, holding my arms around his neck as he spins me around.

I kiss him, keeping my arms around his neck, as his arms hold my waist.

We stand there for a few minutes, before realising that the car should be arriving shortly.

Back at the house, Edward and I walk along the side of the house to the backhouse. When we reach the door, Edward picks me up, carrying me across the threshold.

"Mrs. Masen," he states with a kiss on my forehead, laying me down on the bed.

"Are we crazy?" I ask

Edward laughs, "Probably, how many other 17 year olds do you know that are married?"

I laugh and kiss him again, with the heat slowly building. I take off Edward's jacket and then his vest.

"Did you have to wear so many layers?" I ask between kisses as I start to unbutton his shirt, earning a chuckle from Edward

I manage to take his shirt off and start unbuckling his belt, effectively pulling down his pants. Edward's hands travel to the hem of my dress and he pulls back to look at me.

"Are you sure?" he asks

"Yes," I say and kiss him.

"I love you," he whispers

"I love you too,"

The next morning I wake up, tangled in the sheets, feeling Edward lying next to me. Oh my God, it was real…I'm married. Edward and I slept with each other…oh my gosh. I turn my head to see Edward propped on his elbow looking at me intensely.

"Good morning," he says softly

"Hi," I grin and Edward's infamous crooked smile graces his face.

"How are you?" he asks

"Very good?" I say stating it as a question, earning a chuckle from Edward, "And you?"

He smiles, "I'm very good, Mrs. Masen,"

"Oh my God, we're married," I voice out loud, and I squeal, kissing Edward.

"No regrets?"

"None," I smile

We get dressed and make our way for breakfast. Elizabeth congratulates us both, but leaves shortly after, stating that she actually has errands to run today.

"How about we go to the meadow today? It's a beautiful day," says Edward.

The next two days are spent with Edward and I in the meadow, talking, laughing and reading books. We walk home in silence, knowing that tonight is going to be the last time we'll be together as my parents are coming for me tomorrow.

After dinner, Edward Snr. leads us to the sitting room where he has a surprise for us. After a few short minutes, Edward Snr. and Elizabeth enter the sitting room. "We have a wedding present for the two of you," says Edward Snr. as he hands us both a box. I look inside to see the photos from the wedding and the day before the wedding in the book.

"We thought it'd be a good reminder for you both while Isabella was away, and the box could be used to hold the letters you send to each other," says Elizabeth

"Thank you so much, it's perfect," I say as I hug them both tightly, "Thank you; for accepting me, for giving us your blessing, for your love, for everything,"

"It's our pleasure," they say

We say goodnight to each other, as Edward and I walk back to your room. I place the box in my case, hidden by my clothes so my parents wouldn't see it. I get ready in the room, as Edward is in the bathroom.

I sit on the bed looking down at my fingers twirling both my engagement and wedding ring. Edward walks into the room, grabbing my hand and kissing each of my fingers and lastly my wedding finger.

I jump off the bed, "Would you like your surprise now?" I ask

He sits on the bed and nods his head. I walk over to my case to get the small jeweller's bag from my case. I hand him one of the bags.

"Open it," I say as he follows my instructions.

He opens it to find a gold and silver chain.

"I figured that we couldn't exactly wear our rings on our fingers, so I got us both matching gold and silver chains for the rings, so we could always be wearing them one way or another," I explain

He cuts me off with a kiss, "It's perfect, why didn't I think of that? I don't think your parents would approve if they saw you tomorrow with a wedding or even an engagement ring," he laughs

"We'll put them on tomorrow, I want one more night of being Mrs. Masen without hiding it from anyone," I say

"Your wish is my command," says Edward as he places the bags on the bedside table and starts kissing me.

The next morning I wake up before Edward. I lay in bed looking at him, but unlike all the other mornings, he doesn't seem peaceful. It seems that even his subconscious knows that today isn't going to be a good day. I run my fingers through his hair and stroke his cheek, gently waking him up, but he barely stirs, so I decide to kiss him instead. I place a kiss on his cheek first, then his nose, and then lightly placing a kiss on his lips, which I return more passionately when I realise that Edward is awake.

"Mmmm…that's a very nice way to wake up," he says

"I have to get ready," I say, "my parents will be here shortly,"

"Don't say that," he says looking very sad

I kiss him once more before flipping the sheets off, but Edward just grabs my waist and pulls me back into bed.

"Don't tell me that you wouldn't rather be here?" he says trailing kisses up and down my neck

I moan at the sensation and at the feelings Edward can stir up in me with the simplest of touches.

"Ok, I really need to get up," I say later on, trying to flatten my even more dishevelled hair.

"Bella, love, you're going to put your hair up anyway," he comments while I glare at him, getting off the bed

We both get dressed and as soon as I pack my case, I sit on the bed waiting for Edward to come back from the bathroom.

"Can you put it on?" I ask gesturing to the chain in my hand, already holding the two rings.

"Sure," he says as he puts it on me. "My turn,"

He spins around so that I can put it on him.

"It feels wrong taking off my ring, and it's only been there for a few days," he comments

"I know what you mean, my finger feels bear without them," I say

He laces his fingers with mine, guiding me out of his small house, while carrying my case in his other hand.

Being a Saturday, Edward Snr is still at home, so we decide to have breakfast together. It's a quiet affair, and there is little conversation. Just as we have finished, the doorbell rings, and I can feel Edward's hand grip mine tighter, as we both stand up to greet my parents in the foyer. I smile at him reassuringly, but I'm sure it comes out as a grimace.

"Mother, father," I say, giving them a hug.

"Oh, Isabella, I've missed you so much. You're going to love the house, and I've already made friends with the ladies in the social groups, so you'll have friends in no time," says Renee as I turn to grimace at Edward, who only smiles weakly at me.

"It's nice to see you again Mr and Mrs. Swan," says Edward, greeting both my parents in a traditional and formal manner.

Both my parents smile warmly at Edward and return his greetings.

"How about a drink before you leave?" asks Edward Snr

"Yes, we can have some tea and you can tell me about the house," adds Elizabeth

They lead us to the salon and I throw them both a thankful smile for biding my time with Edward

After about ten minutes I'm already sick of the talk about our "new home" and how great it is. Sure it is. I don't even understand how well my parents are getting along; they must have already found 'others' to occupy themselves with. My hand drifts to the side of my neck and I feel the chain that's holding two of my most prized possessions. I tap Edward's foot to get his attention. He looks up to me and I nod my head in the direction of his house. Two seconds later Edward gently stands up,

"Excuse me. Bella, I forgot that I have your Romeo and Juliet book to return to you, I _think_ it's in the piano room,"

I stand up, "Allow me to help you," I say politely, "May I please be excused?" I ask looking at Elizabeth

She grins slightly, "Of course dear,"

Edward and I make our way over to the back house and as soon as the door is closed I crash my lips to Edward's. After a few moments we pull back gasping for air.

"I'm going to miss these spontaneous attacks," he smiles crookedly

"Me too," I grin

"Now, I think I left the book in my bedroom," he says

"Is that an invitation?" I ask

"Get your mind out of the brothel Mrs. Masen, we don't have enough time for that, I thought this morning was good," he says teasingly

"This morning was great, it's not my fault my husband is so handsome that I feel the need to ravish him constantly," I smile back

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes, while leading me to his room.

"You know that you don't have to return me the book," I say, "you can keep it until I see you again,"

"I know," he says and makes his way over to the desk while I sit on his bed.

"You're very helpful," he laughs, leaning over the desk

"What are you doing?" I ask looking at him

"I'm writing something in the inside cover of your book,"

"Why, Mr Masen, are you writing me a love note?"

"Why, my darling wife, you'll find out when you read it _on the train_," he says as he turns his face to wink at me, before resuming his writing.

I fold my arms across my chest and pout, when Edward adds, "I know you've crossed your arms and you are pouting so that I tell you, but truly, you'll be grateful that I didn't spoil the surprise," without turning to face me. My mouth drops, how on Earth did he know that?

"I know that's what you're doing because I know _you_," he adds

"I thought we decided that I have a weird mental glitch and that you can't read my mind," I add causing him to chuckle.

He leaves the book open on the desk and makes his way over to me,

"Can I steal some extra kisses while the ink dries?" he asks

"Hmmm…" I say placing a finger to my chin, with Edward's lips meeting mine not a half second later.

I lean back, raising my eyebrows at him.

"I told you that I was going to steal some kisses," he says as I start laughing

A few moments later, Edward pulls back and heads over to the desk. He comes back and holds out the book to me. I go to grab it, but he doesn't release his hold on it. I look up at Edward,

"Now, my darling wife, promise me that you'll read it at least when you're on the train, and away from prying eyes," he says

I giggle and say, "I promise you, my darling husband" and kiss him chastely.

"Now, let's get back before they think I have kidnapped you," he says

"Can you do that?" I ask

"Maybe another time," laughs Edward and we make our way back into the house. I give him one last kiss outside the back door and then we walk in, with my hands both holding onto the book and Edward trailing a few steps behind me.

"We found it," I announce as we enter the salon

"Perfect timing, we were just about to call you, it's time for us to go, the train is leaving soon and we need to get the rest of our belongings," adds my mother

The six of us walk into the hallway and my parents say goodbye to Edward and his family. I take my time, first saying hugging Edward Snr. and then Elizabeth, thanking them for _everything_ that they've done for me and for allowing me to stay in their home.

"Nonsense dear, you are welcome here anytime," adds Elizabeth

Taking into account that my parents are mere metres away, I manage to give Edward a longer than necessary kiss on the cheek, and I whisper into his ear,

"Goodbye Edward, I love you forever,"

I pull back and realise I've already started to cry. Edward wipes my tears with his thumb and then raises my left hand to his lips, kissing purposefully my wedding finger.

I smile at him, as he whispers, "I love you too. Forever Bella Masen," and then adds a little louder, "have a safe trip and we'll talk soon,"

I start trailing slowly behind Renee and Charlie, after a few metres I turn back to see Edward standing there. I blow him a kiss and mouth "I love you," and he mouths back "I love you too." I turn around again and I start to cry. I can't believe that I'm not going to see him again for a couple of months. I clutch my book tightly to my chest, so eager to read what he wrote me, but I promised…

After packing up some more things from the house, the cab is full of several suitcases. The cab takes us to the train station, which is quite busy. All the suitcases are given to the conductor to put in the last carriage.

"Wait," I say and take my case, "this is staying with me,"  
"Isabella—"

"Please, it's not the big…"

"Ok," relents Charlie and I take the suit case and put it on the rungs in our carriage.

Charlie and Renee fall asleep moments after the train departs because they'd be travelling all night to get here, so I let the tears fall. I pull my chain out from under my dress and finger my rings. I can't believe I'm married…to Edward. Edward. Oh, the note. I jump up and grab _Romeo and Juliet_ and gingerly open up the front cover. I start to read the note written in Edward's beautiful handwriting:

_To my darling wife,  
__  
I love you more with each passing day. Although you're gone right now, I know that we will be together soon. __Expectans semper te expectabo. (Waiting, I will wait for you forever). I cannot wait until you return to me, to have you in my arms, waking up with you, laughing with you, just being with you, but for now, keep my heart safe, I've left it with you.  
__  
Eternally yours,  
__Edward_

By the end, tears are streaming down my face. I close the inside cover and hug the book close to my chest, crying myself to sleep.

**A/N: Well there you have it, Bella and Edward separated. Heads up, because Bella is meant to be separated from Edward for like 2 months (give or take), I don't want to drag that out and go through what they do while they are apart, so it's only going to be next chapter. Anywho…the vampirism is coming very, very soon—so I hope you guys like my idea for the next chapter and how the upcoming permanent separation plays out. Anywho, again, you'll find out about the final say on whether Edward and Bella will have a little one running around. Again, if you want something to happen in the future or have a suggestion for me, feel free to tell me! Thanks for reading and please review. Until next time…**


	10. Home

**A/N: Ok everyone, sorry for the delayed update, but here is the next chapter. I hope you all like it. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, keep it up (almost at 100…wow!) Anywho, the chapter name is from the song Michael Buble- Home. Ok, read the author's note at the bottom for important information. Ok, on with the story…**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__I jump up and grab Romeo and Juliet and gingerly open up the front cover. I start to read the note written in Edward's beautiful handwriting:  
__To my darling wife,  
__I love you more with each passing day. Although you're gone right now, I know that we will be together soon.  
__Expectans semper te expectabo. (Waiting, I will wait for you forever).  
I cannot wait until you return to me, to have you in my arms, waking up with you, laughing with you, just being with you, but for now, keep my heart safe, I've left it with you.  
__Eternally yours,  
__Edward  
__By the end, tears are streaming down my face. I close the inside cover and hug the book close to my chest, crying myself to sleep._

It had been two weeks since I had arrived in Cincinnati, and it was horrible. The only thing that could have made this place better was if my husband was here, but no Edward was still in Chicago. Getting his letter has been the highlight of my time here, and his phone call…I almost started crying when I heard his voice. So here I am about to reply to his latest letter. No matter how romantic I try to sound, I can't match Edward's beautiful flow of words where he makes me feel like the most loved person in the world.

_5th October, 1918_

_Dear Edward,_

_It's officially been two weeks since I have left you and I can't believe that I manage to miss you even more every day. I read all of your notes over and over again making sure that I didn't imagine you and that everything was real, but then again, it would be hard to believe that the amount of love I have for you could have been imagined. Every time I get a chance, I wear my rings in private; somehow it makes me feel whole, like you're right beside me._

_I don't know how I'm going to survive another month or so of this, I already miss you so much and there's nothing to do here._

_It can get so boring without you, I can't even remember what I did before I met you. Renee still takes me go to her high society luncheons. For such a small place, Cincinnati has a lot of gossips that would do anything for some attention, so as you can imagine Renee fits in perfectly._

_How is everything with you? How are Elizabeth and Edward? Send them my love and let them know that I'm thinking of them._

_Your letter only arrived today, but I have decided to reply straightaway, so that I can put you out of your misery. Other than my boredom, I'm all right. I'm actually taking the time to learn Latin; I'm still nowhere near as good as you, but I'm slowly progressing._

_I must go now; the post is leaving shortly so I have to finish up._

_Remember that I love you with all my heart._

_Semper vestra_

_Your Bella_

* * *

_13th October, 1918_

_Dear Bella,_

_How right you are. The days seem so lonely without you and it feels like you've taken a piece of my heart with you. I've gone back to school, but unfortunately there is even less students this year, the flu has already taken many victims and there is talk that school will be shut down permanently. My family and I are all doing well. My parents miss you terribly too, they send their love._

_I am so proud that you are learning Latin and that you have something to do with your time. Knowing you, I'm sure you're going over the grammar in your mind while you're at those ghastly luncheons. I can only be thankful that I was born a man and that I am exempt from them. Mother only goes because it helps father and his business, but you two are much the same when it comes to social expectations, as was evident when she helped us wed. I cannot believe that I am the man that has the privilege to call you my wife. I must admit that I am envious of you, however, because you were the one to leave; now everywhere I go I am reminded of when you were here. You too seem almost dream-like, looking at the pictures of you, I feel like you're some kind of angel that has gone back to heaven. I sometimes walk past the church or go to meadow, trying to feel closer to you. I cannot believe that I managed to live a life before I met you, now looking back it seems empty and meaningless. I love you more with each passing day and I can only pray that you return to me soon._

_Semper vester_

_Edward_

* * *

_21st October, 1918_

_To my dearest husband,_

_I am well, I'm settling into the life here in Cincinnati, but it's not as good as if you were here…then again, nothing is as good without you. I miss you so much. Don't be envious of me because I left, you have the reminders of the meadow, the church, your house, your room; you have proof that it was real. I've always thought of you as God-like, and knowing you, you will probably be shaking your head and laughing, but it's true, since the first time I saw you, I thought you were perfect and I still do. It is me that is honoured to call you my husband…don't fight me on this one Edward, I am right._

_Please Edward I am begging you, please take care. The last thing I need is for you to fall ill to that horrible flu. Before you start to worry, there has been no news of it here, so I am safe. Extend my prays of health to your parents, and don't be foolish, I need you to be there when I return…all of you._

_Charlie is still working, but there has been no news of how long we will be here for. All is going to plan, so it's probably only another six weeks…well here's hoping._

_In aeternum_

_Bella_

* * *

_28th October, 1918_

_To my Bella,_

_I am so happy to hear that you are safe and well and that the influenza hasn't made it's way to where you are. Unfortunately, I cannot say much for those in Chicago. Each day more and more people are falling ill. So far, my family and I are fine, and I will fight heaven and hell to be here waiting for your return._

_Less than six weeks, now I can count down the days. I miss you, and I cannot wait to hold you again._

_I see your Latin is going better, what else are you doing during the day? I have been reading many books from my father's library and composing songs on the piano. Many of them reflect my current mood; therefore the songs are full of longing and sadness. I play your song everyday, I think that the neighbours have memorised it._

_I have re-read your letters many times. You know me too well, however, we shall agree to disagree; we can both be considered lucky to have found our soul mate._

_I went to the church to pray not only for my family's health but for yours too, and for your return to me. The priest sends his wishes to you, after I explained our situation. He told me that what you and I have is true love, and you will find your way back to me._

_I must go now, take care of yourself love_

_Expectans semper te expectabo_

_Your Edward_

* * *

_9th November, 1918_

_To my Romeo,_

_I'm sorry that you haven't received a letter from me in a while, but the postal service decided to go on strike, demanding an increase in wages. I'm hopeful that you heard about it and weren't too worried._

_I am doing well. Unfortunately I haven't had a chance to progress in my Latin lately, instead, I too have been reading. Charlie tried to placate me for bringing me here by giving me a box of books. Needless to say, I have been preoccupied. The books were a wonderful gift, but even better is the news that he's working ahead of schedule and that I should be home in less than three weeks._

_I hope everything is all right in Chicago. How is everyone? Please tell me that the flu is not as bad._

_Take care my love, and be safe._

_Your one and only,_

_Bella_

* * *

_19th November, 1918_

_To my beloved wife,_

_I don't think I have been happier to read one of your letters. Three weeks! I am absolutely ecstatic, but by the time you get this letter, it will probably be less than two._

_I'm sorry that this letter is so late, and knowing you, I apologise for worrying you for not replying earlier. We too have had a problem with the postal service, but not because of the wages, unfortunately, many of the postmen have fallen ill. I have had to give this letter to some family friends to pass on to you._

_As you can tell, the flu is just as bad, if not worse than before. I can only thank God for helping keep my family safe. We are all fine at the moment. Mother and I have decided to stay inside for much of the time, in order to reduce the risk of being exposed. Father however, is still working, much to the protest of mother and myself._

_I can only imagine your happiness at receiving a box of books to read. Thankfully someone has replenished your supply from Wuthering Heights and what other ghastly books that you have in your possession. (Do not bother arguing with me Bella, do not forget, we have had this argument before)._

_I have to go, but believe me, I am counting down the days until you return._

_Your love_

_Edward_

* * *

_27th November, 1918_

_To my one and only love,_

_I have the greatest news; I'm coming home to you. Charlie has finished everything and we will be leaving in 5 days, so there is a high chance that I will arrive before the letter, but nevertheless, I'm sending it in case plans change._

_I cannot wait to just run into your arms and for you to hold me and kiss me. I am so excited I am literally jumping up and down, so excuse the poor handwriting._

_I don't expect you to reply to this letter, as I will not be here to receive it, but don't fret, you can tell me everything in person._

_I'm so close to being with you, please, keep being safe, I couldn't bear it if I lost you. Send my love to Elizabeth and Edward and tell them of my news, however, I'm sure you've yelled it out by now._

_As for my ghastly book choices, I don't believe you won that argument…it's safe to say that you dazzled me and that is not fair. Regardless, you can tell me all about it when I get back._

_I have to go post this letter, I've written it as soon as I found out and I wanted you to know straightaway._

_I love you with all my heart,_

_Your wife_

_Bella_

* * *

I go outside in order to post my letter. I cannot _believe _that we're leaving. Only 5 more days and I can see Edward. I skip to the post office in excitement, ignoring the looks from the other people in the street. I make it just in time before it closes.

I leave the building, making my way back home. A cold blast of wind hits me and I shiver and rub my arms. I had forgotten to take a coat in my haste to get the letter delivered as soon as possible. I start walking even quicker down the streets, as the sun is setting quite quickly and although Cincinnati is not as big as Chicago, it is just as dangerous for a girl to be walking down the streets alone.

Thankfully, no one approaches me and I manage to reach my front door with no problems.

"Isabella, where have you been? It's almost dark outside," admonishes my mother

"I just had to send a letter to the post office," I say

"To Edward?" she asks

I nod, hoping to avoid any further questions on the topic; unfortunately, I'm not that lucky.

"This is quite serious between you two is it not?" she asks smiling, leading us both to the kitchen.

I don't know what to say, obviously I couldn't tell her the truth, 'yes mother, it's that serious that we got married in secret and other than Edward and I only three other people know', so I opt for acting like a typical love sick teenager that frequents Renee's fantastic social groups;

"Yes, he's so fantastic, I can't wait to see him again," I say and start eating one of the juicy plums that are in the bowl

"That's wonderful, do you think that you would be getting married soon?"

Her words catch me off guard and I choke on a piece of the plum. I cough and then look at her bewildered.

"Surely you must have talked about it. Some people may say that 17 is too young, but I think that you and Edward are perfect. Also, he has fantastic parents, both coming from privileged families and Elizabeth is apart of the Chicago socialites; it's absolutely perfect,"

I take in her words. She thinks that Edward and I are perfect for each other because of his social class? How narrow-minded of her.

"What about love? What would you say if I told you that I was in love with a boy from a lower class family?" I ask

"What's love got to do with it? You need to be thinking about your future Isabella, not about love. How would you support yourself if you married a poor boy? Edward can give you stability and everything else you want in life,"

"Well, it's lucky that I am in love with Edward, I would hate to see what would happen if I was forced to marry a rich boy that held none of my attention and even less of my love. Excuse me, I'm going to wash up," I say storming off to my room.

I guess I am luckier than I thought that Edward and I found each other. I could not imagine being forced to marry someone just because of their title…what are we, living in 16th century England? I'm not royal, what does it matter? I understand Renee's point of view in the respect that money is needed, but again, she fails to note the differences between us. I am satisfied with not being ultra-wealthy or even a part of her coveted social group. I would go against my family, like I already have, and run away with Edward even if he was poor, because the feelings that he evokes in me, are worth more to me than hundred's of ball dresses, pounds of jewellery and thousands of dollars. Edward is worth everything to me.

It is finally the day that we are leaving Cincinnati and going back to Chicago. I place all my letters and returned all the photos in the box that Elizabeth and Edward had given me and placed it at the bottom of my suitcase. I place many of my light dresses and undergarments on top, to cover the box. I lifted it several times to ensure that it is light enough for me to demand that it stays with me. I couldn't bare it if I lost anything from inside that box.

"Isabella, are you ready?" calls Charlie from the bottom of the staircase.

"I'm coming," I say. I take one last look at my room and close the door, not feeling at all sad that I am leaving.

I arrive at the bottom step and Renee and Charlie are putting on their coats. I do the same, knowing that Chicago is going to be freezing in comparison to Cincinnati.

At the platform, there are many conductors around me, grabbing people's suitcases and loading them on to the train. Charlie looks at me and asks,

"Is that staying with you Isabella?" pointing at the suitcase that I am holding onto with a death grip.

I smile at him and say, "Yes, it's staying with me,"

He nods and gives the conductor the remaining pieces of our belongings. Of course, we were returning to Chicago with more items than what we came with, thanks to Renee's need to buy extravagant dresses to show off at her luncheons and balls.

We settle into our private compartment and soon enough the train departs the dock. I take a last look at Cincinnati from the window and then settle into my seat. Charlie reads the newspaper for about an hour before taking a nap, but Renee settles into her seat straightaway. I am so excited about seeing Edward that I can't settle down and I jump around in my seat. I decide to read a book to try and calm myself down, even though it's almost futile.

After what feels like forever, the train conductor informs us that we will be arriving in Chicago in only five hours. At the moment, that feels like an eternity, but then I think back to almost two months ago where I was leaving and the thought of seeing Edward was not conclusive. I could survive five hours… I think to myself a little uncertain, before laughing off my absurdity, five hours was nothing.

All of a sudden, the train brakes begin to screech and everything topples over due to the sudden decrease in movement, before a loud crash reverberates throughout the train. To me everything seems to be happening in slow motion, as the train is propelled forward from the sudden brakes and then pushed back from the impact to what I can only imagine to be another train. The three of us jolt forward, with me falling on top of my suitcase. The determining factor of the lives of everyone on the train is not the sudden stop but the fact that the tracks are icy, causing the train to derail and the carriage to roll down the hill on which the train tracks are located.

The loud crashing noise of the windows breaking and the loud impact of the carriages as they flip continuously down the hill is joined by the loud and constant screaming of not only Renee and Charlie, but also of other people in different carriages and then finally my screams. I hold onto my suitcase as tight as I can, trying to block out the fact that the screams are getting softer and softer, not even wanting to come to terms with what that means.

Finally, the train lies still on its side at the bottom of the hill and I lay on top of my suitcase, hugging the sides, trying to get some grip somewhere and not wanting to let go of the precious items that the suitcase holds. When I'm sure that any movement on my behalf won't affect the position of the train, I try to turn my head to see where Renee and Charlie are. I try to ignore the insistent throbbing at the back of my head, which I'm sure has a large gash, being able to feel the blood trickling down my neck, but the sight before me makes me scream even louder than before. Metres from me, Charlie and Renee lie there motionless. Oh my God, they can't be dead! I try and stand up and reach them, but I am in so much pain, and my head keeps throbbing. All of a sudden I hear a window break. I snap my head towards the sound, instantly regretting the sudden movement. The last thing I see is a pair of red eyes before everything goes black.

**A/N: Okay everyone, first up just to make it clear Bella is not pregnant; she hasn't lost the baby, she hasn't been pregnant to begin with. Now, looking at reviews, the poll and PM's, it was very, very close, so once I finish this story I **_**MIGHT**_** do an alternate story, which picks up from this chapter, where Bella is pregnant, but that would happen when I finish this one fully—what do you guys think of that (yes or no?)  
Just some Latin translations: In aeternum- until the end of time, Totus tuus in omne tempus - All yours until all time, Semper vester/vestra (male/female)-Forever yours, Expectans semper te expectabo- Waiting, I will wait for you forever****  
****Anywho, because I made you guys wait so long for this chapter and because it's almost Christmas, I'm going to post the next chapter tomorrow as my way of saying sorry and Merry Christmas. Again, I LOVE reading all of your reviews and many of you have given me a lot of ideas as to what you don't want to happen and posing many questions that I haven't thought about it. Anyways, keep up the reviews, suggestions and questions, and I hope you liked the chapter.**


	11. Wait for you

**A/N: Ok first of all, I am sorry that I didn't update it yesterday, those that reviewed would know that I had trouble writing this chapter and I just couldn't seem to get it right. I'm quite happy with the end result and I hope you all are too. Chapter name comes from Wait For You but Elliot Yamin (not the best, but sitll half true lol) Without further ado, the next chapter…**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__The train lies still on its side at the bottom of the hill and I lay on top of my suitcase, hugging the sides, trying to get some grip somewhere and not wanting to let go of what the suitcase holds. I turn my head to see Renee and Charlie motionless. Oh my God, they can't be dead! I try and stand up, but I am in so much pain, and my head keeps throbbing. All of a sudden the window breaks. I turn my head towards the sound, instantly regretting the sudden movement. The last thing I see is a pair of red eyes before everything goes black._

EPOV

I walk to the post office in order for Bella to get her letter as soon as possible. I can't believe what a huge impact she has made on my life. Of course it is an expected characteristic for your wife to take centre stage, especially in the first few months of marriage, but I never thought that this would happen to me. But then again, I wasn't expecting to find a girl that I loved this much let alone get married at the age of seventeen. I can't believe that I almost gave up this feeling of absolute joy and happiness to go fight in the war.

Alas, I am alone for now, but I cannot bring myself to regret marrying the girl I love knowing that she would leave so soon, because that week that we were together, the experiences we shared are going to be engrained in my mind for the rest of eternity.

I feel almost ungentlemen-like when I think back on our wedding night. We fit so perfectly together, it is as if she was made for me and her body was calling mine; her creamy legs as I ran my hands along them, her subtle womanly curves, her flat stomach and as I moved my way up to her breasts. She's absolutely beautiful, a goddess that somehow loves me and has decided to tie herself to _me_ for the rest of her life.

Now all I have to do is wait for her to return to me. I could survive three weeks. I have managed to survive since she left, admittedly, I have been only a shadow of the man that I am when I am with her, but nevertheless I am surviving. I can try to justify it by saying that I have survived sixteen and a half years without her, but then again, I didn't know her back then, unlike now where I have realised the happiness and love she brings into my life. Without her, it seems as if something is physically missing from me.

I walk into the house, only to find that it is not only my parents at home, but also a doctor. The three of them are sitting in the living room, or should I say my father is hunched over on the couch with a man kneeling in front of him.

"Good evening. What is happening here?" I ask

"Nothing sweetheart, you're father just has a slight cough," says my mother, coming to hug me.

At the moment, dad starts coughing, and I'm not talking about a _slight_ cough, I'm talking about a violent coughing fit. When all goes silent, I raise my eyebrow sceptically at my mother before looking at my father.

"Son, honestly, it's nothing, just the typical winter cold coming around,"

I look at the doctor, hoping he answers the question nagging at the forefront of my mind.

"You believe it to be the influenza, Doctor—" I say

"Cullen. Carlisle Cullen," he says

The man stands up from his crouched position from in front of my father and shakes my hand. He is tall; a few centimetres taller than me, with blonde hair combed back that show off his gold eyes. Gold? I had never seen someone with that colour eyes. I notice he has deflected my question, so I decide to confirm it rather than make him answer.

"How bad is it?" I ask

Dr. Cullen looks to my parents for approval as to whether he can answer my questions and both of them nod slightly.

"It's only the beginning, it is possible that he survives,"

"But unlikely," I finish

"It depends on the person. Some people have survived. I'm not going to lie as I'm sure you have been following what has been happening, but many have succumbed to the illness,"

"In this case—"

"We have to wait and see," interrupts Dr Cullen before turning to my parents, "it is still early and the fact that you have called me right away means that I can tell you to treat this as best you can; remain on bed rest, drink a lot of fluids, soups would be preferential, place a damp cloth on your forehead if you are feeling warm. I don't want to give you false hope that if you do this it will be okay, this isn't your normal cold or flu, this is very serious. I suggest you stay isolated from others,"

"I'm staying with him, I will help him with whatever he needs," interferes my mother

Dr Cullen just nods at her.

"I'm helping my family the best I can," I say assertively

He nods again, "I pray that you recover and that no one else in your family must suffer,"

"Thank you doctor," says my father before coughing again.

Dr Cullen packs up his medical case before bidding us a good evening. My mother escorts my father upstairs to their bed so that he can be more comfortable before coming downstairs to make dinner. She decides on a thick, vegetable stew, which I help her with by cutting the vegetables.

"Good, we wouldn't want to have sugar and egg in this one," smiles my mother trying to lighten the mood, but I can tell that the doctor's visit has taken its toll on her and she's scared. I walk around the bench and give her a hug. The gesture catches her off guard, but she wraps her arms around my waist and sobs softly in my shoulder. My heart brakes watching my mother coming to pieces in front of me. I understand her feelings; I would be a wreck if it were Bella in my father's position.

My mother and father eat dinner in their room together, while I decide to retreat to my room. I eat the stew and some bread before lying on the covers of my bed staring at the ceiling. I love Bella, which is undeniable, but is it wrong and selfish of me to want her to come back to me amongst the flu running around? Isn't she safer to be with her family miles and miles away from me, rather than run the risk of falling ill or watching those around her fall ill? I didn't have the heart to tell her in the letters that Nicholas and his family had already passed away. All I want is for her to be safe in my arms, so I think as long as she and her family are willing to come back; I'll gladly accept her.

About a week passes since I had sent the letter and I'm assuming that Bella has probably received it and has probably sent her reply. Since that day, Dr. Cullen had come over to check on my father several times once he had finished his shift or at the start of one. I had actually talked to him for a while one night after he had finished checking on my dad. Not only is he very compassionate, but also he is very intelligent. He talked to me about his travels, his studies and how, hopefully, the influenza will pass shortly.

I had spent the day as usual at the meadow; trying to remember many of the various conversations I had with Bella there, trying to remember how she felt lying by my side. I walk back to the house in the evening to find my mother in a flurry of activity.

"Mother, what's wrong?" I ask as she carries a suitcase, "Are we going somewhere?" I say before coughing

She snaps her head to me, "Please, not you too," she says and holds her hand on my forehead.

"Mother?" I say wriggling out of her grasp

"It's your father, he's gone to hospital, and I came back here to get him some items,"

"How bad is he?"

"He has a high temperature, and a fever and he is coughing a lot. I need you to speak with Dr Cullen when we get there," she says

"Why?" I ask

"Because you're not feeling well, and I couldn't bare it if you feel ill as well,"

I take the suitcase from the stairs and we start the small walk to the hospital. I think back on what she has said. Have I not been feeling well? I try to think back when I started coughing, it must have only been a couple of days ago or else Dr Cullen would have said something when he saw me last. My musings take us to the hospital and my mother walks over to the ward where my father is staying.

I walk in the door and the first sight that assaults me is my frail father lying on the bed writhing in pain. My father, who always seemed so strong and powerful, now lay in a jumbled heap on a hospital bed surrounded by others equally as sick.

"Elizabeth, Edward," he greets us softly

My mother falls to the side of his bed, grabbing his hand tightly and kissing the back of it.

We sit for a few minutes, none of us speaking, when Dr Cullen walks into the room.

"Good evening doctor," greets my mother

"Good evening everyone," he says looking at the charts

"If you have time, can you please look at Edward?" she asks

Dr Cullen's head snaps up to meet my face, with a face of concentration on it.

"Don't worry about me, I'm sure you have other more pressing matters you need to deal with. I only have a slight cough…" I say trailing off using the same words my mother had used when I first saw my father ill.

"Dr Cullen, you're needed on the second floor," interrupts a nurse

He looks back at me; "I will come find you when I deal with this matter,"

My father falls asleep a little while on. My ever-faithful mother decides to stay by his side, placing and removing the washcloth from his forehead. I decide to leave them alone and instead wander around the hospital.

My travels land me in the children's ward. I see that there are no adults around other than some nurses and a couple of doctors. I pick up one of the books on the bedside table and start reading it to a couple of the children in here. The story lulls almost all of them to sleep. When I decide to return to the room I bump into Dr Cullen, who has a wry smile on his face.

"That was very nice of you Edward," he comments

"Where are their families? Why do you separate the children from the parents?" I ask

Dr Cullen's small smile disappears and comprehension dawns on me; these children have lost their parents. I nod softly to Dr Cullen before turning to face the children again. Even in their slumber, many are still pale and look sick, others have a little colour in their face but it's not long before they too will look drained of their natural complexion.

"Come on Edward, you have an examination to submit to," he says before leading me back to my fathers room.

There we find my mother sleeping with her arms folded by father's side and her head resting on them.

Carlisle does the examination on the empty bed next to my father, checking my temperature, my throat, my breathing. When he finishes, I already know what he is going to say judging by the look of sadness on his face.

"I'm sorry—" he begins

"No, not him too," says my mother, who has woken up sometime during the examination, rushes over to hug me.

I hug her back and settle into the bed that I'm lying on before drifting off to sleep.

I spend the next few days sleeping excessively, with my mother constantly fussing over both my father and I. Thankfully, she is still healthy, but even I know that that won't last too long if she stays around in the hospital.

The fourth day in the hospital I feel a little better, contrary to my father, who seems to be going in a downward spiral. I leave my parents alone for a while before going to read to the orphaned children.

Dr Cullen finds me again, and admonishes me for being out of bed. I kindly remind him that I am already sick, so bringing some peace and happiness to the children, not matter how fleeting, is worthwhile.

Being escorted back to the room, I pass some doctors and nurses talking about the time of death of a patient. The date? I rush over to my room, with Dr Cullen hot on my heels.

"Mother, have you been home lately?" I ask

"I went a couple of days ago while you were sleeping,"

"Mother, the letter, it should arrive today, will you please bring it to me?" I ask

She smiles at me, "Of course, you stay in bed though, you're father is already sleeping,"

In my excitement I can't bring myself to fall asleep, so I lay there, waiting for the chance to be holding a part of Bella so soon. It doesn't take long before my mother is walking into the room, holding a letter from Bella. I jump from the bed to grab it when my mother starts coughing. I throw the letter on the bed before turning back to my mother.

"No, please no," I say hugging her

Dr Cullen walks in noticing my mother and I sobbing and holding each other tightly. He gets the nurse to set up the bed next to my father before checking on the rest of the patients in the room. She slides into the bed, while I stand at the foot of the bed and grab it.

_

* * *

_

27th November, 1918

_To my one and only love,_

_I have the greatest news; I'm coming home to you. Charlie has finished everything and we will be leaving in 5 days, so there is a high chance that I will arrive before the letter, but nevertheless, I'm sending it in case plans change._

_I cannot wait to just run into your arms and for you to hold me and kiss me. I am so excited I am literally jumping up and down, so excuse the poor handwriting._

_I don't expect you to reply to this letter, as I will not be here to receive it, but don't fret, you can tell me everything in person._

_I'm so close to being with you, please, keep being safe, I couldn't bear it if I lost you. Send my love to Elizabeth and Edward and tell them of my news, however, I'm sure you've yelled it out by now._

_As for my ghastly book choices, I don't believe you won that argument…it's safe to say that you dazzled me and that is not fair. Regardless, you can tell me all about it when I get back._

_I have to go post this letter, I've written it as soon as I found out and I wanted you to know straightaway._

_I love you with all my heart,  
__  
Your wife  
__Bella_She's coming home. She's coming home! She's coming back to me! I read the letter a few times, imagining her begging me to stay safe and I feeling guilty that I have failed her. I keep standing, running a hand through my hair when I notice a problem with the letter.

* * *

"Mother, is there anything else?" I ask

She shakes her head, "Why?"

"The Swan's haven't arrived?" I ask

"No, I passed their house on the way over here, it's still empty, why?"

I start to feel dizzy and the room begins to sway. I stumble and place the letter on the bedside table before I collapse into the bed.

I register the faint scream of my mother before I am enveloped in darkness. I feel numb. She is meant to be here. She was meant to arrive yesterday; she is supposed to be by my side. I'm not meant to be sick. This isn't how it's meant to go…

I wake up, who knows how long since receiving the letter, in a hot flush. I can feel the sweat dripping and running down my forehead, down my arms. I kick the covers off me, and turn my head to see my father and mother.

My mother is out of her bed kneeling by my father's side, while he weakly pats her hand. I try and get out of bed, recognising this as probably my father's last moments. I stumble over to him, while my mother looks over at me wide-eyed. My father smiles weakly at me, conveying his love and pride in just a simple look. I nod at him and kneel by his side.

Only a few moments pass when I feel the grip of his hand loosen and his breathing becoming even heavier, when eventually his eyes close and don't open. My mother cries hard and Dr Cullen walks in. he surveys the scene before him before leaving the room, coming back with two more people to take my father to the morgue.

My mother falls into her bed, crying herself to sleep, as I retreat back to mine.

"How are you feeling Edward?" asks Dr Cullen when he returns to the room

"I'm very hot," I softly say, slurring my words,

He just nods and helps me back into bed, where I drift to sleep again, before being awoken by the sound of soft sobs coming near me; my mother is in her bed staring at me. I look at her and take in her haggard appearance; the soft skin that she used to have is covered in sweat, her hair is in a state of disarray, her eyes look tired and she looks very weak. I, however, can imagine that I don't look any better, I don't even have the strength to even smile at her and reassure her, and instead I start coughing ferociously. My hand comes to cover my mouth as a habit, and when I finally stop coughing I move my hand to see blood on it. I don't have the power to even comprehend the seriousness of it, and instead I flop onto my pillow. I hear footsteps coming into the room, and my mother's soft voice.

All sense of time has been lost on me. I have been waking every couple of hours, never being fully rested. My dreams are a nice escape to the reality that surrounds me. It's always the same, Bella and I, always together.

This time, violent coughing wakes me up, and I pray that when I open my eyes that it isn't my mother who is emitting those sounds, but again, opening my eyes I face the reality of what is really happening. Dr Cullen sits beside her and his head turns to face me when he realises that I am awake. It takes me longer than usual to understand what s happening; my mother is dying. Just as I had watched my father in his last moments, I am going to witness my mothers as well, although this time I literally can't feel any part of my body to be able to sit beside her or to touch her, or even smile.

I watch in silence, as my mother's chest begins to rise even slower and slower and her eyes remain closed for longer than necessary while blinking, and all too soon, everything ceases; her breathing, her eyes and her heart.

I feel as if my movements are mimicking hers; feeling short of breath, my eyes are fighting with all my will power to stay open but I can't even turn my head to face the ceiling, instead I stay frozen looking at the scene in front of me.

I try to fight the best I could. I try to fight so that I can see Bella again. Although it feels like lifetimes since I read her letter, in fact it has only been two days. I had spent that time thinking of many excuses as to why she hadn't arrived: Charlie probably had some last minute things to deal with, she had even told me that she was _supposed_ to leave in five days, but that was if plans didn't change. I have to hold onto the belief that her plans have changed and that she is still all right. I try to fight with everything I have left in me so that I can be there for her when she arrives, so that I can hold her and kiss her and love her, so that she doesn't arrive in Chicago to find my house empty, so she doesn't come here and see that I'm not here to wait for her. I try to fight with all my power to be able to tell her that I love her one more time, that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and that I will love her for all of eternity.

No matter how hard I try though, my eyes are determined to remain closed, my lungs fail to take in the much-needed air and my heart begins to falter without her beside me.

All of a sudden I feel myself being lifted, and the wind breezing past me, it's almost as if I'm flying. I don't know what my destination is, all I know is that wherever I am going, I will be a married man, in love with the only woman who has ever touched my heart.

My thoughts of Bella are enveloped in bliss and happiness and love, before it is shattered and overtaken by a piercing burn rushing through my body.

**A/N: So, what do you guy think? I know many of you were expecting Bella's transformation but…no lol. Anyways, the next chapter will definitely be up before the New Year and it will be the lovely Miss Bella featuring in it. Anyways, let me know if you guys liked the chapter, and as always, any questions/suggestions/ideas, feel free to let me know!!! Thanks for reading! **


	12. So Close

**A/N: Firstly I know I said I would update on Christmas, but I got a little sidetracked, so everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS and here is a belated present for you all. The chapter name comes from the song So Close- Jon McLaughlin. Well, I will be updating in a few days. I hope you all enjoy the chapter…**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__My thoughts of Bella are enveloped in bliss and happiness and love, before it is shattered and overtaken by a piercing burn rushing through my body._

BPOV

I don't understand anything that is happening around me, the only thing that makes sense to me is the intense amount of pain that I am in. It isn't your usual "Ow, that hurts" kind of pain, no, this is 'I think my whole body is on fire' kind of pain…literally. I can feel every inch of my skin and bone being charred to ash, and here I am wondering how I got to be in this position.

I try and think as hard as I can, but all I can remember is leaving Cincinnati. Well, that's a start; we got on the train…the train! It crashed and rolled down the hill, is it on fire? I try and lift my head to get some sort of idea of where I am, but I physically can't move. It's like the flames are tying my body down and I don't have control of any of my limbs, how is it that I'm not dead yet? It is not possible for someone to undergo the amount of pain that I am in now and not be dead, unless…I am actually dead. Is this hell? The flames and intense heat is consistent with my theory, but what have I done to deserve being here? I haven't broken any of the Ten Commandments and then I remember Edward. If this is the price I have to pay for marrying Edward and lying to my parents, I would take it and I would endure in silence. I don't scream and I don't beg for death, because I would burn for the rest of my life in exchange for the nine months I had with Edward.

I'm unaware of how long my punishment is meant to be, days or weeks may pass, but eventually I am able to feel my legs and my arms. The fire isn't extinguishing itself from my body, instead, it's like it's moving and finally resting at my throat. As I gain the ability to move, I am able to hear and smell again. In all honesty it doesn't smell like a burning body, which I would have expected. Instead, it smells like dirt and leaves; where am I? The only sounds that I can hear are a few birds chirping, the air whooshing amongst the trees and…a murmur of voices. Who are they, are they here to help me?

The fire feels like it is almost gone, so I decide to make my attempt at moving. I first wriggle my toes and then my fingers before opening my eyes. I open them to see the canopy of a forest. It looks so sharp and clear, but the question on my mind is how on earth did I get on the forest floor? I manage to sit up and I instantly leap to my feet and crouch when I see two men in front of me. Both are tall, muscular men who are handsome; one has short-cropped red hair, while the other has shoulder-length curly black hair.

"Who are you?" I snarl, a little shocked at my actions

The redheaded raises his hands demonstrating that he means no harm.

"I am Joshua and this is Balthazar," he says smiling

I look between them before standing straighter, "Did you save me?"

Balthazar laughs at me, "Save you? Yes, in a way we did. If you look at it another way, we also damned you for the rest of eternity,"

"Damned me?" I ask confused

"Do you always have to start it that way? No one likes being damned," Joshua admonishes Balthazar, who just shrugs

"She has a right to know,"

"Know what?" I ask curious

"What you are?" he says ominously, while Joshua just shakes his head, running a hand over his face

"And what am I?" I ask letting my anger show slightly

"A blood-sucking leech, also known as a vampire," he says casually

"BALTHAZAR, we are not changing anyone ever again. You have to ease people into the lifestyle not throw them to the sharks,"

I laugh, "You want me to believe that I am a vampire?" I ask sceptically

"No, we want you to _accept_ that you are a vampire," corrects Balthazar

I nod condescendingly, "Vampires don't exist,"

"Yet here we are," says Balthazar waving his hands in front of him, motioning to the three of us, before sighing, "I'll just demonstrate, it will be quicker,"

As soon as the words leave his mouth he turns and runs appearing in the same spot a moment later. He then proceeds to pull a tree out of the ground and flings it hundreds of metres away. I look at him shocked, he's a vampire, _I'm_ a vampire.

"YOU _MADE_ ME A VAMPIRE," I screech

"That was quick," smiles Balthazar in approval

"Calm down," soothes Joshua

"Calm down? You want me to calm down? Why on earth should I calm down when you _bit_ me?" I yell

"Please at least stop yelling, we have super hearing, and frankly you're giving me a headache," says Balthazar rubbing his temple

"Well, I apologise for inconveniencing you," I shout even louder

Joshua laughs, "I like her, she's funny, and Balthazar you know very well that we don't get headaches,"

"We don't?" I ask

"Let me explain. As Balthazar ever so kindly pointed out, we are indeed vampires. We cannot fall ill to any disease including small things such as headaches. When we change into vampires we become set in stone; we cease to age, our skin becomes like granite rock and it is very hard to kill us,"

"So, no stake to the heart?"

"Pftt, the stake will just break on impact," snorts Balthazar

"Holy water?"

They shake their heads.

"The sun?"

"We tend to _sparkle_ rather than burn," answers Joshua

"Crosses?"

"Very nice decoration, but no," says Balthazar

"So how _do_ we get killed?"

"It's difficult. You need to rip apart a vampire and then light the pieces on fire,"

"Okay, so hard to kill, got it. Anything else you'd like to inform me about?"

"Just a few. As I said, we are frozen in time, so we don't age. You will look like you do now for the rest of eternity," says Joshua

"So, how old are _you_?" I ask

"It's rude to ask people about their age," scolds Balthazar, while I smile sheepishly, embarrassed for not acting like a lady

Joshua laughs, "Age is a little sore subject for him. I was born in Ireland around 1689, and I was turned a few days shy of my 24th birthday. The vampire that changed me is a real pain, but for some reason we still roam the Earth together," he says looking at Balthazar pointedly.

Balthazar just sighs, "Yes, one of my more problematic changes, Joshua. He was acting like a larrikin one night, acting superior in front of all his friends, so I decided to show him who was the best. Clearly, I won. But I digress; I was born around the middle of the thirteenth century. That was so long ago, that I can't even tell you how it happened, human memories fade after a while,"

"You mean, I'm going to forget everything that has happened up until now?" I ask panicking. I can't bear to forget him, everything we shared together, NO.

"Potentially. Things that you don't think about will eventually fade, but if you have reminders, which you do, you won't forget. You see, vampires have heightened abilities, our senses, our speed, our strength and our mind. Once something happens to you as a vampire, it is very difficult to forget," placates Joshua

"What do you mean when you said that I have reminders?" I ask

"Well, first of all, you have a necklace on with both an engagement ring and a wedding ring on," mentions Joshua which I reach and touch subconsciously, "Secondly, we rescued a couple of items from your carriage, thinking that you would need a change of clothes," he says pointing to _my_ suit case. Before I know what has happened, I am standing in front of it, ripping it open. Ok, so I have to adjust to the speed and the strength. Inside, just as I left it is the box of letters and photographs.

"Thank you so much," I sob

I am so overwhelmed with emotion that it takes me a couple of moments to realise why I'm not crying.

"Why aren't tears coming out of my eyes, I am _clearly_ crying?" I ask spinning around to face them

"Would you like to do the honours for this one?" Balthazar asks Joshua, "I wouldn't want to seem _insensitive_,"

Joshua rolls his eyes, "As I said, we are set in stone, which means that our body doesn't require and do all the things it did while you were human. We can't cry, we don't need to sleep, you might not have noticed but we don't have a heart beat and we don't require oxygen. It also means that we don't have blood pumping throughout our bodies, which is ironic considering we drink it, and also that…" he trails off

"Also what?" I ask

"You are the example of procreation for vampires," interrupts Balthazar

"What?" I ask confused

"What Balthazar is trying to elude to is that your body is frozen, you can't have children," he says softly

"You mean I will never be a mother?" I ask sadly

They both shake their heads.

"We're sorry," says Joshua

"Why did you change me?" I ask, "Or, should my question be, which one of you changed me?"

"Uhh, that would be me," says Balthazar raising his hand slightly

I take a deep, unnecessary breath before sighing, "Why?"

"Well, first of all, you were dying. You had a deep head wound that probably would have led to you bleeding to death within minutes," he says, "Secondly, your blood was too delicious to resist; so floral and simply mouth-watering,"

"So, how exactly did I become a vampire if you killed me?" I ask confused

"Well, to become a vampire you need to have enough of our venom to flow through your body. You experienced a burning feeling?" asks Joshua while I nod my head, "That is the transformation process. You didn't die because I stopped Balthazar from draining you completely,"

"So, as vampires we kill humans for their blood in order to survive?" I ask, repulsed by the idea

They nod their heads.

"Is there an alternative?" I ask in a small voice

"An alternative?" scoffs Balthazar, "We are vampires, and we drink blood. You can try, but you will see that eating human food is not only repulsing, but does nothing to sustain you,"

I nod slowly, hesitantly resigning to my fate

"Can I ask another question?" I ask

"By all means, it is our role as your changers to answer any of your questions," says Joshua smiling

"Why are your eyes different colours and why are they reddish?"

"She's observant," says Balthazar, "Well, just recently we ran into another vampire, and he had gold eyes. We asked him how he managed that and he told us that he only drinks from animal blood. Joshua over there thought it would be nice to try, so for the last two weeks we have been only drinking animal blood. However, when the train crashed and there was all that blood, it was just too hard to resist,"

"You see," continues Joshua, "our eyes change colour depending on our hunger levels. If you drink human blood they become red and the hungrier you get, the closer to black they become,"

"Then why are yours pink?" I ask

Balthazar chuckles, while Joshua just glares at him, "We have both been human blood drinkers since we were changed, but the last two weeks of feeding on animals isn't enough time to change the eye colour completely. Balthazar drank a lot of blood from you before I stopped him, therefore he has more human blood in him than myself, so his are a vibrant red,"

"What colour are my eyes?" I ask curious.

"Yours are a light red. When newborns are changed they have their own human blood in them already, but you had lost a lot of your blood from your wounds and from Balthazar drinking, so they aren't too red,"

"But I can drink animal blood, correct?" I ask excited at the prospect

Balthazar scoffs, "She's just like the quack in Chicago. Yes, you can drink animal blood, but why drink from animals when you can drink something that actually _tastes_ good,"

Joshua sighs, "It's very difficult to live on animal blood because the temptation of humans is so great. We have tried to live only on animals but Balthazar doesn't want to go against his nature and it is much too hard,"

"Do you feel a burning sensation in your throat?" asks Balthazar quickly

I hadn't noticed it before, but now that he had mentioned it, it feels like my throat is on fire.

"That is your thirst, and trust me, it is not craving for some furry little animal, no, it is craving for sweet, delicious, human blood,"

"But, it can be done, living on animals?"

"You will need a great amount of will power. But I suppose because you haven't tasted human blood, it might be easier for you,"

"Now, I wonder…" says Balthazar circling me, "What could your ability be?"

"Ability?"

"Some vampires are gifted and have powers," explains Joshua

"Do either of you have powers?" I ask

They both shake their heads.

"Well, I'm nothing special I doubt that I'll have a power either," I say

We spend an endless period of time talking, them explaining the rules and about the Volturi and all about the past of the vampire wars and the immortal children. I am adamant that I will not hunt humans, however, I'm not sure how open Balthazar and Joshua are, with trying that lifestyle permanently. I don't think that I could handle being around them while they take numerous lives. All of a sudden, a scent of blood rushes past me. It's not _that_ appetising but before I know it, I have snapped the neck and drained a small deer. Joshua and Balthazar come rushing behind me.

"Seriously, you're going to go with this lifestyle?" asks Balthazar

I nod my head, "I'm sorry, but I don't think that I'll be able to kill humans, or even watch the two of you kill them,"

"If that is your choice. We apologise but we are unable to live the lifestyle you choose," says Joshua

"I understand,"

They point me in the direction of Chicago and tell me to have a nice life, not the usual farewell, and that we might see each other again some time before we both part our separate ways.

I change out of my bloody clothes and put on a dress and grabbing the box, not bothering to carry the whole suitcase. The speed is exhilarating and I rush in and out of trees enjoying the feeling of not getting tired. Before I know it, I see the all too familiar buildings of Chicago.

Without delay and without thinking I rush to Edward's house, but when I get outside the house I hear no heart beats…it's empty. I sneak to the back house to Edward's room, but there is no one. I start walking down the street towards the meadow when Mrs. Daniels, an old lady that used to visit her daughter that lived next door to Edward, spots me. She looks very bad, coughing loudly, and walking with a hunched back.

"Isabella, is that you?" she asks

I turn around to face her, hearing the soft, weak thumping of her heart, listening to the rush of the blood through her veins. She looks very weak and fragile, and looking at her I think about how easy it would be to kill her right now and taste the blood that my body is craving, but her question snaps me out of my musings and my thirst is forgotten.

"Are you looking for Edward?" she asks

I nod my head but she gasps.

"What happened to your eyes dear?"

"The doctor says I have an eye infection, so please don't come nearer in case it is contagious," in case I kill you, I amend in my head.

"Well, you look more beautiful than ever and it's alright dear, if anyone should stay away it is you. I just came back from the hospital. They said I have the influenza and that it is likely that I won't be live through the night,"

"Oh God, I am so sorry," I say not knowing what the appropriate response would be to that declaration, "Do you know where Edward is?" I ask trying to change the subject from the morbid flu.

"Oh, dear," she begins and coughs loudly again, "You broke his heart when you left. He was only ever happy when he got your letters, always walking to the small church and out into the forests. It broke my heart to see him like that,"

I felt a pang of guilt; it is my fault he felt like that. Maybe if I had pleaded with my parents to let me stay, neither of us would be like this.

"You two are like Romeo and Juliet," she says

I cock my head to the side, "How so?"

"Dear, I don't want to be the one to tell you this, but the Masen's fell ill to the influenza. Just as he passes away you come back," she says shaking her head sadly

"No, that can't be. He sent me a letter about two weeks ago and he was fine. They all were, please tell me this is some humourless joke," I sob

"I'm so sorry dear, their names were added to the count in the newspaper for last week," releasing the paper that is under her arm and fingering the edges tentatively

"May I have a look?" I ask choking on my words

She hands it to me hesitantly. I can't believe it, _my_ Edward…gone. No, I won't believe it, it can't be.

"You can keep it," she says

I scan the page and find the name of Edward Snr, Elizabeth and Edward Masen, tragic victims to the influenza. I take a few unnecessary deep breaths as I steady myself from collapsing.

"I must be off. I'm sorry about your poor health Mrs. Daniels," I say

"It's alright dear, I have lived long enough,"

I stumble aimlessly around the forest, walking to our meadow, the names of the Masen's keeps flashing in my mind. Eventually I reach the meadow and collapse, crying my sadness and pain tearlessly. I lay there for a while thinking of all the memories we had shared; the meadow, our birthdays, our wedding, _that_ night. Clutching my rings in my hand tightly, I can't help but be forever grateful that I have a piece of him for the rest of eternity.

After an endless period of time I jump to my feet draining a few animals before going back to my house, deciding to get the money from my father's safe. I can't just roam the streets for the rest of my life penniless and alone.  
Of course in the time that I had been lying in the forest I did think about joining Edward, but I couldn't do that. We had promised to stay safe and even though he didn't manage to do that, I am still able to. I know I won't be able to move on from him and I know that I'll never find anyone else, but I also know that I without him I can't _live_ and instead, I will continue to just _be_.

Despite my speed ability, I walk slowly into the house savouring the memories the rooms have to offer; the stairway where Edward gave me the bracelet that's hanging off my wrist, the salon where Edward and I had danced, the kitchen where I learnt how to cook. As I walk up the stairs, it becomes more and more painful for me as flashes of the past in this house assault me. Although the temperature doesn't affect me, a rush of cold runs down my spine as I enter my room. I sit down on my bed thinking of being here with him. _There's nothing more that I want than to lie in your arms forever_. I shake my head and run my hands over the bed as if he was here with me. _I don't want you to go either_. His voice whispers sadly throughout the room. I jump off the bed and stand in front of my wardrobe trying to suppress the memories. _I love you too Bella, more than you'll ever know_. His voice as loud and passionate as the day he said it. I collapse in front of my wardrobe running a hand through my hair. I shake my head. He's gone; I admit to myself and slowly begin to stand myself up. I catch sight of my reflection and I gasp. This isn't I. I'm not beautiful, this _reflection _is beautiful. The woman staring back has brown hair that is immaculately style, falling in very loose curls. My face is absolutely flawless and pale. I think back to Balthazar and Joshua and I realise the pale skin and the beauty is a sign of a vampire. I stare at the already amber eyes understanding why Mrs Daniels must have been scared of me. Analysing myself in the mirror, I finally start to find traces of myself among the stranger staring back at me. My bottom lip is a little bigger than the top, and my eyes are as wide as they were when I was human.

I rush out of the room and go to Charlie's office for the safe. I stand in front of it contemplating how I'm going to access the money without the code when I decide to use my strength to its full advantage and rip apart the hinges. Grabbing the money, some heirlooms and a bag I run out of the house not being able to stand in it any longer before rushing to my most important destination.

"Hello dear, how can I help you?" asks the Reverend who married Edward and I

I remain in the shadows of the church not wanting to scare him off.

"Hello," my bell-like voice rings out

"What can I do for you child?" he asks obviously not remembering me

I sniff, "Some of my family has passed away and I was wondering if you could create a few headstones for the cemetery out back,"

"Oh, I am so sorry dear," he says and crosses himself, "yes, the main one has been over filled, they started coming here a month and a half ago. Well, currently the last few headstones are being finished for those in the accident, by Henry, who has volunteered to do them,"

"Accident?" I ask

"Yes, a train from Cincinnati on its way here to Chicago derailed, there were no survivors. As this is the closest cemetery their head stones are going here," he explains

Oh my God. That's me. I was on that train. They're going to give me a headstone.

The Reverend leads me to Henry and I manage to persuade him to put the tomb of Isabella Marie Swan next to those that I have requested of the Masen family. I ask them how they know the names of those on board, and they explain how each ticket was personified so that no one could steal another's tickets.

I come back the next day carrying bouquets of flowers to place on the headstones of my family and a plaque that I had bought from the jeweller's. Henry had managed to finish the Masen's stones and I gave him some money for his troubles and also donated some to the church.

I spend some time in front of Charlie and Renee's tombs talking to them and telling them about Edward and myself and how happy we were. I place the flowers down and kiss their headstones before moving on to mine. It is so odd that here lies a remembrance of myself but yet here I am looking down on it…alive. I rest my plaque against my headstone before skipping Edward and moving to Edward Snr and Elizabeth. Placing my flowers down again I talk to them both, thanking them, apologising to them and kissing their headstones before facing the reality that is before me.

I stare at Edward's headstone reading and re-reading the inscription I chose for him specifically

_Edward Anthony Masen  
__Beloved son and husband  
__Quos amor verus tenuit, tenebit. _

I kneel in front of his grave knowing that he's not there. I tell him how much I love him and how much I'm going to miss him and when the time is right, I'll see him again one day. I place the flowers that I had picked from the meadow, placing a lingering kiss on the stone and saying goodbye to my family, to Chicago and to him.

**A/N: Well there we have it, chapter 12. Next chapter is going to be Edward's point of view before we get cracking into the story. Translation for quos amor verus tenuit, tenebit means ****those whom true love has held, it will go on holding. Anyways, let me know as usual what you thought about this chapter and if you have any questions/suggestions/ideas. Well, that's all from me, please review. Thanks!**


	13. How Can You Mend a Broken Heart

**A/N: First of all WOW!! Thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far, definitely keep them coming, I have over 150, so THANKS HEAPS. Well, I'm going away for a week, and I was wondering as to whether I should leave you all hanging in suspense, but after getting thirty reviews for last chapter alone, I figured that you guys definitely deserved it and also, I don't feel like having a target on my back for not updating. Anyways, HAPPY NEW YEARS to everyone. It's a new year, new start, that's the motto I'm following and I wish everyone the best for this year. The chapter name comes from the one and only Michael Buble- How can you mend a broken heart. Well, on with the story…**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__Edward Anthony Masen  
__Beloved son and husband  
__Quos amor verus tenuit, tenebit.  
__I kneel in front of his grave knowing that he's not there. I tell him how much I love him and how much I'm going to miss him and when the time is right, I'll see him again one day. I place the flowers that I had picked from the meadow, placing a lingering kiss on the stone and saying goodbye to my family, to Chicago and to him._

EPOV  
I don't know how long I was burning but each minute brought new waves of piercing flames. I could feel my mouth move to howl in agony, begging for death, but all of my screams amounted to nothing, I was not granted any mercy. After an endless amount of torture, I could feel the pain begin to quell and I managed to actually _feel_ my limbs rather than the pain coursing through them. However, it felt as if the pain from my body needed a place to stay and it situated itself in my throat. Slowly gaining my consciousness I could move my body, but I could also feel my throat itch with some sort of thirst.

Opening my eyes from this torture, it felt like I was seeing for the first time. Everything was bright and clear and _sharp_. I could hear trees bristling, birds chirping and a voice. In my defence I leap up and crouch down looking for the source of the sound. My eyes land upon the doctor from the hospital.

"Dr. Cullen?" I ask standing straighter

"Edward, how are you?"

I don't even have to think about his question, "Better," I say answering automatically, "Have I recovered?" I ask, thinking back on the days where I was fighting with the influenza in the hospital alongside my parents

_How do I tell him? _I hear someone ask

"Are my parents really dead? It wasn't some nightmare?" I ask

"I'm sorry son, it was real. As to the question 'have you recovered', well…I'm so sorry Edward…"

"For what?" I ask trying to think of why he would be sorry about my health, I'm here; I'm alive, right?

"I've never done this before, so I've never been in this position…" he continues

_What am I meant to say? He'll hate me for what I've done_.

I look around trying to determine whether there is someone else in the room, but I see no one.

"Edward, you're a vampire," he concludes

I look at the doctor as if he has gone crazy.

"A vampire? Really?" I ask sceptically

"Yes, like myself, you are a vampire," he says seriously

I can't help the laugh that escapes my mouth. He gives me a moment to take in his words, and I realise through his silence that he has no reason to lie to me or to make up preposterous claims.

"Prove it," I say

After demonstrating his strength, speed, and other vampiric qualities, I slowly start to accept it. He continues to explain to me that it was my mother's dying wish that he do everything in his power to save me and he admits that my mother might have been privy to his true nature. After I ask about the pain in my throat he explains to me that as legends go, we do feed on blood, but he has chosen an alternative lifestyle of feeding on animals. There are a number of reasons why I have chosen the life that Carlisle, as he insists I keep calling him, leads. I not only don't want to be alone, even though he had given me the choice to wonder off, I also have a deep appreciation for him; having the ability to work as a doctor, being surrounded by blood and temptation and yet manage to work skilfully, makes me admire him and his efforts.

He explains everything about his life, what he has experienced in the vampire world, including the histories, both tragic and unimaginable. He explains about our beauty, and how we seem beautiful to humans in order to lure them, and about our lack of heartbeat and need for oxygen and about our lack of sleep, which becomes evident, as we had literally talked from dusk until dawn with no exhaustion. As soon as he mentions abilities my attentions peaks.

"What do you mean when you say abilities?" I ask curiously

He smiles, "Well, some vampires have extra abilities outside the usual. My theory is that we take a dominant characteristic from our human life and it is amplified when we become vampires,"

"Do you have a power?" I ask

"Well, it's not so much a power as a trait," he says

_How do I explain it?_

Explain however you can," I say

He looks at me curiously, "Well, when I was staying in Volterra, there was a vampire there by the name of Elezear, and he has the ability to see what other vampire's abilities are. Anywho, he told me that my power was my compassion,"

_I wonder what his could be…_

I look around the room when the voice rings out again, certain that I am hearing something.

"Is there anyone else here?" I ask

He shakes his head looking confused, "No. We are far away from the centre of the city, so I doubt that you'd be able to hear anyone's voice, why?"

I shake my head not wanting to seem crazy for hearing voices, although it did sound a bit like Carlisle's.

_I wonder if there is anything he'd like to talk to about_

"Like what?" I ask

"What?" he asks

"You said I wonder if there is anything that I'd like to talk about, I heard you,"

He shakes his head in deep concentration before a small smile tugs at the ends of his lips.

_Edward_

"Yes?" I ask looking at him

_I think I know your ability_

I can feel my eyes bulge out of my head, "How are you doing that?"

_Doing what?_

I point at him conspiratorially, "That, talking without moving your mouth,"

_Edward, it isn't I that is doing something, it is you_

"Me?"

He nods his head, "I think you can hear people's minds," he says

I shake my head, "No, why would I be able to read people's thoughts?"

"Were you good at guessing what people were thinking when you were human?" he asks

A memory zips through my head,

"_She only wants you up there," I say. She looks back at me in disbelief._

"_Sorry, not all of us are mind-readers," she smiles before kissing my cheek_

"_Must not be a good one if I never know what you're thinking," I smile letting her leave to go upstairs_

"Edward are you ok?" asks Carlisle standing in front of me, tugging my shoulder lightly

"Yeah, just a memory," I say

"Well, would you like to go to your family's house to retrieve some items?" he asks

"I can do that?" I ask

He smiles, "They _are_ your possessions," he says, "I need to be at the hospital for my final day. I took the last three days while you were changing to stay with you, but we can go when I come back,"

"That's no problem,"

"Please, make yourself at home, I have many books that you can read. Hunt as often as you can, but don't venture into the city, it would be too hard for a newborn like you to resist human blood so early on,"

Carlisle excuses himself and I decide to hunt before settling on reading a medical book of his. For every book I read I take myself hunting, loving the exhilarating speeds that I can reach while running. Before I know it, Carlisle has returned from him shift.

"Would you like to retrieve the items now?" he asks once he walks into the door.

"If that doesn't bother you," I say

"It's no trouble, just give me a few moments. Here, I picked up the newspaper for you to see what's going on. I admit, it is a few days old, but not much would have changed," he says handing it to me

I take the paper and settle on the couch. Seconds after I sit down, my heart plummets to the pit of my stomach and it feels like someone is squeezing it tight. My stone arms drop the paper not being able to comprehend the first words on the page **DEADLY TRAIN WRECK KILLS ALL**. I pray to God that it is not Bella's train and just a random train. Admittedly I hadn't thought about or talked to Carlisle how our relationship would work or even if it could, seeing as I would probably want to kill her most of the time. No, I would need to give her a normal life, not one with a monster, I could watch from the shadows ensuring that she is happy and loved and take care of her…but from afar. I pick the paper up and read with my vampiric abilities. It had said that the Chicago to New York train, that crossed through Cincinnati was derailed after skidding on ice before tumbling down the embankment multiple times. There were no survivors. I look at the date and the burning pain that I was feeling for three days during my transformation, is nothing compared to this feeling. I scan the bottom of the page for the list of names of the deceased: _Isabella Marie Swan_. NO, it couldn't be. NO she couldn't be dead. Not my Bella, no my _wife_. I throw the newspaper across the room, before deciding to trash the room, hurling the coffee table out the window and throwing the couch at the wall, leaving a gaping mess. I continue even when Carlisle comes downstairs shouting at the chaos.

"Edward?" he rushes in front of me, putting a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"She's dead," I sob tearlessly.

He hugs me, "Who?"

"She's dead," I whisper over and over again

_I wonder who he is talking about_

"I'm talking about _her_. My wife," I say

Carlisle is quiet for a few minutes, "your wife? Your married?"

"I was," I say

"Edward, I'm so sorry. Was she in that train crash?" he asks

I nod my head, "She was coming home to me," I say

"Would you like to pick up your possessions and then go by her grave?" he asks

I look up at him, "Her grave? She won't be there will she?" I ask

He shakes his head, "It's highly unlikely,"

I nod my head

_Please hunt well before we leave, the human blood might tempt you_

I nod my head before running outside. After draining multiple mountain lions and deer I head back inside.

_Shall we go?_

I nod my head before heading out to my old home. It's already late afternoon and there aren't many people around, either they are already ill or fighting to stay healthy indoors, but I am too preoccupied in my thoughts of Bella to be sidetracked by blood.

I break my father's safe digging out some money and entrusting Carlisle to look after it. I grab some more jewels and the papers for the house.

"Would you mind waiting here while I go to my room at the back?" I ask Carlisle when we reach the bottom of the stairs. It's not that I had anything against him, but my room was Bella's and my sanctuary while she was staying with us. I want to able to savour everything about Bella and I before my human memories fade, because I didn't want to forget her or any of the time we spent together.

_Take your time son, I will be here_

I make my way to the back house enjoying the smell of freesia and strawberries, it reminds me of her. Slowly walking into my room, flashes hit me.

"_I'm not leaving you,"  
_"_Well, I don't share Isabella,"  
_"_I'm not asking you to,"  
_"_Then what? What do you want?"  
_"_YOU," _

Her laugh  
"_Don't be upset because you aren't Romeo, Edward," she laughs  
_"_I'm much better than Romeo, I'm the real thing,"  
_"_Edward, I don't care where we get married, but I want to be Mrs. Edward Anthony Masen, and that's all that matters,"_

Her laying in the bed, with both us tangled in the sheets.  
"_How are you?"  
_"_Very good, and you?"  
__I smile, "I'm very good, Mrs. Masen,"  
_"_Oh my God, we're married," she squeals, before kissing me.  
_"_No regrets?"  
_"_None," she smiles beautifully.  
__  
As soon as I close the door she captures my lips, both of us pulling away breathless.  
_"_I'm going to miss these spontaneous attacks," I grin crookedly  
_"_Me too," she grins as well  
_"_Now, I think I left the book in my bedroom," I say  
_"_Is that an invitation?" she asks  
_"_Get your mind out of the brothel Mrs. Masen, we don't have enough time for that, I thought this morning was good," I say teasingly  
_"_This morning was great, it's not my fault my husband is so handsome that I feel the need to ravish him constantly," she smiles back_

I grab the box of letters and photographs, as well as some other bits and pieces and leave the room. I head over to the piano room, as Bella had dubbed it and once again I relish in the times we spent together.

_Edward, do you see what this is?" she asks gesturing to her left hand, "this is my answer, of course I'll be your wife, I want to live the rest of my life with you as your wife and the mother of your children,"_

I take a seat at the piano and touch the keys lightly.

"_Will you play my song for me?" she asks  
_"_Do you remember what happened the last time I played it for you?"  
"Yes, you asked me to marry you, I'll never forget this song,"  
_"_As long as I don't forget you, I won't forget the song," I say_

I play her song _"I wrote that song for you, because of you, the song is you,"_ thinking of all the times we spent together; at the meadow, the dance, our birthdays, our wedding and being with her in general. _"Marry me," I say looking into her big chocolate orbs_.

The song comes to an end with the last note echoing throughout the room. I grab my things and just as I close the door, I hear her voice as if she was standing next to me _I love you Edward_. I close my eyes revelling in her words before taking a deep breath and heading back to Carlisle.

We walk silently to the cemetery, and I am so caught up in my thoughts that I notice we are at the church where Bella and I married.

"Why are we here?" I ask looking around

"They ran out of space at the main cemetery once the second wave of influenza hit. They have placed the rest of the graves here, including those from the train accident. Carlisle waits by the church while I scan the headstones in my quick running to find _hers_. I run around stopping when I read _Charlie Henry Swan_, then _Renee Sarah Swan_. I come to a complete stop not wanting to go further, not wanting to accept the reality. I take a deep unnecessary breath, and even though she's not here, it smells like her.

I take a step forward and as soon as I see _Isabella Marie Swan_ I collapse to the ground and start to sob. I shake my head, no. I run my hands over the headstone, shaking my head. We were truly like the real Romeo and Juliet. I sit by her grave talking to her about how much I loved her and how much I missed her and that a day won't go by that I won't think about her, whilst clutching my wedding ring in my other hand. I raise my hand to trace the outlines of her name when I realise there is a small plaque. I lift it up and read it

_"Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
I am not there; I do not sleep.  
I am a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the diamond glints on snow,  
I am the sun on ripened grain,  
I am the gentle autumn rain.  
When you awaken in the morning's hush  
I am the swift uplifting rush  
Of quiet birds in circled flight.  
I am the soft stars that shine at night.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there; I did not die."  
__Mary Frye_

I read the poem over and over again, trying to deduce why it would be there, but I come up drawing a blank. It does however symbolize Bella; to me, she would be everywhere. I push the plaque into the stone, permanently embedding it so that no one would steal it before kissing her headstone and standing up. I glance at it once more before moving on, however, my eyes catch the attentions very unsettling and surprising.

The headstone of _Edward Anthony Masen_ is situated next to that of Bella's. It's not only the fateful placing of my 'grave' next to hers, but it's also the inscription that has me caught off guard._ Beloved son and husband. Quos amor verus tenuit, tenebit._ Who would write that? Everyone that knew I was married is dead, and the Latin…what did it mean? It was a thing that Bella and I did, trying to show off our knowledge by writing expressions of love in Latin…who would have chosen such an appropriate headstone? I read it over again, _those whom true love has held, it will go on holding_. _Of course_, the priest that married Bella and I. He knew who I was because I had introduced myself whilst getting the wedding preparations underway _and_ he even commented at the wedding that he hadn't seen a more in love couple in a long time. I wonder why Bella's didn't say beloved wife? Probably because the priest hadn't overseen the making of the gravestones of the train people, he must not have put two and two together. I look at my parents grave, furrowing my eyebrows when I see flowers in front of their graves, but I assume it's from Carlisle. I kiss my mum's headstone and my dad's before leaving.

Trudging slowly towards the church where Carlisle is patiently waiting for me. The closer I get another memory hits me. We had just been married and exited the church when Bella starts giggling.

"_What's going in that mind of yours now?" I ask  
_"_We're married," she smiles, and I lift her up. She bends her legs behind, while holding her arms around my neck as I spin her around.  
__She kisses me, keeping her arms around my neck, as I hold her waist_

I smile fondly thinking how I never wanted to let her go, but now, the only way I can hold her is by holding onto the past and everything she was. I could hold onto her memory, my ring and her love, but I could never have her in my arms.

"Thankyou," I say to Carlisle once I reach him and give him a hug

He shakes his head and pats my back, "You don't need to thank me,"

"Are we staying here?" I ask

"I think we should move on, we don't need to right away, but soon,"

"No, now is good," I say

**A/N: Ok, so there we have it, Edward finds out Bella is 'dead' and meets, so both have seen the graves. I think this is going to be the last heartbreakingly sad chapter for a while; I have had many people telling me that they've cried, so maybe some happy times ahead? What do you think? Giving props to tamyyiia for telling me to incorporate their graves somehow! Well, as usual, let me know suggestions/ideas or what you thought of the chapter! The next update will be in a week, sorry, but I hope it won't disappoint. Thanks… **


	14. If you want me to

**A/N: First of all SO SORRY for the late update. For those that have reviewed will know that I went away and stayed longer than I expected with no Internet access to be able to update. This chapter is hence a little longer than usual just as a way of apology by me. Also, because you guys have been SO FANTASTIC and in hope that I get a significant number of reviews, I will be updating tomorrow or the next day at the latest…so REVIEW!!! Anyways, the chapter name comes from the song If You Want Me To by Ginny Owens. For now, on with the story…**

EPOV

Three years.

That's how long it's been since I last saw her, since I last held her in my arms and since the last time I told her that I loved her.

Three years.

That's how long it's been since my world came crashing down, since I stood in front of her grave and since I said goodbye to the love of my life.

I have suffered for three years without my Bella by my side and with the knowledge that I'm never going to see her again. Not a day has gone by that I don't think of her…excessively, but each day, as excruciating as it is, I always bring myself back to the reality that she's gone. I don't have the heart to even wear my wedding ring on my finger knowing that she isn't wearing hers, but I still need to be close to her, so my vow to her hangs from my neck on the chain that she gave me.

We had moved straight to St. Paul, Minnesota after Carlisle tied up all the loose ends with the hospital in Chicago. He explained to me that for us to fit in with the humans we must still go out during the day, hence the reason for going to cloudy and wet places. Carlisle of course got a job almost immediately at a hospital, while I spend my days testing my control, reading and playing piano.

I used to play her song on repeat, over and over again relishing in the beauty of a song that is _her_. It was about two years ago that I could begin to mention her aloud.

_He's playing it again_ thought Carlisle walking down the path leading to the porch. I had gotten used to reading people's minds quite quickly, even succeeding in reading a large crowd of people at one time.

"Hello Edward," said Carlisle

"Hello, I'm sorry you must be bored of this song already," I said reluctantly finishing _her _lullaby and morphing the notes into another piece

"No, of course not, I really enjoy that song, and whatever helps you remember her," he said putting his medical bag on the armchair.

"It's her song; I wrote it for her," I say, finally opening up to the man who has basically been a father figure to me for the past year, even though the rest of the human world believes that we are 'cousins'. I hadn't been able to tell Carlisle anything about Bella, he didn't even know her name, all he knows is that I am—_was_—married to a girl killed in a train accident. But I am so lucky for Carlisle, he doesn't push me to tell him what's bothering me, even when I am consumed with pain over her death and I shut down. Not once has he regretted changing me so that he wouldn't have to deal with me and my mood swings and not once has he questioned my behaviour when I just need to escape everyone, and for that I am thankful.

"I can tell that you love her very much," he said softly

"Will it ever go away? My heart yearns for her day in and day out, but there is no relief in sight, how do I make it stop?" I asked abandoning the keys and begging him to help me

"Edward," sighed Carlisle compassionately

"I don't want to forget her, I just want the pain of losing her to just…disappear," I said

"Edward, we never forget those that have touched our hearts in such a profound way," he said

"But it's not fair. We were meant to have started our lives together, we are meant to be together…she's _meant_ to be here with me,"

"Edward, your wife wouldn't want you agonising over her death, she would have wanted you to try and move on, and as difficult as it is, you can't spend eternity wallowing over it, at some point you have to move on,"

"When will that be?" I asked twirling my ring between my fingers

"Edward, you will never forget her and it is safe to say that you will always love her, but eventually there will come a day where you won't be angry at the world and where you won't be torn up that she's gone. It may be tomorrow or in a couple of months or in a few years, but it will happen, it will hit you all of a sudden that she really isn't coming back and that you need to move on with your life without her,"

"How can I live a life, an _eternity_ without her?"

"I'm sorry Edward, only time will help,"

"Thank you Carlisle. I'm sorry I haven't told you about her, but I _need_ her to stay in my mind, I _need_ to remember every moment I spent with her, because I know that as soon as I tell someone about her, it will feel like I'm reading a story and it will all be gone,"

"You do whatever you have to do, but remember Edward, it _will_ get better,"

"I know,"

After that talk, I managed to be more productive with my days. Rather than lying in bed thinking about her and playing out that year with her in my mind like a movie, I managed to read all of the books in Carlisle's library, and even started to read the medical journals he had. I'm still not ready to go to school, but I know that the next time we move, I will be a high school student. I still think about Bella, but the grief of losing her isn't as strong as it once was, and Carlisle was right, time is making it better.

Having lived with Carlisle for three years, I am now able to recognise his footsteps, he's now only a mile from home. We have talked numerous times of why he changed me, and I can understand the loneliness he must have gone through for the past two hundred and so years. I have listened for hours on end about the past and his adventures with the Volturi and travelling around the world. It is absolutely fascinating knowing that all the history books that I had to read for school, he had experienced first hand, and when I think about it, I am experiencing events that will one day be written in history books.

"Good afternoon Edward,"

"Hello Carlisle," I say looking up from today's newspaper

"Have you been hunting today?" he asks

"Yes, I only just came back a little while ago. I could still come with you if you would like," I say

He waves his hand, "No worries, I'll be back in an hour,"

I continue reading the newspaper until I hear Carlisle's mind in a frantic mess only fifteen minutes later.

_Please survive. Come on keep beating. She has to live. She has to survive. Her breathing is shallow. I don't think I can save her. There's so much blood. Don't think about that, think about her. _

What on Earth is he talking about? And that's when I smell it…human blood. I leap out of my chair ready to fly out of the back door when Carlisle comes bustling in carrying a woman.

"What is going on Carlisle?" I ask taking in the scene before me

"Edward. I have to save her. I have to," he says looking at me after he places the woman on the couch

"What do you mean _save her_? Are you going to change her?" I ask

"I _have_ to change her," he says and a whole flash of images runs through his mind. A girl maybe eight years old has fallen out of her tree and is visiting the hospital and Carlisle is the doctor. The girl is very pretty, a heart shaped face with soft hazel eyes. Although she has a broken leg, she still manages to smile and blush as the good doctor fixes her up.

"Edward. You should leave the room," he says and I realise I hadn't been tempted to attack her, too focused on the situation.

I quickly run out of the house, not wanting to be there for the excruciating change. I decide to attack, having the temptation of that woman's blood creep up on me. I slay a couple of deer's before heading back.

I walk into the room, where I can hear the woman screaming and Carlisle holding onto her hand and apologising over and over again.

"She's the girl?" I ask

He merely nods.

"What happened to her?"

"She jumped off the cliff,"

"She _what_?"

"I was out hunting and all of a sudden I heard sobs and then a few seconds later a crunch. I rushed over to where I heard the sounds to find her at the bottom. I pushed her hair back and noticed the same eyes from the little girl I treated over a decade ago. I just had to save her,"

"Carlisle, what do you want to do with her when she wakes up?"

"She will have the choice to stay with us or leave,"

"Are you expecting her to be your mate?" I ask

"I'm not expecting her to be anything,"

"You're just hoping,"

"Edward, don't ask me why, but I felt a pull to her when I was treating her as a girl, and I felt my heart shatter when I saw her at the bottom of the cliff, I can't explain it, but I just know I needed to save her,"

"Carlisle, it is up to you what you choose to do,"

"But you don't approve?"

"It's not that I don't approve, it's just that who are you to decide who lives or dies?"

"Edward, I have never asked you, but do you regret me changing you?"

I pause for a second. I hadn't expected that from him. Do I regret it?

"There are both advantages and disadvantages, but I can't say that I don't resent you sometimes in my darkest hours for not letting me join her, but then again, neither you nor I knew she was gone…you didn't even know she existed,"

"I'm sorry," he says looking absolutely torn.

"There is no need to apologise, I just hope that she is everything you need her to be,"

"I hope so too,"

Esme, as we learnt her name, was everything that Carlisle could have asked for and more. After about five months, they had both declared their love for each other. I had grown to love her almost immediately, she reminds me so much of my mother; so loving and considerate. So many times when Carlisle was at work and I was in my room thinking about Bella and looking through her letters Esme would come upstairs to make sure I was all right. We had bonded over lost loves, me over my wife and she over her baby boy. I hadn't told her much, only that I was married, that she left and then that she died. She, like Carlisle, has never pressed me for details, probably hoping that I will come to them.

Lately however, I can't think of Bella without getting angry. It's like there is a bubble rumbling in my chest and I feel like I'm going to burst. I have been short with both Esme and Carlisle and the simplest of actions can set me off. I've been trying to distance myself from them, knowing that they haven't done anything wrong.

"Why don't you play the piano?" asks Esme, coming into the room

"I don't feel like playing," I say without moving from my spot on the armchair, continuing to stare into space and not thinking of anything

"You haven't played for a while, I miss it," she says

"I said, I don't feel like it," I grit out. I can't help but feel annoyed and anger over the simple request.

"Edward…" I hear Carlisle warn

"What?"

He appears in the room in a flash, "What's going on?"

"I don't feel like playing the piano, I'm not here for your entertainment," I retort

"I don't mean only now, you've been short with the both of us for the past few weeks,"

"You aren't my parents to dictate how I act," I say shortly

"We're not trying to act like your parents Edward," soothes Esme

"I'm not a child, don't patronise me," I yell

"You might not be a child, but you are acting like one, what would your wife say if she saw you like this?" asks Carlisle

"MY WIFE? DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HER, SHE _LEFT_ ME,"

"Edward, she didn't _leave_ you, she passed away," says Esme softly

"NO, she left me. She left me waiting for her in Chicago never to return and now she's left me here on Earth. She left me here by myself and now I have to be surrounded by the two of you falling in love when I'm meant to have her here with me,"

"Edward, there's nothing you could have done," says Carlisle

"I know, but now I'm subjected to this lifestyle without her, living off _animals_. Seriously Carlisle…_animals_? We're vampires, we're meant to drink blood…HUMAN blood,"

"Edward, we're not your parents, we are, I hope, in a way your family, but we're not keeping you here against your will. It is your prerogative to live and live off whatever you choose,"

"So I can leave?"

"It was always your choice," he says

"I need to think about this," I say and run out of the house. I can still hear their minds, but I need total silence in order to choose.

What's the point in staying here? It's not like Bella is here to disapprove of my actions. It's not like she will be hurt or even know what I choose. What's the point in trying to please her when she's made me miserable by leaving me? How dare Carlisle bring her up? He has no right, he didn't even know her! And how dare he instil in me a diet that goes against the grain of my nature. I decide then and there that I need to embrace who I am and be the monster that I am. I run back into the house to find Carlisle and Esme talking too lowly for me to hear, but I can pick up on their internal monologues. I feel so bad that I have caused them pain, especially Esme, but I can't keep living the life that I have been, this isn't me.

"I'm sorry, but I can't stay here," I announce when I walk into the room

"Do you want us to move to another place?" asks Esme

"No, I need to be alone. I need to be…_me_," I say, hoping they realise what I'm alluding to

"It is your choice son, we only hope you come back to us and visit, we are always happy to have you," says Carlisle patting my shoulder

"I'm sorry Edward," says Esme hugging me tightly

_It's all my fault. If I hadn't of pushed him. Maybe if I had let him be, then he wouldn't be leaving. Hopefully Carlisle forgives me and of course Edward_

"There's nothing to forgive, this is something I need to do for myself, I'm sick of being someone who I'm not. I'm not human anymore, and I'm not married," I say

"Goodbye Edward, but remember what I told you, one day you will realise that you can live and move on with your life without her," says Carlisle

I nod at him and start running. I don't bother taking anything with me, there's no point in changing clothes or taking money when I'll be living in the shadows.

BPOV

Four years. I can't believe it's been four years. I'm sad to say that I haven't settled somewhere. Although I have bought a couple of houses, one in Tennessee and the other in Seattle, I don't bother living there, deciding only to store the growing book collection, and inconsequential items that I don't want to part with; like the blue gown I wore to my birthday.

I don't feel like living alone for the time being and so I've been moving around all of America. It hasn't taken me too long to build up a resistance to human blood. At first it was so easy because I was so distraught over losing Edward that I didn't even bother feeding sometimes, but now I can consciously walk around a group of people without being too tempted to drink their blood.

I've been back to Chicago a few times; for Edward's birthday, for our wedding anniversary and the day of his death, but other than visiting the tombstones of him and my family, I don't bother lingering around the city; too scared that someone will recognize me and too afraid of the memories it will conjure up.

I've met a couple of nomad vampires that are curious as to my diet of animals, but none have been able to break free from the lure of human blood. It doesn't really bother me, but I do miss having people to talk to. I manage to venture into towns sometimes and talk with some humans, but because I don't stay in the cities, I don't bother to make friends.

Here I am though in Minnesota. It's a very cold day today and I'm walking down the streets of Saint Paul looking for a bookstore when I pick up the scent of another vampire. I continue walking towards the scent only to stop in front of…a hospital? Oh my goodness, a vampire might be in there killing humans, how else could one survive being around all that blood. I rush into the building willing myself not to attack anyone, and follow the scent. The scent is everywhere, is this vampire suicidal? The Volturi would definitely hear about a whole hospital mysteriously dying. I rush through the corridors looking like I'm crazy when I stop in front of an office door where the scent is most potent. _Dr. Carlisle Cullen_. Hopefully the vampire hasn't started with him. I knock on the door out of habit, but there is no answer. From what I can hear, there is no movement behind the door, not even the thumping of a human heart. I slowly open the door and enter the office only to find it empty. Huh, that's strange.

I leave the hospital and start walking back where the shops are when I turn into someone. As soon as I touch them their scent washes over me.

"Hello," says a blonde haired man. I recognize his scent as the one from the hospital, although he has warm topaz eyes.

"Hi," I say warily

"I'm Carlisle Cullen," he says and I look at him in disbelief, there is _n_oway that this man is a doctor, he's a vampire for Christ's sake.

"You're Carlisle Cullen? As in _Doctor_ Carlisle Cullen?" I ask

He realizes my skepticism and chuckles, "I can explain more at my house,"

"Your house? Who's there?" I ask cautiously

He smiles at me, "Just me and…Esme," he says

"Who's Esme?" I ask

"I can explain more when we get there,"

"Alright, lead the way,"

We retreat back to the forest and run freely until we reach a secluded house. I tread slowly as we reach the backdoors where a middle-aged woman is standing. As soon as she spots me she smiles brightly.

"Hello dear, I'm Esme," she says giving me a hug

I hug her back a little awkwardly, "I'm Isabella, but I prefer Bella,"

"It's wonderful to meet you dear, come inside,"

I follow Carlisle and Esme into their home and stand awkwardly in the living room. I look around and notice that it's decorated very nicely, with two couches; two arm chairs and a large piano.

"You have a beautiful home," I comment

"Thank you. May we ask what brings you here?" asks Carlisle

"Nothing. I'm simply wandering around America," I smile, "So you really are Carlisle Cullen?"

"Yes, I am,"

"But you're a doctor!" I exclaim

"Believe me, it has taken me a long time to reach this point, but I want to help people and this is how I can do it,"

"And the blood doesn't bother you?"

"I've learnt to work past it. Speaking of living habits, how did you choose to survive off animal blood?"

I smile wistfully remembering Balthazar and Joshua, "From the vampires that changed me," I say

"You know more people that drink animal blood?" he asks surprised

"No, Balthazar and Joshua found a quack…in…Chicago—" I say trailing off, "Did you live in Chicago?" I ask abruptly

"Yes. Balthazar and Joshua changed you?" he asks

I nod and then smile brightly, "You're the quack?" I say and then clamp a hand over my mouth, "I didn't mean it like that," I say

Both Carlisle and Esme laugh at me and I know had I been human I would be redder than a tomato.

"I'm guessing they were Balthazar's words?" he asks

I nod, still bashful from my words

"He didn't seem very reserved when I met him," smiles Carlisle

"Well, I think in a way I need to thank you," I smile

"We all have our choices," he says sadly. I nod my head slowly not sure of what he means.

"So where did they meet you?"

"Just outside of Indianapolis. They stayed with me during the change and then when I woke up they explained to me everything. However, their eyes were different, Balthazar had bright red eyes from drinking my blood, but Joshua had pink-ish eyes, and he explained to me that the colour of our eyes were linked to our diet. They had both tried to hunt on animals, but in the end, they couldn't go against the pull that human blood had on them,"

Carlisle looks surprised by my news, "They tried hunting animals?"

I laugh at the image of Balthazar hunting animals, "If you can believe it, however, Balthazar didn't hold back in trying to persuade me that my body longed for the blood of a human and not a fluffy animal,"

Carlisle smiles and shakes his head, "Well, each to their own. So you have been alone? For how long?"

"I was changed maybe four years ago now, but I basically travel around America, there's no point in settling down somewhere by myself just yet,"

"You're welcome here as long as you want," says Esme brightly

"Thank you very much but I don't want to intrude on you two," I say

Esme waves her hand dismissively, "Nonsense darling, it will be great to have some company again while Carlisle is at the hospital,"

"I don't want to be rude, but don't you have any friends that you visit around here?"

"I'm actually from here. I haven't been into town for the past year," she starts and continues to tell me about how she met Carlisle when she was a girl and about her abusive husband and how she had run away from him, but the pain of losing her baby was too much to handle, "I'm just lucky that Carlisle was there,"

"I'm sorry for your loss," I say

"It's alright dear, there's nothing that can be done now," she smiles sadly

"Well, I guess it's fate that brought you two together, I can't believe you two knew each other from more than a decade ago," I say in awe

They stare at each other so lovingly that I look away, feeling as if I'm intruding on a private moment.

"So, if you changed Esme, who changed you?" I ask

At this, Carlisle begins to recount his life in England, moving on to how he was changed during a vampire raid gone wrong and then his life with the Volturi and how he managed to resist human blood to the point of being able to work in a hospital.

"So is Esme the first person you changed?" I ask

"No, I actually changed Edward a few years ago," says Carlisle and the name cuts through me like a knife, "However, he has decided to follow the path of a 'normal' vampire," he says and I can hear the sadness in his tone. I feel bad for causing it and quickly console them, forgetting all about _my_ Edward.

"I'm sure it's just a phase and that he'll come back," I say

"We hope so too Bella," says Esme

**A/N: I hope you guys all liked the chapter. I know that it's still in the past, but don't expect Forks present time to be back for a few chapters. So what did you guys think? As usual, anyone have any suggestions/ideas/anything they would like to see happen? I have had many people review with ideas and some are absolutely fantastic and I love hearing what you guys think.  
So, what do you think will happen next? Thanks for reading, and please review!!**


	15. Iris

**A/N: READ THIS!!!!  
First of all I would like to say a massive apology to all of my readers that are in love with this story or just simply like reading it. I know I said that I would update more frequently and then basically fell off the face of the earth. If you have been reading my profile you might have seen my notes and basically there is no big excuse as to why I haven't updated; a holiday, a broken laptop (twice), a lot of writer's block, but I didn't want to say this in the form of a chapter in the fear of getting people's hopes up when they see the alert. **

**Anyways, what I can say is sorry once more, I won't be saying **_**when**_** I will update but with uni beginning shortly, I plan to finish this story very soon so that I can focus on studying. **

**I would also like to say THANKYOU to everyone that reviewed and I am hoping you all review this chapter too, I don't know how many of you are still interested in this story and I would like to know…**

**The chapter name comes from the Goo Goo Dolls song Iris. So, without any further ado, the next chapter…**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
_"_So is Esme the first person you changed?" I ask  
_"_No, I actually changed Edward a few years ago," says Carlisle and the name cuts through me like a knife, "However, he has decided to follow the path of a 'normal' vampire," he says and I can hear the sadness in his tone. I feel bad for causing it and quickly console them, forgetting all about __my__ Edward.  
_"_I'm sure it's just a phase and that he'll come back," I say  
_"_We hope so too Bella," says Esme_

BPOV

Feeling bad that Esme hasn't left the house, other than for hunting, and being comfortable that she can handle the move, the three of us pack up and move to Casper, Wyoming. Both Esme and Carlisle have left a note in the house in Minnesota in the hopes that Edward will come back only to find them gone.

In the last two years that I have been with Carlisle and Esme, I have realized that Esme, the eternal mother figure, still clings onto the hope that her son will return home soon. Other than the initial mention that Carlisle had changed Edward, it was almost as if his name was taboo. I didn't dare mention him or even try and conjure up some memories of him with Esme and Carlisle in fear that I would say the wrong thing or simply cause them more pain by the mentioning of his departure. Although, I do have to admit that I couldn't bring myself to say his name even if we weren't talking about the same person.

Esme and I had had numerous conversations over the years while Carlisle was working at the hospital and she quickly became the mother that I had always wanted. Of course, Renee wasn't in any way a _bad_ mother per se, she was just never one for much affection or attention to me; too busy caught up in her image and her extra marital affairs to really be concerned. Esme on the other hand asked me to tell her everything I could since I was basically born up until that point. I didn't however go into details about the most important person of my life, the man I gave everything to, it's too painful even now to think of how happy and carefree we were and now torn apart for eternity. Esme had tried to reassure me by telling me that I will find another to love, but I told her that I had experienced the greatest love anyone could have and nothing can or ever will compare to it. She had asked me why I hadn't given in to changing him, and when I explained that he died, I could see the unshed tears in her pained face. After noticing how hard it was to talk about my human life with _him_, neither Esme nor Carlisle ever brought it up again.

Carlisle has however, been obsessed with trying to determine whether I have a power. Even though I have told him on numerous occasions that if I had a power it would have been obvious by now, Carlisle still holds firmly onto the belief that I have brought over some trait from my human life but that I still hadn't noticed it yet.

Although I have absolutely loved living with Esme and Carlisle, I am starting to feel as if my life with them is coming to a close. It's not that I don't enjoy spending time with them, they are like my parents, I just feel like it's time for me to explore the world. Yesterday Carlisle had asked Esme to marry him and of course she accepted, and this acted as my sign that they should have some time to themselves as a couple.

"Well, that's the all my things," I say holding the packed bag. Although I arrived with a small bag holding my special box and a change of clothes, I leave Esme and Carlisle with three bags packed to the brim.

"I wish you didn't feel as if you have to leave," says Carlisle

"Really Bella, you don't have to leave on the account of us, just because we're getting married doesn't mean we don't want you around, we love you as if you were our daughter," exclaims Esme rushing over to hug me

"It's not that…well maybe a little," I smile, "No, it's time. I didn't even expect to stay as long as I have when I arrived in Minnesota, I was looking for a bookshop when I found a vampire doctor," I laugh while they join me

"We're going to miss your wit," says Carlisle giving me a hug, "and Esme is right you are not intruding being here with us, you are our family,"

"I know, I feel the same about you both, but I can't explain it, I feel like exploring and seeing the world while I'm young,"

They both laugh.

"You understand what I mean,"

"So where are you heading first?"

"I think I'm going to Europe first," I say and hold up a hand to Carlisle, "and before you warn me, I have no intention to go near Volterra,"

Carlisle relaxes and smiles sheepishly.

"Well, it's been an absolute pleasure having you here Bella," says Carlisle giving me another tight hug

"I'm going to miss you so much, you are like a daughter to me," says Esme sobbing. I hug her tightly.

"We can definitely keep in touch, send letters to this address," I say writing on the paper the address of the house in Seattle, "I might be delayed in replying because I'll be travelling but send me a letter whenever you move and I'll send the letter back there,"

"You must visit soon," says Esme firmly.

I smile at her and pick up my suitcases, "I will keep in touch, I promise," I say and with one last wave I start running for my house in Seattle to store my books and clothes that I have accumulated in the last couple of years.

I arrive at the house in a few hours and tentatively enter the abandoned house. I open all the windows, deciding to air out the house that I haven't entered in over three years. I clean it up, and store my books and clothes in suitable places. I sit down in the living room on my floor and open up the bag that follows me everywhere. Grabbing the box, I pull it out and rest it on the floorboards. I stare at it before slowly opening the lid and revealing the papers that I cherish more than life. I flip through the pictures for what seems like the millionth time and stroke the face of my husband. I undo my chain and put on my rings trying to transport myself to the happiness of Chicago 1918. I lie down on the wooden floor and begin to read the beautiful letters that he wrote me, before flicking through the cover of Romeo and Juliet. How can someone so perfect be taken away from me so quickly? I go through all the pieces of the box once more before placing them carefully in the box.

I flit through the house, closing and locking all the windows before leaving my house with my bag in tow once more before heading to the docks to catch a boat to England.

EPOV

I stalk around the shadows, around the dark corner where I can hear him. He's whistling to himself in the dark night. How can he be happy when he's stalking the streets for an innocent young girl to defile?

_Come out come out wherever you are_. He thinks before chuckling. _Where is the next lucky girl? I need to hurry before I have to get home or else Ma will start to worry_

The man lives with his _mother_ and yet he stalks girls during the night coming home from work? If only his dear mother knew _why_ her son might be late, she definitely wouldn't be worrying then. I'm cut out of my musings when I hear the man exclaim

_Gotch'ya_

"Hello, are you lost?" he asks the girl who is probably only fifteen or so years old. What she is doing out so late is beyond me.

"No, my father was meant to send his car to pick me up but he must have forgotten," she says in a small voice beginning to retreat as she sense the danger she is in.

"Would you like me to walk you home?" he asks

"It's alright, I wouldn't want to trouble you," she says sensing the danger this man poses

"It wouldn't be any trouble to escort a pretty thing like you home," he says and strokes her cheek with his dirty finger causing her to flinch

"Is there a problem here?" I ask

The man straightens up, while the girl cowers believing me to be his accomplice.

"No, not at all, I was just going to escort my sister home," says the dirty sleaze bag

"Your sister?" I ask with a raised eyebrow

"Yes, come on Samantha," he says grabbing her arm roughly, "You can leave now," he says to me in what he probably thinks is a menacing tone. Ah…if only he know who the dangerous one is

"So your name is Samantha?" I ask the girl

She has a few tears in her eyes but she shakes her head.

"I didn't think so. Now, why don't you let her go so she doesn't have to watch me deal with you?"

He laughs, _Who is this guy kidding? He thinks he can hurt me? What a joke!_

"I believe I can do more than just hurt you, so listen carefully—let her go," I say lowly

_This idiot wants to fight me? Deal with him then the girl_.

The man pushes the girl behind him, trapping her between his back and the brick wall, but before he has a chance to step forward, I punch him in the face, causing him to trip on his feet and fall back. The girl shrieks.

"Run," I say to her and she doesn't have to be told twice as she sprints down the street

"Now, where were we?" I ask. "That's right, I was teaching you a lesson," I say before kicking him while he's down

"Now, how does it feel to be the defenseless one?" I say between kicks

"Please, stop," he says

"I bet that many girls pleaded for you to stop, didn't they?" I ask kicking him again

"No, no, I didn't hurt anyone," he groans

"Ughh, I can't listen to any more of you, you make me sick," I say before launching at his throat. Moments later I have sucked him dry and disposed of his body.

This is my new life. Even though I am embracing my true nature, I haven't fully succumbed to the monster that I can be; only those that truly deserve it suffer at my hand. Having the advantages that I do, it makes it easy to spot those that truly deserve the fate that I am able to provide.

The years have blurred into each other and before I know it, three years have passed since I have left Carlisle and Esme. I rub my hands over my face before walking onto the main road with my hands in my pockets. This isn't how I expected it to go, I've never been more miserable in my life, could Carlisle have been right? Living as a true vampire on your own only makes you depressed? I laugh at the thought of the lonely, depressed vampire walking the streets of New York. Ha! Has ever a sight been seen?

I continue walking and notice a woman on the ground picking up the items that have fallen from her handbag.

_God, I'm such a klutz_

I walk over to her, "Do you need some help?" I ask

She recoils slightly from my red eyes, but I start helping her regardless of her answer

"Thanks…" she says

"Edward," I cut in

"I'm Gabriella," she says holding out a hand with a slight smile on her face

I take it, "Sorry, it's freezing out here," I say by way of excuse for my cold hand

"It's ok," she says, "Are you ok?" she asks

_He looks very sad and alone. Maybe people don't talk to him because of his red eyes._

"Why wouldn't I be?" I say trying to divert her inner monologue.

"You just seem very sad," she smiles sympathetically

"Bella, there you are," says a man walking towards her. The name cuts through me, but I know there is no way that this is my Bella.

"Good evening," says the man. Although he seems polite he still examines me to make sure I pose no threat to the woman.

"Good evening, I was just helping her pick up her items that fell," I say

The man chuckles before looking at the woman adoringly, "That's Bella for you, life threateningly clumsy," he says before kissing her temple while she blushes. My vampiric instincts barely register the blood flowing through her cheeks; instead I'm too mesmerized by her alikeness to my Bella.

"It's no problem, I'll leave you both to it," I say nodding my head before stalking off

_I hope that his family can make him happy again…_ is the last thought I hear from her before I walk away

I run out of sight and then sit on the ground in an alleyway. She's right. Carlisle and Esme could be helping me deal with this. God, she reminded me so much of Bella, if it wasn't for the blonde hair and blue eyes, I would have thought she was mine. I run a hand through my hair, Bella wouldn't want me doing this…she wouldn't want me killing people. If she knew how I was spending the last few years of my life, she would be so disappointed, knowing that I'm taking the lives of humans when I know that there is a better alternative. She would be so disgusted if she could see me now, giving in to the monster that I am underneath. I shake my head trying to banish the thoughts of her, no, she can't see me, she's gone and nothing is going to bring her back. And just like that it hits me. Carlisle's words from many years ago come back to me; _it will hit you all of a sudden that she really isn't coming back and that you need to move on with your life without her_. He's right…I need to move on. Who would have thought a human would have given me the strength to move past the guilt that's been haunting me since I chose to hunt humans? I stand up and start running back to my family.

A mere seven hours later and I'm in the woods behind the house, but it's strange, I don't hear anything, no voices, and no thoughts. I pull up to the back doors and open them gingerly. There is no one here, the scents have slowly dissipated and there is only a soft lingering. They must have been gone at least a few years. I laugh humourlessly, I choose to return to and there's no one waiting for me. I wander around the house and notice a note sitting on the piano addressed to…me?

_Edward,_

_First of all, seeing as you are reading this letter, it must mean that you're back to see us for which we are thankful. Unfortunately, we have had to move, Carlisle was getting too old to pull of looking how young he does and I feel too trapped living in the house without venturing outside, knowing the risk was too high of someone spotting me. Enclosed below is our address in Casper, Wyoming, and we hope that you come see us, we miss you terribly and we would love for you to come back to us your family._

_With all of our love, _

_Esme_

I fold the letter and place it in my jacket pocket. My thoughts are in a bit of a jumble, I have been so caught up in my own life that I forgot to realise that life would continue without my presence. Of course Carlisle and Esme would have to move. The surprising, yet gratifying, thing was the letter that they had left. They didn't forget about me, they didn't give up hope on me and they wanted me to come back.

With the close of the door I hunt leaving a trail of dead animals in my wake until I reach Esme and Carlisle's home, not wanting them to see me with my shameful and guilty red eyes. By the time I find their house, my overzealous hunting leaves my eyes almost completely gold, with a touch of burgundy in them.

I unnecessarily take out the paper with the address and read it, checking that i have the correct house. I take a pointless breath of air and approach the door slowly not knowing whether to knock, but before I have the chance to contemplate it more Esme comes rushing to the door.

"Edward, you're back," she says giving me a big hug.

I chuckle at her enthusiasm and hug her tightly.

"Yes, I'm back," I say

"To stay?" she asks tentatively

"If you and Carlisle will have me…" I trail off

"Don't be ridiculous, you're my son, of course you're welcome home," she says hugging me again, "Oh, I've missed you so much,"

"I've missed you too," I say honestly

She leads me back into the house and leads me into the house. On the way to the living room I notice a grand piano perched up by the window.

"I assumed you would be back sometime, so the house should be designed according to the members living here, the piano is for you," she explains when she notices my distraction.

_Hopefully he isn't angry because of the piano; I don't want him to leave again..._

I hear the uncertainty and guilt wrapped in Esme's thoughts; she still blames herself for my leaving.

I hug her tightly again, "It wasn't your fault, stop feeling guilty, I left for me, it had nothing to do with you or Carlisle and I needed to figure things out for myself,"

"And have you figured them out?" Esme asks

I smile slightly, "I think so,"

Esme explains to me that she and Carlisle have only been living in the house for two months and that it was such a nice change from being couped up all day. She begins to mention another vampire that had been living with them for four years and that only recently left.

"We actually acquired a ne family member while you were absent," she says

"A family member? What did you do hoard up a human to entertain you while you were bored?" I chuckle

She swats my arm but smiles slightly, "She was also a vampire and I think she would have been a perfect match for you," Esme smiles wistfully and i can see her imainging me in a tuxedo standing in front of a minister surrounded by flowers and smiling so brightly.

I try to smile but even I know it looks like a grimace,

"I don't think that that's going to ever happen. I have come to terms with the fact that my wife is never coming back, but I have decided that I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand than an eternity without it. As much as I accept it, it doesn't mean that I won't think about her, because she is in every waking thought I have and I will _never _feel for anyone even a _fraction_ of what I feel for her,"

Esme looks like she would be crying if she was human

"Oh Edward, that was beautiful, she must have been an extraordinary girl," she says hugging me again

I nod, "She was one of a kind,"

Esme is still gripping me tightly, and I decide to make a joke to break the charged atmosphere.

"Even though I'm a vampire, it's safe to say that I've lost feeling in my arms,"

She takes a step back and laughs lightly while shaking her head, "I have a few years to catch up on,"

I'm distracted by the thoughts of Carlisle, who I have sensed is only a mile away from home now.

_He's back. Oh, why can't this car go faster..._

"Carlisle's almost home," I say softly

She nods her head, "And he'll be as happy as I am that you're back,"

"Well I can only hope he doesn't hug me as tightly as you do,"

Moments later, Carlisle bounces in with his medical bag.

"Edward, son, your back," he says and hugs me one-handed

"If that's ok with you...both of you..." I say feeling uncertain and like a lost little boy

"What are you talking about Edward? Of course you are welcome here, you always have been, we're both glad that you're back, you are staying of course?"

I clear my throat nervously, "Uhh...yes,"

"Fantastic, your room is exactly as it was in Minnesota, we placed everything as you left it, but if there's a problem or if you want a change let me know," adds Esme

"Has she told you yet that she decorated this house?" asks Carlisle looking proudly done at Esme

_Oh, I can't wait until I marry her_

"You're getting married?" I blurt out and then sheepishly smile

"You didn't tell him?" asks Carlisle looking amused, "I would have thought that would be among the first things you said to him,"

"She was too busy breaking my bones with her hugs," I say, "Well, I think congratulations is in order, and I cannot think of any better for either of you,"

They both smile and we spend the night talking about their plans for the upcoming wedding. Esme explains how good it was to have another girl around the house and that now she is outnumbered again.

After a couple of hours of skirting the issue, Carlisle finally asks about how I have been.

Esme decides to hunt not wanting her presence to deter me from talking openly.

"I've been good," I say vaguely

Carlisle raises an eyebrow at me

Really_ Edward, you're going with 'I've been good'?_

I chuckle at his thoughts, "Well, I don't think it's a secret that I wasn't feeding off animals for the past few years. To be honest, while I was, I felt myself being depressed and isolated the majority of the time. I couldn't find any happiness or humour in anything, I stalked the streets at night looking for anyone intent on committing some sin or crime. I accused you of playing God, changing people on your own whim, but what I did is the same principle only much worse because I took lives _permanently_ and for that I apologise. I'm sorry for mocking the lifestyle that you lead and that I _want_ to lead, I'm sorry for disrespecting you when you let me into your home and I'm sorry for leaving my only family,"

"Edward, truly you must see that you are forgiven by now and that Esme and I see you like a son and that you're welcome here?"

"I'm beginning to," I say

After a few minutes of silence, Carlisle surprised me by asking what made me come back.

"You were right," I begin, "it hit me all of a sudden that she wasn't coming back and that I either had to accept that and move on, or destroy myself by living in denial,"

"I'm glad that your back Edward, you should hunt now," he says while Esme bounds into the room

I start to walk to the back door she came from, when I turn around to face them both, "Thank you, you don't know what this means to me," I say and run out of the room.

**A/N: Have to disclaim that Edward's explanation where he says "i would rather have had one touch..."etc is actually from a movie, City of Angels. Ok everyone, that was the chapter, was it worth the wait? Did you like it, hate it? Let me know and PLEASE REVIEW, I know I don't deserve it that much, but if you like the story and you want me to continue please review, it is such good motivation!!!! Thanks.**


	16. Cannonball

**A/N: Oh my goodness, first of all I cannot begin to apologise with the very, very delayed update, and I know many of you are all waiting so patiently for this chapter, and I want to apologise profusely!!!  
Uni work is kicking my ass repeatedly, so the next update should be HOPEFULLY next Wednesday (in 10 days). I've had a little writers block for this chapter, so hopefully, I've done it justice, I've had to come back to it so many times! Thank you to ALL of you who reviewed, and although I've been so bad with updating, I hope you all continue to be good and review...hopefully you haven't given up on this story!! The chapter title is from the song Cannonball by Damien Rice. Now, PLEASE ENJOY the chapter!!****IMPORTANT:** Many of you asked why Edward didn't see Bella in Esme's mind when she was talking about her being a perfect match for him, and I should have explained that better, I've fixed it up, but she was imagining Edward smiling very brightly on his wedding day, and focusing on his happiness rather than Bella._I start to walk to the back door she came from, when I turn around to face them both, "Thank you, you don't know what this means to me," I say and run out of the room._BPOV

Previously on "Back to you"

I walk into the familiar Seattle room. I had just returned from my year long trip in Europe. To say it wasn't an adventure would be an understatement, I explored it from corner to corner and even in the most breathtaking places, my mind would return to Edward; what he would have thought, what he would have said, what his favourite place was and why.

It was only yesterday when I got off the ship that I saw the newspaper. I bought one from the young boy selling them in the street. I didn't bother reading it, until I walked in moments ago and the letters, _November 9__th__ 1925_, glared at me. I stared at the date unnerved, not knowing whether to be surprised that time was passing or to be saddened that it wasn't passing fast enough.

I thought a lot while I was travelling. Since losing Edward, all I have wanted was to be alone, to wallow in my sadness and to cling on to every single moment that we shared. As Balthazar and Joshua explained to me that human memories faded after a while, I made an effort to recount every single second that we spent together, everything leading up to the train crash. The amount of times I have thought about that year, it feels like it happened yesterday, it's that clear.

I run my hand through my hair, a habit that I had picked up from Edward when we were human, and one that I haven't been able to shake. Of course, I had enjoyed spending time with Esme and Carlisle, and they instilled in me a great sense of belonging, but for some reason, I didn't feel complete, and I know that that would never happen unless Edward miraculously appears by my side. Of course Esme and Carlisle are fantastic people, both genuine and caring, but they are a couple on the verge of getting married, whilst also trying to deal with their own son that had run away, they honestly don't need me around to put a dampener in their happiness. I drop the newspaper on the floor, noticing a letter near it that had fallen through the slot.

I pick it up and notice that it's from Carlisle and Esme. I smile wistfully remembering their promise to write to me. I peel back the folded envelope and take out the letter.

_6__th__ August, 1925_

_Dearest Bella,  
We hope that your trip to Europe was magnificent. We are not sure when you were planning to return, but we do hope that you write to us when you return.  
Esme and I were married a little more than a month ago, and we are sorry that you weren't able to be there. It was a fantastic ceremony, as you can imagine, Esme had everything planned down to the t.  
Further good news, our son has returned home. He actually returned a month or so after you had departed, such bad timing, but you should come visit soon; you haven't met him and it would be a great opportunity for us to see you, I think Esme is itching to have a female around again, and we have a feeling you two would be perfect for each other!  
I must also tell you. As you have probably realised, I took a lot of vested interest in your power, and I know you're probably rolling your eyes thinking 'you mean lack of power' but I have a feeling you are very powerful. Coincidentally, an old friend of mine has moved to Alaska, and he has a talent of sorts in detecting certain powers_ _if you will. He will be able to tell you exactly what you can do, if anything at all. I have sent his coven a letter notifying him of your possible visit to them; his name is Eleazar and they live in Denali. Before you have any hesitations, they are like us in their lifestyle choices. I think this would be a great opportunity for me to prove you right.  
I look forward to hearing from you soon Bella. Esme sends her best and we both hope you come visit us soon, we shall be sure to send a letter at any point for a new address.  
All the best and good luck,  
Carlisle Cullen_I read over the letter trying to organise my thoughts. Firstly, I must congratulate them for their marriage, and of course for the return of their son. I shake my head at his and quite possibly Esme's hope that I pair up with their son. What strikes me most from his letter is the fact that a vampire exists, whose power is to determine other vampire's powers. I smile gratefully that they are in fact _vegetarians_, I don't think I would be very comfortable being surrounded by numerous red-eyed vampires. I read the address and the directions and decide that it won't hurt for me to visit; after all, Carlisle has informed them of my visit, I'm sure they won't see it as me turning up unannounced.  
I fold the letter and place it in my pocket before beginning my usual routine when I return to the house. I air it out, opening all the windows and dusting and mopping the surfaces before sitting down in the living room before opening up the box that never leaves my side. I sigh running my hands over the top of the lid. I had tried, oh how I had tried not to open this box. I had managed two months before I went crazy one day in Poland. I had resigned myself not to open it until I got back to this very house, and I have managed. I have lasted four months, but not without a compromise. Those last four months, where I haven't been able to see Edward's face or read his loving words, I was consoled with the promise that is sitting on my left hand. It was a great feeling being able to walk around with a set of rings on my finger, but I know I can't do that with people around. They'll ask to look at the beautiful rings and then they'll start asking questions about Edward, how we met and where he is, and that is much more painful than not wearing them. I gingerly open the box and smile at the picture taken in the garden, gosh he is so handsome. After sitting there for a while, I pack everything up and close up the house and start making my way to Denali, Alaska.

Hours and hours later, I pick up on the scent of vampires. I start following and eventually see a large house tucked away in the woods, in the similar fashion as Carlisle and Esme's. I slow down my run and walk to the porch of the house and knock on the door softly.  
A beautiful, tanned, well as tanned as you can be when you're a vampire, answers the door.

"Hello, you must be Bella, Carlisle told us you might be coming soon," she says and gestures me into the house, "Oh, how rude of me, I'm Carmen,"

I smile back at her, being in her presence is just peaceful, "Well, I am in fact Bella. Sorry for arriving unannounced,"

"Nonsense, Eleazar has gone hunting with the others, but he should be back within the hour. Well, make yourself at home,"  
I look around the house, and it is much bigger than I thought it was. It was designed with dark timber and stone walls, giving it a perfectly cosy mountain-cabin feel.  
"So, how many of you are there?" I ask

"Well, there's five of us; Kate, Tanya, Irina, Eleazar and myself of course,"

"And you and Eleazar are...together?" I ask

"Yes," she says softly smiling back at me and begins telling me about them all.  
About half an hour later we both pick up on voices a little distance away.  
"They're back, now there's no need to be scared, I know it will be your natural instinct to become defensive when you see four new vampires suddenly around you, but we mean you no harm," she says gently  
I smile back at her thankfully and then look at the back door to see three beautiful women walk in followed by a man.  
"Ahh, you must be Bella," says one of the blonde ones.  
"Yes, that's me,"  
"Wonderful. I'm sure Carmen has divulged the sordid lifestyle we live up here," she says  
"Kate!" admonishes the dark haired woman next to her

"I'm only joking, Bella knows that," she says grinning back at me

Carmen had in fact informed me how the women enjoy the company of human males, which had ultimately led to their decision to feed off animals rather than their sexual toys.  
The dark haired woman shakes her head, "I'm Irina. The tactless girl next to me is my sister Kate, and beside her is Tanya, and of course that is Eleazar and Carmen,"  
"It's nice to meet you all, thank you for agreeing to see me," I say  
"So, what is your power?" asks Tanya

I shrug looking at Eleazar.

He hadn't said anything yet, instead he was leaning against the doorframe where they had entered.  
"I can't pick up on anything," he says eventually

"So I don't have a power? I can't wait to tell Carlisle he was wrong," I smile but a little disappointed that I didn't have one  
"Oh no, you have a power...you're a shield,"

"A shield?" I asked confused  
"I can't get a read off of you, it's as if you're not here,"  
"That is such a cool power," exclaims Kate, "Eleazar can I?"  
"You'll have to ask Bella,"  
"Bella," begins Kate, "I have a power, can I try it on you? If Eleazar is right, it won't hurt at all,"  
"Ummm...sure I guess," I say and watch her walk towards me. She places a hand on my forearm. There's a pause and then she exclaims,  
"Did you feel that?" she asks  
"No, what was I meant to feel?"  
"That is amazing," says Tanya coming closer

"I've never met anyone, mortal or otherwise that was able to withstand that," says Kate  
"Ok, so I'm a shield?" I clarify  
"Yes, my power works by looking into the vampires brain if you will and picking up on the power they have. Since both mental and physical actions would be controlled by the brain, I can read that part of your brain that controls the powers. Since you're a shield, I can't read that part and thus I can't tell you how far your power extends. It is possible that you're simply a mental shield, but it could extend to physical actions,"

"How do I find out the extent of my power?"

"You work with it," says Kate

"Work with it?"

"If you lower the shield, Eleazar could tell you what your power is since you wouldn't be blocking him," explains Carmen

"She could also learn to project it," exclaims Kate

"Project it?" I ask

"Well, my power is basically sending an electric shock throughout your whole body, but it's purely a mental attack. I don't _actually_ shock you; it's like planting the idea in your brain that you are being shocked when in fact nothing physical is happening to you. At first the power would only work in my fingers, but with practice, I have managed to use it whenever you touch any part of my body," says Kate

"We can try projecting your mental shield too and then we can see how far it goes," says Irina

Kate grabs my hand and leads me outside in the back garden, with everyone trailing behind us. For the next hour, they ask me multiple questions about my shield and how it feels. I try as best I can to explain that it feels like an elastic band but that it doesn't want to move around from my head. Kate tries to explain that we can begin with extending the shield to protect more than just me. After trying for the next four hours I finally feel the shield loosen. I focus hard and try to imagine stretching the band to cover Carmen. I open my eyes feeling the band is secured around her and see a blue light circling her. Kate tries to shock her and she doesn't feel anything. The longer I hold it the more tired I get.

"Stop," I manage to get out and the band snaps back into place over my mind. I bend over, my hands resting on my knees.

"Are you ok?" asks Tanya coming up to me placing a hand on my shoulder

"She's done a lot today, how about we pick this up later on?" suggests Eleazar

I nod my head and we all go back inside.

We spend the rest of the night talking about the history of Eleazar and how he was a part of the Volturi, and he explains all the powers he has come across around the world. He has a lot more insight than Carlisle since he was only with them a couple of years before their diet and ruthlessness became too much for him.

After Eleazar finishes telling me about Alec and Jane, one of the most powerful additions to the Volturi, before I decide to try again. I get a better hold of the shield this time, but still am only able to cover one other person. I am a little frustrated, but Kate reassures me that I'm doing fantastically, since I have only just found out about my power and this is the first time I'm working with it.

"Well Bella," says Tanya looping an arm in mine, "are you interested in our lifestyle?"

"Do you mean as a vegetarian, or your..._other_ lifestyle?" I ask hesitantly

"Tanya, leave the poor girl alone, she isn't interested in being a part of incubus myths," chides Carmen

"Sorry, it must be a blonde thing, Kate and Tanya have no tact," smiles Irina before taking off in a run

Kate and Tanya chase her and catch her quickly, playfully leaping on top of her.

"What was that sister dearest?" asks Kate sickly sweet, sitting on top of her legs.

"I think she was insulting us Kate," says Tanya pinning Irina's arms above her head.

"You _think_ I was insulting you?" smiles Irina. I laugh with Eleazar and Carmen, while they shake their heads from side to side.

"You'd think centuries old vampires would be a little better behaved, especially in front of guests," says Carmen

"What do you think her punishment should be Tanya?" asks Kate exaggeratedly

"Well...you could just shock her," says Tanya

"Please don't, it was only a joke," says Irina, worry clearly masking her features

"Hmmm...I don't know, it was a little mean of you," says Kate before she touches her hand to Irina's shoulder. Irina screams out once before she stops abruptly, and I notice the blue light around her.

"Bella, you can't protect her," pouts Tanya

"That's not fair," says Kate looking like a child who just dropped her ice-cream

Irina takes their momentary distraction to get away and comes to me, giving me a big hug.

"Thank you so much," says Irina

I laugh and hug her back, hearing Tanya say, "now we'll have to think of another punishment,"

"Good job Bella," says Eleazar

"Thanks, it was odd, because I didn't consciously stretch it, I just heard her screams and thought of protecting her," I say

"However you did it, I am very grateful, it hurts," says Irina

Kate laughs and we all go back inside the house.

I spend the next five months with them, practicing everyday on my power. I manage to stretch it around the six of us, and discover Kate can still attack people if she is under the shield. Every day I attempt to lift the shield in order to discover the extent of my power, although I am a little wary of finally being able to feel Kate's power.

"Ok Bella, we're going to do it today aren't we?" asks Kate

I nod my head, "Is it going to hurt?" I ask

She looks at me, "I'm not going to lie, but yes, it will,"

I poke my tongue out at her, "savour this moment, it will be the only time it'll happen,"

She scowls at me and nods her head resigned.

I had really enjoyed the last few months here in Denali, absolutely loving spending time with them all, and amazingly growing unbelievably close to them all, in particular Kate, who has been the main instigator in controlling my power.

We stand outside and Eleazar is a few metres away, hoping to figure out my power today; he has been growing insanely curious as to what it could be.

I start focusing on the elastic when I feel it.

"Arghh," I scream and yank my hand away from Kate.

"Are you ok?" asks Kate stepping towards my lying form. I stand up and look at Eleazar.

"Well?"

"Amazing," he says softly, "You're mind is unlike anything I have ever seen,"

"Aww...is Bella a freak?" asks Tanya coming outside

"Far from it, her mind is genius," says Eleazar

"So, are you going to tell us her power?" asks Carmen coming to stand next to him.

"Bella is both a mental and physical shield," he says

"That's amazing, I've never heard of anyone mixing both realms," says Tanya

"She's also able to shield other people," says Eleazar

"We _know_ that," says Irina

"No, she can shield people's actions," he explains

"What?" I ask shocked

"Try focusing on any one of us, and block a sense; sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste," he says

I look at Irina and focus on her eyes, staring intently at her. When all of a sudden, we all hear her exclaim,

"Oh my goodness, I can't see anything,"

I stop my actions and look to Eleazar for an explanation.

"You're power is very intricate. Its sole purpose is to protect _you_, hence the mental and physical defence. The next part of your power is more difficult. As we have seen, it allows you to protect other people, and I don't doubt that that extends to physical and mental attacks. Now, we already knew all of that, but what I discovered when you lowered your shield, is that the shield can block other people's actions; that's how the physical defence would work, the shield would physically stop them from entering your bubble. It can also assist you by blocking their senses, allowing you to escape, but you can also block brain messages that affect movement. What I'm saying is that, you can essentially force someone to do certain things,"

"So you're saying that Bella could make us all start jumping up and down if she wanted?" asks Tanya

"I should rephrase. Her power is defensive and works ultimately as a shield, it could only _stop_ us from doing something that would harm her or affect her, or anyone else she chooses to shield. For example, she could make us all immobile if she wanted,"

"Wow," says Carmen

"My sentiments exactly," says Eleazar smiling brightly

I work on my newfound knowledge and train for the next few months, finally mastering my talent. As hard as it is, I decide to leave the Denali's. I thank them profusely for their help and tell them that without them I would have no idea about my true power. They all understand my need to leave. Although I have been with them almost a year, I had only skimmed over my past, not mentioning anything about Edward or my life in Chicago, instead focusing all my talk about life after a vampire. I hug them all and promise to keep in touch with them.

I head down to Chicago, in time for my anniversary. How depressing, I'm spending it at a cemetery. I sit by Edward's grave telling him how much I still love him and sorry for not visiting earlier, but it hurt too much to see him, other than telling him goodbye eight years ago. I tell him about everywhere that I've been and how beautiful it all is, and how much I wish he could have been with me. I tell him about Carlisle and Esme, and I mention their futile attempts to pair me with their own son, called Edward too. I stroke his headstone, and tell him not to worry because no one could ever replace him, and that I'm going to remain Isabella Masen for the rest of eternity. I tell him about being a vampire and my new power that the Denali coven helped me discover. I tell him about Carmen, Eleazar, Irina, Tanya and Kate, and how wonderful they are. I choke back a laugh and tell him that I'm not naive to believe that all vampires are like this, and tell him that I sound crazy talking about vampires. I kiss his headstone, tell him I love him once more and stand up. I kiss both Elizabeth and Edward Senior's headstones, as well as my parents, not bothering to even glance at mine.

I decide to go to my house in Tennessee, since I hadn't been there since I bought it. I manage to arrive there a few hours later and realise that I should hunt in the woods behind the house. After taking down a couple of elk and a deer, I stretch myself out on the forest floor and reflect on my brief stopover in Chicago, and what Edward would have planned if we were celebrating our anniversary today. We would probably have at least two children by now. I wonder what their names would be. Are they boys or girls, or both? I shut down and day dream about the stolen possibilities, and forget about my surroundings. I don't know how long I've been there, laying unmoving on the ground until I hear a deep male's voice

"Oh my God,"

**A/N: I know I have left you all with a cliff hanger...but I hope you will ALL still review!!!! They mean a lot and are such big incentives to write and I am hoping to see people are still reading the story and care about it!!!**

**Again, the next update, I'm hoping, will be up in 10-11 days!!! Thanks and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!**


	17. Secrets

**A/N: PLEASE READ!!  
Ok, I know, you all want to kill me right about now...but just remember we won't get the story finished if you kill me off.**_**quarter**_** of that...so *cheap trick inserted here* if you like this story, please review even if it's to say "good chapter" I'd be happy—so we're aiming for at least 400 reviews by the next chapter!!!!!!!**

**Ok, I want to apologise, and I know I seem to be doing this a lot lately, but I had every intention of posting this story up and couple of days ago, I just couldn't finish the chapter...I mean talk about a letdown—so I have made this one extra long...I think this is the longest chapter to date.**

**Anyways...thanks to everyone who reviewed...I'm glad that I'm getting slightly more reviews for each chapter—but with more than 200 story alerts and favourites of this story, I'm not getting even a**

**Chapter name comes from song "Secrets" by OneRepublic.**

**Enjoy the chapter!!!**

BPOV

"Oh my God," I hear a male's voice exclaim followed by the rustling of leaves rushing towards me. I sit up slowly, not to frighten the human, whose heart is beating furiously. I look up from my place on the ground to a large boy towering over me.

He bends down, "Are you ok? Are you hurt anywhere? What hurts?" he starts talking as quickly as he can

"I'm fine, not hurt at all," I say and smile back sweetly

"You have blood on your shirt are you sure you're fine?" he asks

I look down and sure as he said, there's a small bloodstain on the sleeve of my dress, I was too caught up in thoughts of Edward to even notice the deer's blood on me...not something I'm going to tell to this stranger.

"Oh...yes, I cut myself on a branch on the way over here," I say, moving to stand up when offers his hand to me, and that's when I notice the large hunting rifle in his other hand.

"I won't hurt you," he says noticing me looking at the rifle. I stifle my laugh...hurt me? That won't do anything to me, but I appreciate his kindness in attempting to reassure me, and his cute dimples only add to his boyish charms.

I put my hand in his, "Thank you,"

"Wow, you're hands are freezing," he says, rubbing my hands between his large ones.

"Uhhh...it's cold out here, I don't even know how long I've been out here," I say

"Come on, let's get you back home and warm you up, I doubt that that dress of yours is doing anything,"

I brush off my backside to get off all the debris that's clinging to the material before walking with him.

"I'm Emmett by the way," he says and grins again, and I can't help but smile back at him. He's tall with short curly black hair and he's big...and I'm not suggesting that the boy is fat in any way, because it looks quite obvious, that beneath that hunting jacket, there is pure muscle, but those manly features seem balanced out by his dimples and infectious smile.

"I'm Bella," I say

"Why are you so far into the forest?" he asks, "you could have been hurt, no one expects a human, much less a beautiful girl, to be in the hunting zone,"

"Oh, well aren't you charming too," I smile back while he beams back

"So seriously, what were you doing out here? You almost gave me a heart attack when I saw you lying motionless on the ground with your eyes closed,"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I moved into the white house at the edge of the forest and I went exploring, I must have fallen asleep,"

"Yeah, I fall asleep on the forest floor all the time," he bites back sarcastically

"Oh good, I thought I was the only one," I say dryly causing him to laugh deeply and very loudly

"You're a funny one, aren't you Bella?"

"I try,"

"And succeed you do," he chuckles, "So tell me a bit about yourself,"

Yes, because that is very easy. I'm Bella, I'm actually 25 but stuck in the body of a 17 year old, I have a husband, but he's dead, and that's it...oh no, I'm also a vampire, but shhh, don't tell anyone.

"Uhhh...I'm not really that interesting, what would you like to know?"

"How old are you?"

"I'm 18," I lie, I can't tell him I'm near my actual age because I still look 17, but I can't say that I'm 17 because what reasonable parents would leave there daughter in a town by herself?

"Ok, so where are you from initially? Come on, you know how to talk to people, I'm just trying to get to know you,"

"Ok, I'm Bella, I'm 18 years old, and I just moved here by myself from Seattle,"

"By yourself? You mean you live here alone?" Emmett asks as we reach the large white house which I'm currently referring to as 'home'.

"Yes, my parents died recently,"

"I'm sorry to hear that. Are you going to be alright here by yourself, I shudder to think of you in this house all by your lonesome. Maybe you could come live with my family, it's not as extravagant as this house, but it'll put my mind at ease,"

I smile back, genuinely touched by his kindness, but I wouldn't accept even if I was a human, much less a vampire who doesn't sleep and certainly doesn't share any food groups with the humans.

"Thank you for the offer Emmett, honestly, I'm grateful, but I'm used to being alone without my parents, even alive I didn't see them that much,"

"Would you mind if I visited from time to time, just to make sure everything is alright?" he asks

"I would love that. Do you want to come inside?" I ask and lead him through the front door.

The place is still dusty and the air a little thick, but the windows are already open and letting in the fresh forest air into the rooms. I rush around the rooms closing the windows, so it doesn't get any colder in here.

"I would offer you something to drink and eat, but the shelves and cupboards are _literally_ bare," I comment, omitting the fact that this house has never had an ounce of food in it while I have had it.

"Perfect, we can buy some food, I'm starving," he says patting his stomach.

"Not to be rude or anything but, won't somebody wonder where you've disappeared to? They might think you've been eaten by a bear or something,"

He laughs, "No, it's not a problem, I was hunting with a friend of mine, and we were both on our way home,"

"So where is he?"

"I walked passed his house before I found you,"

"Ah, ok, just let me get some money and change my dress, feel free to look around, even though there's nothing interesting really to see,"

I run at vampire speed as soon as his back is turned and make my way to my room. I shred the blood stained dress and throw it on to the bed, which I put in the room for show, and pick out a beige one instead. I grab my purse and head back down to see Emmett standing in front of the balcony.

"This is a really nice view that you have here," he comments and turns to see me changed, "yeah I think it would raise questions had you gone in the other dress," he chuckles

I shake my head at him, "are you ready?"

"Yes, are you sure you don't want to take a jacket with you?"

I look down at what I'm wearing, "I think this will be alright,"

"Well, let's go, it's a bit of a walk from here though," it's not as if I'm going to get tired.

"That's not a problem,"

"Well, let's go lady," he says and loops his arm through mine while I laugh at his exaggerated antics, "you're going to love it," he says when we hit the street.

"Love what?"

"It's a surprise...but you'll love it,"

"Emmett, just tell me what you're talking about, I can make your life difficult if I need to,"

He laughs, "Bella, what can you do? Honestly, how tall are you 5 foot? And weigh what, a total 120 pounds?"

I reach over and grab his ear and pull it down to my level, "What was it that you were saying?"

"Ahhh...Bella, let go, please, I'm sorry, you're scary and can hurt me really bad, now please let me go," he begs

I let go and smile brightly at him, and chuckle a little when I see his ear is red.

"Sorry Emmett, but I did tell you I could make your life hard, you didn't have to taunt me,"

"What did you say? I'm sorry I think I've gone deaf, please speak into this ear," causing me to nudge him a little for being over-dramatic, "well aren't you violent? I don't know if I want to be friends with you anymore, who knows _what_ you'll do next," he says pouting a little and crossing his arms over his chest.

"How old are you? You're acting like a petulant five year old child who was just told they couldn't play with the other children,"

"Social etiquette tells us that this is where you apologise,"

"Social etiquette also says that you should be acting like a gentleman,"

"It also tells us that woman should behave like woman—"

"—and that they deserve some respect, I'm just asserting my rights as a woman,"

"Did you just listen to what you said, 'rights as a woman', you _have_ no rights,"

I just glare at him, "One day Emmett you will see, women already have the right to vote one day, we'll manage to do every job a man can do,"

"Ok Bella, a little optimistic aren't we?"

"No, I'm realistic, mark my words Emmett,"

"Whatever you say Bella," he says and pats my shoulder

I shrug him off and glare at him for patronizing me, when he covers up both of his ears.

"What on Earth are you doing?" I ask smiling, already forgetting out argument

"I know we met an hour ago, but I know that look in your eye, you're planning to hurt me, and my ears are too sensitive to be subjected to that again,"

I laugh loudly while he stays unmoving.

"I'm sorry for pulling your ear before even though you deserved it, but I promise not to hurt you again, without good reason,"

"Promise?"

"Promise,"

We reach the main street and it's quite busy for a Saturday morning, with men, women and children bustling around. I notice the market and start walking to it when Emmett takes my elbow and pulls me back.

"What are you doing?" I ask him confused, "I thought you wanted food,"

"I do, but we're not going to that market stall, half of it is a rip-off,"

"So where do you suggest we buy food from?"

He grabs my chin and manoeuvres it to the left and I see a big building with the words 'Piggly Wiggly' written on the side

"Suprise," says Emmett. I look back at his face and see him beaming brightly

"The surprise is 'Piggly Wiggly'?"

"Do you even know what it is?" I shake my head. "it's a self-serve supermarket. They opened one out in Memphis, and now they've opened one here too, they're brilliant,"

"Oh, I know what they are, I'm from Seattle, but they're not called 'Piggly Wiggly' there. So you _like_ to go shopping?" I ask stifling my laughter.

"Well, I help my mum carry things back to our house, and we don't have a car. But I don't come here very often, and that's why it's so fantastic, it's like an experience every time. My mum doesn't like bringing me because I make her buy all the sugared foods and we don't have that much money to spend for those things,"

As he says this, I feel bad for him. He's obviously not poor but I can only imagine how much Emmett could eat if he had the choice, so I decide right there to buy anything he wants...it's not like I'm going to be eating it.

"Well, are we going in?" I ask

We make our way around the foods, and we end up having to get three baskets to fit all of our food in. I had to pretend a couple of times that I liked certain things, which I'm not sure what they even were. Emmett caught me out and told me not to pity him, but I reassured him that I had a feeling that he was going to be over a lot, so that he should just choose what he likes.

"I have to go, my family is probably going to be wondering where I am," says Emmett after he places the bags on the kitchen counter, "do you want to do something tomorrow?" he asks

"Sure, that would be nice," I say leading him out.

I close the door once he leaves, happy that I don't have to go through with the pretence of cooking dinner for myself. I realise that I had no temptation whatsoever to drink Emmett's blood, in fact, I hadn't even thought about it the whole day. After thinking about it for a few minutes, I decide it's either because I'm completely out of the newborn stage, however this wouldn't explain the fact that the blood flowing through his veins didn't even cross my mind once, which leads me to conclude that my power must be blocking off my thirst for human blood. Even as a newborn, although I didn't put myself in the way of temptation, I didn't really thirst for humans, even when I was in a hospital where blood was exposed.

I take a few more minutes revelling at the extent of my powers before trailing back into the living room realising that the house will need to be properly furnished. I wasn't expecting to talk with many of the humans in town, let alone make friends with one, but I have a feeling that Emmett isn't the type of person that you could shake off even if you tried. I smile at the thought of him, he's such a jovial character, and seems to be exactly what I need at this point in my life; someone easygoing that isn't going to pry too much into my past. Speaking of the past, I just realise that neither of us really delved deeply into our backgrounds, I don't even know how old Emmett is. We had bantered on the way to Piggly Wiggly and on the way back Emmett was telling me about his favourite foods and weird combinations that him and his friends had been dared to eat over the years. Of course food alone tastes disgusting, but from what I could remember from my human years, none of those combinations seemed the slightest bit appealing.I make a note to learn more about Emmett tomorrow, curious as to what he has planned for us for the day.

Looking around the room, I start to make a mental list of what I would need in order for the house to look like a home, not a cold, sterile building, which it currently resembles. Thankfully enough money had been invested in the shares to be able to allow me to live a comfortable life. I somehow managed to avoid the whole market crash, not entirely, but enough to have some money...alright a lot of money left over.

I spend the night in front of a useless fire sketching possibilities for each of the rooms and quite possibly the backyard that leads into the forest. I somehow have managed to lose track of time, not the easiest accomplishment for a vampire, when I hear footsteps coming up the porch. I will myself to stay seated on the couch, not wanting to lie to Emmett how I knew he was at the door before he managed to knock. The sound of his knocking snaps me out of my musings and I make my way over to the door.

"Good morning Bella," he says, looking handsome and rugged up in a jacket and a big scarf with a blue beanie.

"Good morning Emmett, come on in, it's freezing outside,"

He follows me into the living room, taking off his multiple layers, and savouring the heat from the night fire.

"Man, it's so warm in here," he says, "what's this?" he asks gesturing to the notepad

"I have to decorate the rooms soon, so I'm just sketching and drawing out some ideas,"

"This looks fantastic, are you going to get a television?"

"I was thinking to, what do you think?"

"I think it's brilliant, although you'll never get me to leave that way,"

"You can't spend your whole day in front of the television Emmett,"

"I don't, it's impossible to do so at my house anyway. We have one television, so my father gave us all a designated time slot each depending on what show we all like, and having two sisters who like to watch some absolutely horrendous soaps, I somehow end up having the same preferences as my father, both of us enjoying baseball and other sports, but none of that is on during the day, therefore my sisters, along with my mother, have the television basically all day,"

"Aww...poor Emmett, bullied by girls. What did I tell you yesterday? Women—we're getting more respect,"

"Oh, I respect women Bella, _believe_ me," he jokes

"I really don't need think of those images running through my head,"

"They don't have to be just in your mind," he says raising his eyebrows

"You're embarrassing yourself now Emmett," I smile

"I am, aren't I? Darn it, my mother wouldn't be too proud,"

I laugh at him, "have you had breakfast?"

"A little," he shrugs

"Well, why are you all the way over there, let's get some food into that stomach,"

"Bella, you don't have to do that,"

"Do what?"

"Pity me,"

I laugh at him loudly, "You think that I pity you? Why on Earth would I pity you?"

He shrugs, "I just don't want you to think that we're friends because you give me food and because you'll have a television soon," he smiles at the end

"That's considerate Emmett, but if I do recall, you approached me because you thought I was injured, you had no obligation to stay once you saw that I was alright, yet you walked me home and even offered me to stay in your house when you saw that I live here alone. Emmett, you seem like a nice guy, and I wouldn't be friends with you if I thought you had ulterior motives. As we saw yesterday, I am more than capable of taking care of myself,"

"Are you sure?"

"Shut up Emmett," I say

His mouth slacks open before he starts laughing, "You swore,"

"It's not a swear word," I argue indignantly

He just laughs at me again, "Ahh Bella, if this is the path that woman are headed..."

"Oh, sush, or I won't make you pancakes,"

"You know how to make pancakes?"

I laugh at his bright eyes, "I'm quite positive of my skills," I say, hoping that they turn out well, having not made them in almost a decade and losing my sense of taste for human food  
within that time.

After ten minutes of Emmett commenting on how delicious it smells, I finally finish up and plate the pancakes, before sitting them in front of Emmett, who dutifully sat at the table when I  
ordered him out of the kitchen. I gave him a fork and knife and a bottle of maple syrup.

He begins to dig in, while I sit at the opposite end on the table, watching him, slightly in disgust as to how he could eat all that sugared mush.

"Aren't you going to eat?" he asks through a mouthful of pancakes

I raise an eyebrow at his state, causing him to blush slightly, while I shake my head, "I ate earlier on, I couldn't sleep,"

"Must be the new place, you're not familiar with it yet,"

"Must be," I smile

"Just give it a few days, and you'll be right as rain,"

After that first morning of pancakes, Emmett came to my house for the next six months dutifully for breakfast. He had long gotten over the fact that I was quick to offer him food, and finally managed to accept my insistence to literally help himself to anything in the kitchen, nay the house. Of course this lead to the issue of why I never ate breakfast with him, at first I used the excuse that I had already eaten before he came, but that was foiled the multiple times when he took me fishing (I know fishing in winter—it's Emmett), when I finally confessed that I never ate breakfast. He asked me why, and I told him that I'm never hungry in the mornings, but that I didn't want to tell him because I was scared that he would think there was something wrong with me. He laughs at me and doesn't say anything. In fact he stops questioning all together my weird eating habits, but that only happened once I ate a chocolate bar in front of him—throwing _that _up later was absolutely disgusting, but it appeased Emmett.

He had become one of the best friends I have ever had; I don't know whether it is his immaturity or his ability to take anything the world throws at him in stride, but he had secured his place in my heart as my brother. I had told Emmett this one time when I had picked him up from a bar. He of course had no problem getting in, looking like a 25 year old in a 20 year old body, and it didn't hurt that his friend's uncle owned the place either. So there I was driving Emmett to my house in the car that he had suggested I buy, which he drove more often than I did, when he began his drunken ramblings. He began with begging me to take me to my house, telling me he wouldn't be able to face his parents in this state, even though it was already agreed that he would be sleeping there. He then began to tell me what a fantastic girl I am, I admitted that he took the title of my favourite and only brother, which made him laugh. He told me that _now_ I was just his third sister, but when he first saw me, he thought I was a beautiful girl that he could show off to his friends. I started giggling at his explanation, which turned into full-out laughter when I detected the slight tinge of blush there. He covered up his embarrassment by saying that you couldn't _pay_ him to kiss me now, which had him backpedalling and trying to explain how he still thinks I'm beautiful but in a sisterly way. His musings were then switched to how strange our hands are. I had to all but carry him inside and rested him in the living room where I had left the fire going. I slipped off his jacket and his boots, draping the doona I had brought into the room over his body.

Of course, picking Emmett up from a bar wasn't a rare occurrence, and had occurred more and more often when he was approaching his twenty first birthday, which was a full blown occasion. I had decided to celebrate his birthday at my house as a surprise, organising it with a few of his friends I had met over the months, as well as his mother; appropriately we had decided to have a separate dinner with family only.

It was maybe approaching eleven o'clock when he first bumped into me. I was standing in the living room watching the living room full of adolescent boys and girls drinking, dancing and talking when one of Emmett's friends, Tom, bumped into me. I know he did it on purpose because he really wasn't that inebriated to have stumbled onto me. I had forgiven him, and excused myself looking for someone familiar to talk to. I spotted one of Emmett's cousins, Nicolette shyly leaning against a wall. She had her eye on one of the boys that went to her school, who she was absolutely smitten with. I managed to convince her to ask him to dance, and was left alone against the wall, when Tom came up to me again. I excused myself from his uncomforting presence and went to the kitchen to get some more beers from the fridge, when he cornered me again, resting his arms on either side of my body. Of course, I wasn't a typical helpless girl, and I slapped his hand away when he tried to tuck my hair behind my ears, but Emmett managed to stumble into the kitchen at that precise moment. He looked from me to Tom for a split second before grabbing Tom's shirt and pulling him off me, before punching him in the face twice, before I stood between them. It took a few minutes to get Emmett completely out of the kitchen, and Tom escorted off the property, and even longer to calm Emmett down. He had asked me whether I was ok about a million times, to which I assured him I was and apologized for ruining his birthday. He laughed and told me that this was the best birthday ever and thanked me for organising it. It wasn't a topic of conversation we ever re-visited.

A whole two years has now passed since I had come to Tennessee. Emmett and I are still really close, but it's come to the time where I have to leave. I, of course, haven't aged in those two years and it's starting to be suspicious. Everyone is claiming that I just have fantastic skin and will always have that youthful glow—if only they knew—but it's cutting it too close. It's going to be excruciatingly hard to say goodbye to Emmett, but I resign myself that this has to be done.

I shake my head at everything that Emmett has gotten up to in these past two years, some which he managed to drag me into. The kid is trouble with a capital t, but one look at those dimples and any thoughts of guilt disappeared. He has gotten away with countless pranks, and it wouldn't surprise me if he managed to get away with murder too.

His eyes still haven't settled on any female, while his mother is holding out hope on the two of us, which resulted from disgusted looks from both Emmett and I when she suggested it. In fact, his mother is growing restless with her eldest son, thinking she would have been a grandmother at this point, but Emmett has no immediate plans of settling down, instead he wants to _appreciate_ as many females as he can before settling down. His father, however, has been coerced into taking his son on a hunting trip in three months for his birthday, where he will try and coax his son into marrying a local girl. Good luck.

So here I am, waiting for Emmett to come over for breakfast like he has every day for the past two years, twisting my fingers in my hands.  
Emmett bursts through the door, seeking the heat the fireplace offers, while slipping off his layered clothing.

"Good morning Bella," he says

"Morning,"

"What's wrong?" he asks picking up on the tension in the room

"My..uh, my grandmother is sick, she wrote me to tell me that she needs me there, she doesn't think she has long to live," I begin sprouting the fabricated lie I had chosen.

"Wow, I hope she feels better soon, where does she live?"

"In Alaska," I answer quickly

"When do you have to leave? Do you know when you're going to come back?"

"I was thinking of leaving tomorrow, and I'm really not sure when I will come back, it all depends on how she is. I want her to get better, but I don't know if I would be able to just leave again,"

He nods, "That's understandable, so it's indefinite at the moment?"

I nod my head, "God, I hate this," I sob, knowing that no tears will come out

"Hey, don't cry, this isn't goodbye, we'll see each other again," he says causing another sob to rack my body.

He rubs my back soothingly, trying to calm me down. Ok Bella, you can do this.

"Listen, I don't know when I'll be back, but I want you to have my car,"

"Bella, I can't take your _car_,"

"Think of it as a loan, for when I come back," I say

"But, it's your _car_..." he sputters

"Emmett, what am I going to do with a Ford Tudor in Alaska of all places? Emmett, you deserve this car. Think of it as an early wedding present,"

He laughs and hugs me, "You sure you don't just pity me?"

I'm about to smack him, but I realise he's just joking. I roll my eyes, and lead him to the kitchen, for our last breakfast together.

"Feel free to come here any time while I'm gone,"

He laughs, "that's just weird now Bella, living in your house while you're gone,"

"I'm not saying to _live _here, I'm just saying, if you ever get bored at home, or want to watch television here, feel free to, and before you interrupt," I say holding up a finger, "you're going  
to have to stop by from time to time anyway and make sure no one is robbing me while I'm gone,"

He chuckles again, taking a last bite, "I can manage that,"

We spend the rest of the day reminiscing and on few talks about the future. He tells me that he overheard his mother asking his father to 'talk' to him about marriage and its importance.

"I think I'm just going to wander off when we're hunting to avoid _that_ conversation,"

I'm packed up, and I drop the keys of the car into Emmett's palm. I can tell that he doesn't know whether to be happy about getting a car, or sad for my departure.

He hugs me tightly, "I'll miss you Bella-bear," he says using his nickname for me that he came up with when he was drunk one night, thinking it was the funniest thing in the world.

"You too Emmy-bear,"

This is only the second time in my vampiric life that I wish I could cry, knowing that I'll never see Emmett again.

Since there _is_ no grandma in Alaska that might be on her potential deathbed I decide to retreat to my Seattle house, deciding to write to Carlisle and Esme about the last couple of years. I inform them of my powers, and how fantastic the whole Denali clan was. I decide to omit Emmett, not knowing whether they would approve of me being around a human so closely for so long. I seal the letter and look around the empty house and realise I have no idea what's going to happen next.

**A/N: So what did you think? Like it, love it, hate it?**_**LOVE**_** hearing what you guys think will happen next and anything you would like to see.**

**Review me any theories—these are my favourite—I absolutely**

**For curiosity's sake...where do you see the next chapter heading? I'm interested as to what you think will happen in the next chapter.**

**Also, in your review...tell me who should meet Bella next and how.**

**Thanks for reading...and please review...400 for the next chapter!!**


	18. Words

**A/N: I am SO, SO SORRY for such a delayed update! I have finally just finished exams and been battling writer's block with this story, but I have written the latest chapter. It's one of the longest one's since I thought you guys definitely deserved it!**

Chapter title is from the song Words by Train (whose album I LOVE).

Anyways, here's the next chapter, read the bottom A/N for update notice

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__Since there is no grandma in Alaska that might be on her potential deathbed I decide to retreat to my Seattle house, deciding to write to Carlisle and Esme about the last couple of years. I inform them of my powers, and how fantastic the whole Denali clan was. I decide to omit Emmett, not knowing whether they would approve of me being around a human so closely for so long. I seal the letter and look around the empty house and realise I have no idea what's going to happen next._

EPOV  
"Do you _know_ how to play any other song? Because you seem to be really good, but if I have to listen to you play this song _one more time_..."  
Rosalie's voice travels from up the stairs. I should remind her that there is no need to yell since we are all vampires and can hear perfectly well, but I know that would just enrage her further. I had been playing Bella's song on a sort of loop and it was driving Rosalie crazy.

Rosalie. Where to begin with her? She had joined our family last year when Carlisle found her half-naked and beaten in the street here in Rochester, and is only now coming out of her new-born phase. She has been actually quite tame for a new vampire, all except for her vengeful killing spree of her attackers, but I do admit I must applaud her for not drinking even a drop of human blood. Of course, I got a replay of the night when she strolled back into the house satisfied; Rosalie in a wedding dress she stole from a bridal shop hunting down the four men that left her for dead. Of course I didn't mention it to her, because quite simply the thing with Rosalie and I is that she hates me...not that it bothers me or anything, but I didn't do anything to justify her attitude. I have to admit, I don't go out of my way to be overly-nice to her, but that's only because she started it. Yes I know that sounds juvenile, but she's stuck in her own little world where she thinks everyone must bow down to her feet, if there's one word to describe Rosalie Lillian Hale, it's vain.

"Edward, I won't hesitate to tear you limb from limb if you don't stop," she yells again, but to be honest, I'm not doing this to annoy her, I'm simply doing it because it's one of the only connections I have to Bella, and I have every right to play _her_ song on _my_ piano however many times or however long I want. My mind taps into Rosalie's, where she is purposefully demonstrating said threat. I laugh softly.

It took a while for Rosalie to discover my power. Since her first words to me were to leave her alone and find someone else to bother, I decided to forgo my gentleman behaviour with her and not clue her in on my power. It was only one day when she was thinking to herself why I didn't find her attractive or make a pass at her that she discovered my ability to read minds. I had laughed at her train of thought, and I mean _really _laughed to the point where she looked at me as if I was crazy. Esme and Carlisle came into the room and looked between the two of us and Rosalie jumped the gun and told them that I started laughing like a mad man for no apparent reason and that I should be committed to a mental institution. Carlisle simply rose an eyebrow at me, while Esme was darting her head from me to Rosalie as if it were a tennis match.

"Edward why are you laughing?" asked Carlisle

I pretended to wipe my eyes as if I were crying of laughter and responded simply, "Rosalie is just a funny bird that's all,"

"I'm not a 'funny-bird'," she glared at me before looking at Carlisle again, "I didn't even _say_ anything. I was simply sitting her, brushing my hair, when all of a sudden he started laughing out of the blue,"

I could contain my laughter, but there was slight smirk on my face, which Esme had noticed and narrowed in on suspiciously.

"Edward..." she began reprimanding me and through her mind I knew the direction this was going.

_Don't be mean to Rosalie, she's still a new-born and she's easily enraged_

I nodded my head at Esme, wiping the grin off my face before looking to Carlisle who was also regarding me suspiciously

_What on earth is going on with him? If she didn't say anything to incite such a reaction...  
_  
All I needed was to hear his mind piece together the final piece of the puzzle, "Rosalie what were you thinking when Edward was laughing?"

I had had to avert my gaze from Rosalie, her thoughts told me she was confused as to the direction of the conversation. She straightened up a bit,

"I was just wondering why Edward didn't like me,"

I chuckled at her edited response, while she just glared at me.

"Rosalie...you know how we were talking about powers?" began Carlisle "I didn't want to mention it straight away given the circumstances, but...Edward has a power,"

"What is it?" she gritted out

"He can read minds,"

"You mean he can hear what I'm thinking?" she said slowly

Esme and Carlisle both nodded, while I just shrugged. Her gaze turned on me and I didn't need to be able to read her mind to interpret what the fire behind her eyes meant; she was angry. I picked up on the errant thought and started running seconds before she physically decided to do so. Although she was a new born, I was faster, but only just. Her thoughts during the whole chase were murderous, all directed at me. I think we ran for around half an hour, and only stopped when I picked up on the scent of humans only mere miles away. I knew of course that Rosalie wouldn't have the strength to stay away from them, not only being a newborn, but already being in an enraged mood, so I started running back towards Rosalie and wrapped my arms around her. Luckily she hadn't picked up on the sweet scent, but I held her tightly.

"Rosalie, listen to me," I said lowly and she stopped struggling for only a few moments, "Stop breathing,"

Her thoughts were confused but she obliged.

"There are humans near-by, we need to get away,"

Her eyes widened, but her mind let me know that she didn't want to go any closer to them, and she simply nodded her head. We started running back, and only slowed down when we saw the house in view.

"I'm sorry," I had apologised, "I should've told you about my power. It was cruel for me to laugh at you,"

She only nodded her head and darted inside the house.

I was so lost in my thoughts that it took me a moment too long to realise that Rosalie had risen from her bed and was coming to me.

"Edward...stop," she says through clenched teeth. She's standing at the bottom of the stairs, hands on hips with a scowl on her face

"Rosalie, I'm allowed to play whatever I want on _my_ piano, and if that be this song, then so be it,"

"Why don't you play another song on loop, I can't listen to that stupid song again,"

My hands clench in fists, and my jaw hardens, and through Rosalie's mind I can see that my eyes have turned a darker shade.

"_I _wrote that song,"

"That's great Edward," she says as if it weren't great at all, "but it's driving me crazy...aren't you sick of listening to it over and over again?"

"No. I'm not," I say curtly

"How can you not be, _I _can recite it," she says and begins humming it, but it doesn't sound right...no one should play that song but me and _her_.

"Quit it Rosalie," I say

"Why is it bothering you as much as it is me?" she says and starts humming again

"Stop. Humming."

"You seem irritated, but I don't see a reason to stop since I asked you so many times," she says and continues before pausing again, "although I must say it is truly a beautiful song,"

"Last chance," I say but she doesn't heed to my warning.

I stand up hastily, pushing the piano with too much force that it goes crashing into the wall, causing Esme to enter the room,

"What is going on here?"

Rosalie just looks shocked that I damaged my piano, but at this point in time I couldn't care less. I stalk up to Rosalie and stand directly in front of her

"_You_ are never to play that song again. It isn't _your_ song, _do not sing it_. Do you understand?"

Rosalie's eyes dart to Esme, who is standing still on the side, a look of sadness on her face. Rosalie still doesn't say anything and her thoughts are in a flurry, and it's hard to get something coherent from her at the moment. Carlisle walks into the house, finally finished with his shift at the hospital but his smile automatically diminishes when he takes in the scene in front of him. Esme off to the side watching Rosalie and I warily and sad, Rosalie for once not having an air of superiority and off to the side, my beloved piano embedded into the wall, with the piano stool knocked over in my haste to get in front of Rosalie.

I ignore everything and repeat to Rosalie, "do you understand?" I say slowly

She nods her head.

"What is happening here? What happened to your piano Edward?" asks Carlisle still surveying the room

"I stood up too quickly," I reply

Although she was verbally quiet, Esme's thoughts were screaming the same thing over and over again; _don't leave. Stay. Please don't leave.  
_  
My eyes dart back to Rosalie, who for the first time since we met registered that I was actually dangerous. From past thoughts, she had always brushed me aside as a young teenage boy, but little did she know that not only was I in fact older than her, but also a lot more skilled at fighting than her.

I look back at the piano still crushed into the wall, however only eyes were moving, every other body part was essentially immobile, no one wanting to say anything or make the first move.

_I wonder what happened. I think it's completely out of the question for there to be a future for Rosalie and Edward together. I cannot believe I thought they would be good for each other; seeing her around town, she seemed like the perfect person.  
_  
"WHAT?" I ask loudly of Carlisle and his thoughts

"Edward..." he begins trying to be calming and reassuring.

"I cannot believe you did that, that you thought that, how could you?"

"It was barley a factor in my decision, it was more of an afterthought,"

"Carlisle, I don't know how many times I have to tell you, I've already explained it to Esme, but there is going to be no one else, and certainly not Rosalie Hale,"

"Edward..."

"Stop with your reproaching tone, it's _never _going to happen, is that clear?"

Carlisle doesn't have time to answer before Rosalie runs out of the room. From her mind, I can tell she is upset by my words, not the fact that I don't have romantic feelings for her but the fact that I have dismissed her so thoroughly, if only she knew the position I was in, it was like there _could_ be nobody else.

I decide to run after her, deciding to apologise for my actions this last year, but in particular all the comments and reactions to the mere thought of the two of us together.

I find her perched on a large boulder that hangs over the river's edge. I zip up quickly and settle myself next to her. We are both silent for a few moments before I decide to be the bigger person and apologise first and as soon as I begin it's like a flood of words come rushing out of my mouth.

"I'm sorry Rosalie. For a lot of things. I want to apologise for this life that you've been brought into, I know you think it's an intrusion into your privacy but I have picked up on the resentment you have toward Carlisle sometimes, and I can honestly empathise and relate to those fleeting thoughts, but nothing can be done, it's better to find something to do with this second chance you have than to wallow and make not only your life miserable but those around you too.

"I also need to apologise about my reactions at the thought of us two as a couple. You and I both know it wouldn't work, I mean there's nothing there between the two of us, but I know you're upset only because your whole life men have been vying for your affection and I...don't. Don't misconstrue what I mean, I think you are beautiful but you have to understand Rosalie, you're not the only one who lost something when they were changed.

"You lost your chance at having a family, a husband and kids, well I already had that. I had a family...well no kids but I had found that one person who everyone searches their whole life for, I had her, and now I'm meant to roam the rest of eternity without her. It's unfair, it's cruel and sometimes completely maddening. I still haven't completely come to terms with the fact that I'm never going to see her smile, or blush or just even _see_ her, I have to content myself with photographs and songs and material objects to feel close to her. But no matter how much time passes I will always love her; remain completely and utterly in love with only her for the rest of my life,"

My words hang in there air and her mind tells me that she's processing my words.

"Do you hate her sometimes?"

"Hate her?"

"Maybe hate isn't the right word, perhaps _envy_ her is more appropriate. I mean she doesn't have to do _this_ all the time," she says and waves her hand at me, and my sad expression

"I do sometimes. Actually..." I begin and pause contemplating whether to enlighten Rosalie on certain events, "I haven't always fed off animals,"

"But I thought Carlisle changed you?"

"He did," I say and I register her confusion, "it was only a few years ago that I started to resent Carlisle in a certain capacity. I still admired him, but I was already struggling with the concept of eternity and a life without _her_ when he had changed Esme. I had accused him of playing God and told him that he had no right to save people, if you really want to say that being a vampire is being 'saved',"

She nods her head and is totally enrapt in my story.

"So after a while I started questioning everything and it got to the point where I was angry, so angry that I left this peaceful lifestyle and went to the city to embrace my true nature," I pause for a little trying to word the next part correctly,

"Looking back now I was a hypocrite, here I was accusing Carlisle of playing God, when on the other hand I was using my power to kill murderers and rapists, and get the absolute scum off the city streets. But you were right, I did envy her. I gave up on trying to be the person that she knew, that she loved and wanted me to be. What was the point when she wasn't there? Feeding off humans gives you a mentality that is completely different than feeding off animals. Never had I thought that I could hate her, maybe hate fate and our situation, but never hate my other half. It took one moment for me to realise that I couldn't live that way and that I had to look to the future instead of the past. Carlisle and Esme embraced me with open arms, even though they should have turned their back on me for what I had done and how I acted, but they didn't and they were more forgiving than I deserved,"

Reading her mind, I realise that Rosalie is looking at me in a totally different light.

"Sorry for making you stop your song, I didn't know that there was an actual meaning behind it, all I thought was that you were doing it to annoy me,"

"I'm sorry too, if you can believe it, I didn't realise I was playing it over and over again, I was kind of wrapped up in my mind,"

"So did you write it with her or for her?"

I smile, "I wrote it _for_ her. We had just met and this melody was swirling in my mind every time I thought of her,"

Rosalie smiles, "That's adorable, she must have been a lucky girl,"

I smile back, "she truly was,"

We both sit there in silence, neither one of us talking, but I manage to pick up on Rosalie's dangerous train of thought. She was now comparing Royce and I and how we treated our significant other, but before I can cut in and tell her that it's futile to think about such things, she begins talking.

"Royce seemed like the perfect gentleman at the beginning,"

"Rosalie, you don't hav—"

"No, I think it will help to talk about it," she says and takes a deep unnecessary breath, "Of course, looking back now, I was being pawned off by my parents to the man with the highest social standing; my beauty was going to open up big doors for my family and I didn't care. All I have ever wanted was to have a husband that kisses me when he gets home from work while I set dinner on the table and to sit on the porch gray-haired with my husband watching our grandchildren play. I wanted all of that, and when Royce came along and offered all of that and more, I was ecstatic, I revelled in the fact that girls were envious and men were jealous, if I had known my beauty was a curse. That night...that night changed everything, I couldn't believe that Royce would be capable of doing that not only to me, but to _anyone_,"

Both of us remain silent, and I try to fight the wince that's threatening my face as Rosalie re-enacts that night.

"I guess I should be thankful. To Carlisle for letting me have my revenge," she smiles

I laugh back at her, "I thought the dress was the perfect theatrical touch," to which she laughs as well

"I should be thankful to you in a sense as well. Although you suffered for it, by getting off the scum off the streets, well that just means that no other girl would have to go through what I went through,"

I sling my right hand over her shoulders and pull her into a one-handed hug. We both sit there in silence reflecting on this deep conversation.

_I wonder why he hated me though. He knew what I went through, yet he was still rude—_

"I don't hate you Rosalie, I never have," I cut in

"But you were so rude to me when I...woke up,"

"Rosalie, don't you remember the first thing you said to me?"

She thinks back, "I told you to leave and to bother someone else," I nod my head, "That's only because you were insulting me while I was changing,"

"Insulting you?"

"Yes, I think your exact words were 'Rosalie Hale? What were you thinking Carlisle?' You said my name as if there was something wrong with me, of course I was going to be angry with you when I awoke,"

I smile wryly, "That wasn't my intention, I was merely thinking that you were such an obvious person and extremely recognisable," I pause for a second, "I have to admit that I knew _who_ you were and I made a quick assumption. I had heard your thoughts the multiple times that I had gone into town and all you ever thought about was yourself, so I guess I should apologize for making such a assessment of you,"

"No, I guess that you were fair in your summary of me, I was—I am—vain to a fault, but it's something I can't change, I was brought up with the notion that I was stunningly beautiful and that I had something that both men and women wanted, I guess it'll take some time to rein on those thoughts,"

We realise that we've been out here a while since darkness has started to fall around us.

"We should start heading back before Carlisle and Esme begin to believe that you have torn me limb from limb," I say extending a hand to her, she looks at me weirdly before placing hers in mine and allowing me to pull her up.

"I would never be able to tear shred you could I?" she asks as we approach the house

"You would never be able to catch me to have the chance," I laugh

"I can't wait for the day that someone joins this family and that can put you in your place,"

"You think more people are going to be joining our clan?"

"With the compassion of both Esme and Carlisle, I wouldn't put it past them,"

"And are you hoping for a boy or a girl next?"

"Preferably a girl, I already have one brother," she says smiling at me

"Well, I've never had a sister, but you seem to be living up to the expectations of one,"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I've heard that they are meant to annoy the living hell out of you," I chuckle and ruffle her hair as we enter the house

"And you are surely living up to _your_ expectations,"

"Glad to hear it," I say smiling brightly at her, and she can't help but smile back

Esme and Carlisle appear before us, their anxious faces melting when they notice Rosalie's and my jovial faces.

"Have the two of you sorted out your differences?"

"No, Rosalie is still self-centred and vain,"

"And Edward is still possibly the only morose and brooding vampire in existence,"

"But, we are both able to live with each other,"

"We're not exactly friends by any means, but we can tolerate and live with each other,"

"Ok," says Carlisle, "That seems like an...improvement," he says uncertainly looking at Esme and then back at Rosalie and I.

"Regardless, I think it might be time to talk about moving?"

"Again? We were in Casper for one year, and we've only been here for two," I groan

"Well, I'm sure Rosalie is sick of being confined in this house almost constantly," admonishes Esme, "I know I was on the verge of going crazy being house bound for a year in Minnesota. And, don't seem shocked we won't live in Casper ever again, the people there were so inquisitive and constantly watching our every move, I'm surprised we lived there that long,"

"Sorry," I say belatedly when I realise that Esme is right, Rosalie must be sick of staying in Rochester. She had mostly been confined to the house since we weren't extremely far from civilisation and relocating any earlier would be risky.

"Finally," huffs Rosalie

"Ok, so does anyone have any preferences?"

"How about Chicago?" suggests Rosalie

"NO," I shout almost immediately

"Why not? I've always wanted to go there. I've only ever been to New York,"

"Well go in your own time, we're not living there," I snap

Carlisle breaks up our glaring competition, "Edward is from Chicago,"

"Oh," says Rosalie, and understanding floods her mind

"In any case we need to choose small places where we can hunt often,"

"How about we go a little more south, we've stayed fairly north this whole time?" suggests Esme

"Ok, we can't go too far though, we still need constant cover from the sun,"

"How about Tennessee?" I suggest

"That's not such a bad idea if we go close to the Pisgah National Forest and the Great Smoky Mountains National Park," says Carlisle

Esme leaves the room to get a map and quickly returns smoothing it out onto the dining room table. We all huddle around it, trying to choose the best looking place.

"If we get something in this area, it would be great," says Carlisle waving his finger over the two national parks he mentioned as well as Cherokee National Park and Chattahoochee National Forest.

_Waynesville. Is that were the new doctor said he was from? That hopefully means there is one doctor short there. If I give in my notice tomorrow, that would mean that we could be down in Waynesville Tennessee by June at the latest_.

"Sounds good," I say  
_  
_"What sounds good?" pipes up Rosalie

"Well, we can't just leave tomorrow, but if I give my notice tomorrow, we would wait six weeks and then move down there.

"How are we going to move down there?" she asks

"Well, we pack the belongings that we want the most, and usually leave behind the furniture in the house if we have decided to keep the house,"

"So, you have a few houses all over America?" she asks and Carlisle nods his head

"Wow," she says in awe

* * *

Carlisle contacts the hospital in Waynesville and questions whether there is a job for him there, to which there is. He hands in his resignation and we spend the next few weeks packing up our belongings. We had decided to keep the house, which made packing up a lot easier. Esme and Rosalie had gone down to try and find an appropriate house for us all, and within two weeks had found one, along with all the necessary furniture. I was secretly glad that Rosalie had something to do, to take her mind off leaving Rochester. Although there were a lot of bad memories here, this was her home and the only place she had ever known.

I step into the house for the first time. Although I had seen it so many times through the minds of both Esme and Rosalie, I was pleasantly surprised at the sheer magnificence of this place. The backyard was essentially looking out onto endless miles of green forests.

"I thought we would never move in here,"

"Rosalie, you're exaggerating. It's still 1928, you're acting as if we've been waiting _years_ to come here,"

"Carlisle had told us we would be here by June at the latest, it's almost the middle of July,"

"What did you expect him to do? Not assist at the hospital when one of the doctors was ill and leave them a doctor short?"

"No, I'm not that heartless,"

I shake my head at her and settle into my room. Somehow Esme manages to keep the same style of my rooms, yet completely different at the same time. Again, I forewent the typical bed, and instead placed a large couch against the wall facing the doorway. The wall on the right was made up of countless rows of shelves, which were soon to be covered with my favourite books that I had brought, and the books that I _will_ buy. The wall on the left had five large windows running along the entire length, with shelves beneath it that would store my records and other music items. The wall where the door was, held a large dresser that would house the many clothes that I owned.

* * *

We had been in Tennessee for about a month, and had all settled in. Rosalie and I had actually bonded over our love of cars. Although she liked to restore them, I loved to drive them, and we were in the middle of deciding whether to buy a 1918 Type 57 Cadillac or a 1928 Ford Roadster while on the way to the forest to hunt. Rosalie wanted to buy the 1918 car and to restore it because 'no doubt it would be in poor condition, and it would allow her to make it go faster', but I didn't know if I could wait that long, I wanted a new car _now.  
_  
"Ok, we can talk about it later, I have to hunt," I say

"I'll see you in about an hour?" she asks

I nod my head and we dart of in different directions. Three deer and an elk later and I am satiated as best as I can be from feeding on animals. I start running back to where Rosalie and are meant to meet when my mind picks up on Rosalie's internal yelling.

_Edward! Help me! Edward, you have to help him! Hold on!  
_  
Through her mind I see that she is carrying a man, if it wasn't such a dire situation, it would be comical to see the blonde haired Rosalie carrying this huge man and running full speed. I reach her within a matter of seconds.

"Edward, you have to save him,"

"Rosalie, I don't have that kind of restraint, it's hard enough for me to be here now let alone try and drink from him,"

"Do you think he can make it by the time we get to Carlisle?" she asks

I survey the extensive injuries he has suffered and decide to reassure Rosalie.

"If we get him to Carlisle quick enough. I'll run ahead and give him the heads up and then we'll be all set," she nods her head

_She's an angel. My beautiful blonde haired goddess_.

I smile wryly at the man's assessment of Rosalie.

Moments later, I was running up the porch steps and into the living room.

"Rosalie is going to be here soon," I say, "She wants you to change someone,"

Carlisle looks surprised, "Rosalie? She wants me to change someone?"

I understood his confusion, Rosalie didn't like our lifestyle since it stopped her from moving forward in life, and to ask Carlisle to change someone else, knowing that she is so against this lifestyle is truly puzzling.

"I know, but I think she sees something in him,"

"In _him_?" asks Esme

"Yes a male," I say

Carlisle nods his head and clears the cushions from the couch, and pushing the coffee table back to allow more space. Moments later, Rosalie comes bustling in and places the man where Carlisle shows her.

Esme and I leave the room, but Rosalie refuses to and decides to stay by the man's side for the whole time. I walk in there from time to time, trying to reassure Rosalie by reading the man's mind and giving her updates.

"Edward," she calls again

"Yes," I say walking into the room

"What's he thinking?" she asks with pleading eyes

I stand there and watch the array of images passing through the man's eyes, and I chuckle.

"He thinks that he's in hell, and sees this as a punishment for all of his past sins and bad behaviour. He doesn't actually remember much but he knows that he was quite mischievous, but his memories are already quite blurry, which doesn't surprise me since he must have had a large head injury from the bear you saved him from," I pause for a few more seconds listening to him some more and chuckle again, "He thinks that you're an angel and that he would gladly endure this torture if he wakes up to see you, but he is surprised that someone as beautiful as you is in hell as well. He's currently thinking about whether you are going to be here when he wakes up or whether you are here to merely torture him,"

She nods her head and smiles, before squeezing his hand again and whispering, "I'll be here,"

After three days, the man slowly begins to wake up, and Rosalie remains seated by his side, I'm standing behind her defensively, while Carlisle stands by Esme a little to the side.

"He's waking up," I announce and moments later the man's eyes begin to flutter.

"You're here," he says as he takes in Rosalie's form.

**A/N: Did you like it? Worth the wait?  
Anyways, I hope you all review...they are such great incentives! I want to thank everyone for reviewing last chapter and surpassing the 400 number...looking for 450 this time?  
Anyways, the next chapter should be up in the next few days!  
PLEASE REVIEW and I hope you liked the chapter!**


	19. Running

**A/N: I know this chapter was meant to go up last week but I seriously couldn't get it sounding right, so after a week delay the latest chapter is here! Thank you SO much to everyone who reviewed, you'll be happy to note that the next chapter WILL be up by Sunday and I hope you review!  
****The chapter title comes from the song Running by Evermore.**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__After three days, the man slowly begins to wake up, and Rosalie remains seated by his side, I'm standing behind her defensively, while Carlisle stands by Esme a little to the side.  
"He's waking up," I announce and moments later the man's eyes begin to flutter.  
_"_You're here," he says as he takes in Rosalie's form.  
_  
EPOV  
"You're here," says the man staring intently at Rosalie

"I'm here," she says smiling back sweetly at him

"Where am I?" he asks taking in his surroundings including Esme, Carlisle and myself.

"You're at our house in Tennessee," I respond

_Pretty swanky house_ he notes

I let a smile at that thought, if he only knew about the other houses...

He scratches his throat absentmindedly, but continues to look around before his eyes settle back to Rosalie.

_Edward, do you want to be the one to tell him about...us?_ asks Carlisle

_Ohhh, he's so handsome, they both look so enamoured with each other_ notes Esme

"So..." begins the stranger and I realise we hadn't introduced ourselves and he was finding it odd that we were surrounding him like this

"Sorry this is our family, Esme and Carlisle Cullen, I'm Edward," I say gesturing to them off to the side, "And this is Rosalie,"

He nods at Rosalie, "I'm Emmett, Emmett McCarty," he pauses for a moment before a sheepish grin appears on his face, "Could someone tell me by any chance how I'm here?"

"What do you remember?" asks Rosalie

"To be honest, I don't remember much, everything seems like a big blur to me. The last thing I remember is drifting away from the group to avoid an uncomfortable talk with my father when...this huge bear appears in front of me,"

Through his mind, I can see Emmett's surprise at the large black bear, and Emmett slowly trying to back away from it, but he tripped on the root of a tree and made his presence known. I try and block out the rest of the horrific scene where the bear starts to maul Emmett, and out of instinct I close my eyes and my head snaps away from Emmett's direction as if that would block out the image. Thankfully Emmett's train of thought is broken by my seemingly odd behaviour

_I wonder what's wrong with this Edward fellow. Maybe he likes Rosalie; well clearly the angel is more interested in me...  
_  
I snort out loud in regards to his comical thoughts, prompting him to think that I'm a little crazy, much like Rosalie thought when she first discovered my powers.

"Ok, Emmett, after the bear...what do you remember?" asks Carlisle steering the topic of conversation back to something of relevance

Emmett tries to think back, and through his mind I see the blurry memory where Rosalie is carrying him looking a mixture of protectiveness and dare I say love.

"Wow," says Emmett dragging the word into two syllables, "You carried me?" he asks Rosalie incredulously

She looks at him intently, "yes, I did," she says defiantly as if it was a common occurrence for a woman to run while carrying a 300 pound man.

"How?" he asks, again instinctively scratching his neck in order to relieve the fire that was no doubt scorching his throat

"Well...we're not ordinary _people_," begins Rosalie

I snort at her introduction to the topic that we're vampires. She sends me a death glare, and threatens me telepathically

_I might not be able to catch you fast enough to inflict harm on you, but I don't doubt that Emmett will be able to...  
_  
"Because that would be a better approach?" I ask and smile sarcastically

_Is there something wrong with Edward? He just spoke out of context and out of turn, what he said didn't even make sense..._ Thinks Emmett and it takes all of my restraint not to laugh, so I just leave the smile on my face while he watches me cautiously

"Ok, so as Rosalie said we're not ordinary people...have you heard of Bram Stoker—" I ask

"_You're_ Bram Stoker?" he interrupts in amazement

"Do I look like a 65-year old, dead man?" I ask, albeit only the age was off-mark

He shakes his head and laughs, "no, you look quite alive to me,"

"Well, that's where you're wrong,"

"What? You're dead?" he guffaws

I just look at him expressionless, until his laughter fades.

"I think you're a strange fellow Edward, you're clearly alive," he says and then looks at Carlisle, "I think there's something wrong with him," Emmett whispers conspiratorially while pointing at me not so subtlety

I roll my eyes at his antics, and surprisingly everyone, including Rosalie, is smiling at him, _You're method was definitely better _she comments  
_  
_"Well it's not like I can finish a whole sentence to tell him," I retort

"Tell who what," asks Emmett looking at me oddly, and once again thinking I am talking to myself

"That we're vampires," I say nonchalantly, causing a wave of laughter to burst out of Emmett's mouth

"Edward," admonishes Esme, while I just shrug my shoulders.

After the laughter subsides once again, Emmett looks at me, then to Rosalie, then to Esme and Carlisle, "I really think that you need to get a doctor to see him," he says pointing to me

"Oh, Carlisle _is_ a doctor," says Rosalie

"Could you have complicated this anymore? Why on earth did you tell him that?" I ask

"Because he is,"

"It's easier to grasp the concept of vampirism when you don't claim that there is a vampire doctor in the room,"

Esme and Carlisle share a short laugh, but I am too focused on verbally sparring with Rosalie to concentrate what is going on in either of their minds...probably something I _really_ don't want to visualise regarding doctors and patients.

"Ok, so let me get this straight, you are claiming that you're vampires?" he asks

I nod my head.

"Then why am I still alive? I mean, if you were vampires wouldn't you have killed me and sucked my blood already?"

"Well, you see, you're a vampire too..." I say and let the words hang in the air

"Seriously?" he asks, and his mind is virtually blank, as if he is in shock over the news.

We all nod our heads, and then Emmett says the most unexpected thing

"That's fantastic," he says grinning wildly

We all look at him strangely, "you _want_ to be a vampire?" asks Rosalie

"_Want_ isn't exactly the word I'd use, I never knew they existed but now that I am one, it doesn't seem like it would be too bad,"

Since Rosalie has a problem with our life, she can't understand how Emmett is so accepting of the new turn of events and recoils slightly from him. Emmett's senses pick up on the movement and he raises a questioning eyebrow.  
_  
Why isn't she happy that I am a vampire? She's a vampire, as if a relationship with a human and a vampire would work...pfft, is it even possible to have sex with a human if you're a vampire? _

"So how does this all work?" he says scratching his neck again, "And can I please have a glass of water or something, I feel like my throat is on fire or something,"

"Emmett, you're a vampire," I reiterate

He nods, "You said that already,"

"So...water isn't going to quench your thirst,"

"You mean, I'm never going to have to eat again?" he asks shocked

We all shake our heads no  
_  
Does that mean I'll never get drunk again?_

"And no, you won't ever have to or probably want to drink again, and that includes alcohol, so you'll probably never be drunk again," I add answering his silent thought

"Awww...that kind of sucks," he comments

"No wonder he thought he was in hell," I murmur earning slight laugh from everybody, even from Rosalie. We should have found Emmett sooner, maybe then she wouldn't have been so cold and would lighten up a little

Carlisle claps his hands, "Ok, this has gone on far enough. Let's get to the details so Emmett can go hunt because as he's already said he's thirsty,"

"Amen to that," says Emmett

We all gape at him in surprise.  
_  
Ohh...they're vampires, they're not that big on religion...oops._ I start laughing at his internal monologue. I have a feeling that Emmett's presence will be very welcomed.

"Do you always make it a habit to laugh or speak unnecessarily?" he asks me truly curious  
_  
Edward, he needs to hunt...catch up later and explain now _communicates Carlisle but before I get a chance to change topics, Emmett has moved on

"Ok, so we're vampires?" he asks

"Yes,"

"We drink blood?"

"Yes, except we have chosen to drink from animals as opposed to humans, but you are free to do as you wish," answers Carlisle

"Is this some special club for only animal blood drinkers?" he pauses, "I mean that if I _did_ choose to hunt humans, would I still be able to live here?"

"I don't think you'd want to, human drinkers tend to be less interested in living in a coven and instead tend to live on their own or in much smaller groups in order to be able to hunt their prey better," explains Carlisle

Even though Emmett is only asking these questions because he is curious and has no real intention of actually hunting humans, Rosalie is staring at him with uncontained shocked; eyes wide and mouth open.  
_  
Edward is he being serious? What is wrong with him? Was he a murderer as a human...is that why he thought he was in hell?  
_  
"Is there anything else you'd like to ask?" I say trying to cut through the endless internal monologue of the vampires in the room who are trying to make sense of Emmett's question to hunt humans

"Yes, if you don't mind," he asks looking a little sheepish, I just nod my head, "you said that you all drink blood from animals.." and again I just nod my head, "Is there a list of animals that  
I choose from or can I hunt whatever tickles my fancy?"

Accessing Emmett's mind, I realise the train of thought that Emmett is following; he is curious as to whether he can hunt bears because he wants to get revenge on the entire bear species for ending his own life, and I laugh at the irony

"Emmett, you are free to do whatever you please," repeats Carlisle

"Which means that you can choose any animal you want, including bears. We just have to be observant of the population around us, we can's just kill of entire species...no matter the animal," I add

He nods his head and imagines fighting a bear, and then his imagination kicks in and he starts wondering whether he can kill deer and foxes, and tigers...

"You can stay here and live on animals, or leave and hunt humans," I say bluntly ending the endless madness that is going on in Emmett's mind

"Well, I don't feel like killing people so I guess animals it is," he says clapping his hands once

Rosalie lets out a sigh of relief to which Emmett raises an eyebrow

"Oh, did you think I would leave you doll face?" he asks, "I was merely curious as to whether you all hunted animals,"

"Well, drinking from humans leads vampires to have red eyes and those that drink from animals have topaz coloured eyes," explains Rosalie as she hands him a mirror. He stares at his  
red eyes for a moment and breaks the moment of silence once he is satisfied with his inspection

"So, can we turn into bats?" he asks

"That's a myth,"

"Burn in the sun?"

"Myth. We tend to...sparkle instead," says Rosalie

"Sparkle? I _sparkle_," he asks with a thin veil of disgust to which I laugh,

"Our bodies are like rocks, we reflect the light like granite causing us to shine in the direct sunlight only," I explain

"I'm not going in the sun," he says adamantly and crosses his arms to emphasise his point

"Ok Emmett, whatever you say," I say trying to appease him

"So, do we have reflections?"

"Yes, we are physical objects; we don't become invisible in front of a mirror,"

"Does holy water burn us?"

"Again, a myth,"

"How about the cross?"

"It's merely a geometric shape; its significance doesn't do anything to us,"

"How about garlic?"

"Other than smelling as bad as all human food, it doesn't affect us,"

"Huh," he says reflecting on the answers I gave him

"Ok let's go," says Carlisle clapping his hands

"Go where?" asks Emmett defensively

"To get rid of your burning throat,"

"You mean I'm going to hunt?"

"Yes,"

"Are you going to give me a gun?" he asks

"You're a vampire; you use your body,"

"My body?"

I roll my eyes, "Emmett, we mentioned this already, your body is like a rock, animals won't do anything to us,"

"Why isn't he retaining the information we have given him?" Esme whispers to Carlisle

"Maybe he was dumb as a human?" I volunteer as a joke, causing Rosalie to snarl and Emmett to rise from the couch

"I'm not dumb, it's just a lot to take in, and I'm _so_ thirsty that I can't focus on a lot," says Emmett slowly bending into a crouch

"Well let's go quench your thirst, then you won't have an excuse for being so dumb," I smirk and dash out of the house before anyone can consciously move

We all trudge back to the house satiated, none more so than Emmett. If his size and today's hunt is anything to go by, Emmett might be solely responsible for the extinction of every animal in the world.

"So what are we going to do now?" he asks as we enter the living room

"You can do whatever you please Emmett, but I must be getting to work soon,"

"So you really are a doctor?" he asks

Carlisle chuckles, "yes I am,"

"But doesn't the blood bother you?"

"I've been around for quite a while and I've learnt to deal with it. I think having not tasted it helps a lot,"

"You mean you've _never_ been tempted to drink human blood?"

"I've been tempted, it's in our nature to crave it, but I've never acted on those instincts,"

"Wow. Have you ever drunk human blood?" he asks Rosalie

She shakes her head no.

_What if I slip? Will they banish me from here?_

"Emmett, you're worrying too much, this is your home too, even if you slip," I say trying to quash his fears

"How do you always know what I'm thinking?" he asks curiously

Esme and Carlisle leave the room with smiles on their faces while I prepare myself to explain to Emmett about vampiric powers.

"I can read minds,"

"Seriously?" he asks in awe, "That is so cool, well at least you're not crazy,"

"I just told you that I can read your mind and you claim that I'm _not _crazy,"

"Well, it's more reasonable than the alternative; talking to yourself," he says while I laugh at his logic

"So you know what I'm thinking right now?" he asks while I nod my head, "Prove it,"

"I thought that I've already proven it to you,"

"Yes, but I want to see it happen in action,"

"Fine,"

"Ok, do I just start now?" I nod my head  
_  
Hmmm...so if you can read minds you can probably hear what I'm saying now. That must be pretty cool. _I shrug_. As if it's not cool, you'd know what every girl is thinking, you could be the perfect man to her, you won't have to guess what you did wrong, you could just apologise straightaway. You have single-handedly figured women out_ I laugh at his train of thought and shake my head

"Speak out loud, I want to know what's going on," pouts Rosalie  
_  
Don't tell her, she'll probably hurt me_ I laugh again while Rosalie gets more agitated.

"Six," I say aloud

"What's six?" asks Rosalie

"Emmett wanted me to say what number he's thinking of out loud,"

_Thanks. I've never had a brother, but if they're as cool as you, I guess I've been missing out. Now I'm thinking of the number 7,894  
_  
I smile back at him, "7,894,"

"Wow. So how does it work?" he asks

We spend the next day explaining to Emmett about vampires, Rosalie takes charge of the conversation, to which I have no problems. She covers the basics of Carlisle and Esme's lives and allows me to say my own history. I decide to forgo explaining about Bella as I don't feel like talking about it now and I haven't known Emmett for that long to be able to delve too much into my past. Rosalie raises an eyebrow at me thinking whether I'll explain about my love life, to which I reply "are you ready to share?" She understands what I mean and nods her head. Emmett is slightly confused by our exchange but doesn't push us to explain.

Life with Emmett around is...different and not necessarily in bad way. His first six hunts went without a hitch since he had the four of us to make sure he wasn't let loose on any humans that had gone astray in the forest and become unsuspecting meals. His seventh hunt was quite as successful; in fact you could say it was a spectacular failure.

Although it was clear even then that Rosalie and Emmett were mates, it was too soon for them to require a bed and Esme and Carlisle wanted to make sure that Emmett was comfortable with us and had his own space, which is why on that particular day Esme was decorating one of the empty rooms with the left over materials used for my room. Carlisle was working at the hospital like usual, and I was in town to escape the confines of the house and to give Rosalie and Emmett some time alone. What none of us foresaw was Emmett outrunning Rosalie in order to drain the delicious animals with the tantalising scent. Those animals ended up being two hunters who had gotten lost and ended up in Emmett's range of smell. He managed to snap the neck of both humans and drain a body before Rosalie tackled him onto the ground. Moments later Esme caught up to them and helped Rosalie to restrain Emmett.

Somehow he managed to break out of his blood induced haze and realise what he had done. Rather than finishing off the second human he ran his fastest into the house and took refuge in my room. I came back soon after to find Esme and Rosalie talking in hushed whispers in the living room about what to do. They had left him on his own to wallow after being asked for some privacy. Esme had managed to tell him that it was a natural response and that she had slipped a few times as well, but Emmett didn't want to hear about it, he thought he should be stronger and be able to resist it. It was my job to talk to him and make him understand that he was simply following his instincts.

I told him about my rebellious time of living off humans and how I felt about it. Of course I am remorseful of my actions, but I still felt slightly justified about who my victims were. After explaining to Emmett that everyone is different and that our lifestyle goes against our nature, Emmett seemed to grasp that he was a newly transformed vampire whose body sought out human blood but with time he would manage to fight the temptation better.

Although he accepted his actions of that day and tried hard not to repeat them, in the last six years he had killed many more people. Where the regret and guilt ate him up the first couple of times, he slowly began to accept the consequences of his actions. It wasn't that Emmett developed a disregard for human life, he just managed to handle it better and on the many numerous occasions sprouted the philosophical line, "what's done is done."

It only took Rosalie and Emmett a few months after his change for them to begin seeing each other exclusively. She had even told him about the story behind her change, which, understandably, had Emmett in a rage. He was, however, slightly appeased once he found out Rosalie managed to get her revenge on them. Unlike when Esme and Rosalie left their newborn phase, we didn't leave Tennessee after the first year or so after Emmett was changed. Rosalie had asked him if he would mind staying here longer and Emmett being devoted and in love with Rosalie acquiesced to her request.

Although it seemed like Emmett was staying because Rosalie didn't want to move again, Emmett was in fact anxious about leaving his home. He had never ventured out of Tennessee and although he had never seen his family since his 'death', he still felt close to them by being near them. This is why Emmett and I are going to see his family, under the pretence that we are going on an extended hunting trip. Hopefully this would help Emmett move on with his life.

"Now remember, you are _not_ under _any_ circumstances to go near them," I say as we linger at the forest edge

"I know Edward, you have mentioned that 337 times since you came up with this idea," he sighs

"Well I want you to be prepared, you're going to have this overwhelming notion to go to them and hug them and talk to them. You're going to want them to see that you are ok, but I swear if you do that I will personally tear you limb from limb,"

He laughs, "like you could take me,"

I roll my eyes, "Do you remember where the house is or do we have to ask someone?"

He squints his eyes thoughtfully and I invade his blurry thoughts. I follow Emmett to his family house and stay hidden behind the thick forestry. Seeing as it's summer, there is a group of people in the garden having lunch. There is a little kid running around maybe three or four years old, but mostly everyone is seated.

"Is this the right house?" I ask

He nods his head and stares at the woman handing a bowl of some disgusting human food to the woman next to her. I realise that this must be Emmett's mother.

His eyes survey the people in front of us and his mind recognises his sister as being the lady playing with the small child.

"I'm an uncle," he whispers before looking at the people once more.

He notices his father, also a large man who is more solemn looking than what Emmett remembers.

"Can you hear what they are thinking?" he asks knowing the answer

"Who do you want to hear?" I ask

"My dad," he says.

"He's listening to the man next to him talking about some new car being released, and his mind has travelled back to you and how you got a car as a gift from a friend,"

"Oh yeah, I think it was a Ford Tudor, let's go check it out,"

"Are you sure you don't want to stay and watch a little longer?"

"No, it's fine. It's been six years, I was just hoping that they weren't wallowing in my disappearance slash death still, but it's good to see them. They don't look as happy as they used to be, but that's no surprise, but my sister is a mum, and my youngest sister looks to have a suitor so it seems like everyone is set,"

I nod my head at him and allow him to lead me to the front of the house to see his old car.

"Is this it?" I laugh

"Hey, this was my first car and it was the twenties what do you expect?"

"Who gave it to you?" I ask checking out the interior

_"I can't take your car," _  
_"Think of it as a loan, for when I come back," says the blurred figure_  
_"But, it's your car..." sputters Emmett_  
_"Emmett, what am I going to do with a Ford Tudor in Alaska of all places?"_

I stand up straight and look at Emmett wide-eyed, "Go back,"

He looks around him panicked, "go where? Is someone coming?"

"No, in your head go back,"

"My head?"

"To what you were thinking before,"

I try to look at his mind but it's still blurry and he can only think of a girl with brown hair.

"What's her name? The girl that gave you the car?"

He starts thinking aloud, "I can't remember, something on B I think,"

"B?" I ask puzzled

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure,"

"Are you sure it wasn't an I?" I ask clinging onto some wild hope that it was maybe Isabella.

He shakes his head, "Nah, definitely B. Hmmm...B...B...Be...Becca,"

"Becca?"

"I think that's her name," he pauses "I've remembered her sometimes but just moments. I think she used to make me breakfast,"

"Are you sure her name didn't begin with I?" I asked adamantly

"I'm almost 100% sure it was Becca,"

I lean on the car deflated. I can't believe I let myself believe for even a few moments that she was alive. I mean, what on earth would she have been doing here in Tennessee? And if it was her, why would she go to Alaska?

"Why did she go to Alaska?" I ask him

He looks at me curiously realising that I was listening to him, before trying to remember;  
_  
What's wrong?" Emmett asks picking up on the tension in the room  
"My..uh, my grandmother is sick, she wrote me to tell me that she needs me there, she doesn't think she has long to live," the girl says  
"Wow, I hope she feels better soon, where does she live?"  
"In Alaska,"_

"Her grandmother was sick," he says and I just nod my head absentmindedly.

There is no way that that woman is or ever was _her; _all her grandparents had died by the time she was 10 and she couldn't remember them. If only Emmett could visualise her face rather than a brown haired girl with a blurry face, with no distinguishable features.

I shake my head and ask Emmett if he's ready to go.

"Yeah I'm good, are you ok?" he asks as we start running

"Yeah, I just thought I knew that girl,"

"We can go to Alaska and see if we can track down Bec?" he says uncertainly

"Bec?" I question

"I don't think I would have called her Becca, it's such an odd name, maybe her real name was Rebecca?"

I shrug, "Maybe, but we are not going to Alaska, where would we begin?"

"Did you _like_ her?" he asks teasingly

"I didn't even know this Becca girl,"

"Yes but you knew the I-girl,"

"I-girl?"

"Well, you didn't say her name so I just had to use a general term,"

I laugh softly and then sigh, "her name was Isabella, she is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and even gone she still has my heart,"

Emmett just smiles softly at me and we run silence, both of us lost in thought about the women who stole our hearts.

**A/N: Ohh, I'm tempting you all, Edward is always on the brink of finding out! I know some of you are probably going to mention this but Emmett can't see Bella's face, it's just blurry, and he also can't remember her eyes. I'm sure it's happened to you all when you try to remember someone you've seen a couple of times and can't seem to **_**SEE**_** them, you just know an outline, well that's what Emmett is visualising.  
Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter...hopefully we can get into the 500's for next chapter!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	20. Chances

**A/N: I cannot apologise enough for my sustained absence. To be honest, I had lost a lot of motivation in writing this story. I always knew what was going to happen but I wasn't able to put it in words, and that frustration only added to my procrastination in writing. But I have to say that I am back. I know I have set multiple deadlines for this story, but I will have this story finished within two weeks, three at the most. Thanks to everyone that has stuck by me, I can't thank you enough. The chapter title comes from the song, Chances by Five for fighting.**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__"Yeah I'm good, are you ok?" he asks as we start running  
_"_Yeah, I just thought I knew that girl,"  
_"_We can go to Alaska and see if we can track down Bec?" he says uncertainly  
_"_Bec?" I question  
_"_I don't think I would have called her Becca, it's such an odd name, maybe her real name was Rebecca?"  
__I shrug, "Maybe, but we are not going to Alaska, where would we begin?"  
_"_Did you like her?" he asks teasingly  
_"_I didn't even know this Becca girl,"  
"Yes but you knew the I-girl,"  
_"_I-girl?"  
_"_Well, you didn't say her name so I just had to use a general term,"  
__I laugh softly and then sigh, "her name was Isabella, she is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and even gone she still has my heart,"  
Emmett just smiles softly at me and we run silence, both of us lost in thought about the women who stole our hearts._

BPOV

Here I am sitting in my house in Seattle trying to deduce what my next plan of attack can be. I had grown used to having constant company with me, that now my solitude feels like a sentence as opposed to a self appointed exile.

Emmett had truly become a bright spot not only in my day but for this period of my life sans Edward. Although nothing ever romantic would, or ever could, have happened between the two of us, his friendship was something I will always cherish and desperately miss.

But now that I have left him and Tennessee, I face the problem of what I'm meant to do next. Ok, not _meant _to do but, what could be my next step? I can see myself easily trying to assimilate into human communities but the idea of leaving the people I grow attached to is harder than I expected and I don't know whether I could do that constantly; lying to Emmett and leaving him was hard enough, I don't know if I can imagine myself doing that on a regular basis in order to prevent suspicion from arising over my lack of aging face or non-existent penchant of human food.

But what is my other option? Living with Carlisle and Esme is a strong possibility but now that their "son" has come back, I don't doubt that they'd try and pair us up together, and since I'm still deeply emotionally involved with my dead husband, that option is definitely off the list.

Denali is great and all, as well as the whole coven who reside there, but it's not the lifestyle I am comfortable with on a daily basis. Of course Carmen and Eleazar are perfect for each other, but I highly doubt that I could handle Tanya, Kate and Irina's constant scouring for human men in order to satiate their sexual appetites. It was bearable to live with them for those few months that they were teaching me about my powers, but that was only because everyone was so engrossed with my abilities that it left little desire for them to dabble in their extra-curricular activities.

I spend the first couple of days since leaving Tennessee simply tidying up the house and updating the furniture, as well as managing my finances tied up in the stock market. I manage to venture into the city daily due to the veil of fog that resides over the city here in winter, however, as much as I love my house here and as beautiful as Seattle is, it isn't the most practical location for a vampire. The weather is perfect, almost always veiling the city in layers of clouds, however, the amount of people that constantly surround me could prove to be a temptation sooner or later, and I want to avoid that forever if I can. Knowing more about my power, has led me to conclude that my shield managed to block the scent of human blood on a daily basis. Although, my shield is quite reliable in warding off the appeal of human blood, there is a limited diet for me in Seattle; it's not exactly plausible for me to live without sustenance and I refuse to live off stray dogs and cats, and darting off every night to hunt some place nearby is impractical and will no doubt garner attention sooner or later.

It's only one day when I am coming home from a bookstore that I make a decision; I am going to move to a small town and live out the next few years there. As soon as I get home, I place the books in the library and take out the map of the country. Chicago is ruled out before I even smooth out the creases of the map, as well as every other major city that doesn't have easy accessibility to animals. I decide to go south again, and somehow decide on Mississippi. I notice that there is a forest and obviously on the water, and I'm sold. I can only imagine how beautiful it will look, I've never lived on the water, and just like that I'm excited about moving.

I had managed to find a nice cabin near the small bay, in Latimer, and Mississippi was turning out to be as every bit wonderful as I hoped it to be. It was located perfectly in the De Soto Forest, allowing me easy feeding, not to mention the other nearby pseudo hunting grounds.

Despite the fact that I would have _loved_ to be a teacher or do something a little more stimulating with my days, I managed to find a job as a seamstress. Although, I had managed to get the money that my parents had "left" behind with their deaths, I had already bought three houses with that money, invested in shares but I needed more money if I was going to survive for the rest of, well...eternity living comfortably. So, this job as a seamstress wasn't too bad. I spent my days with women of all types of ages; there were girls "my age" who would grow up to be housewives and were simply helping their family with whatever income they could and then there were older women who were doing this job in order to retrieve what would be a major asset to their family. Regardless of motives and age, we would sit in a large hall, and would work on our designated items day in, day out, all the while talking and laughing with each other. Although it has been more than ten years since the war ended, hearing some of these women's views on the events, I am not only glad that I was young and naive to understand what was going on in the world, but I am forever thankful that—albeit subconsciously—managed to persuade Edward not to enlist.

It has been six months since I had incorporated myself into the lifestyle of these local Mississippians and I really liked it. Tennessee was my first foray into living with humans, and reflecting back on it, it seems that I was slightly more introverted than the typical human. Even though I had a close relationship with Emmett, which was frowned upon by many traditional and archaic persons as being 'inappropriate', I didn't bond too closely—or rather at all—with others unless it was through Emmett. Thankfully, I had Emmett to dispel any gossip of me being a loose cannon and a danger to the community, but here in Mississippi, there is no Emmett, hence my high level of involvement with the community.

It took my vampire mind about two weeks to fully grasp how not to draw negative attention to oneself, and retrospectively, it makes a lot of sense. The key thing is to be seen, but not talked about. You see, it is necessary to find a balance between the two because if you are too much of a recluse, people begin to talk about your mysterious air and from there build a whole heap of rumours—almost always something negative and extreme—but on the other hand, if you are constantly doing something noteworthy in the community, attention is drawn to you, and from there you will always be talked about since you are a person of interest. Thus, my approach to living in this small town has been to go to work with the women, go home and from time to time socialise with them on the weekends, or purposefully bump into someone in the supermarket, and that is all.

I guess following that very well thought out plan is what has led me here to be walking home by myself on a Friday night. I had accepted the invitation from a girl at work to come to a dinner party to celebrate her birthday. I had purposefully come late to miss the dinner, despite knowing the rude social implications it has but I chalked it up to an extremely late taxi driver. Thankfully my arrival had coincided with the beginnings of the dance and hence all attention was returned to the birthday girl.

I had actually enjoyed myself tonight, it was easy going and I felt my pretence slipping from time to time, not to the extent that it would reveal who I could possibly be, but it allowed me to be more honest with them when giving answers. As I reflect on the night, of course my mind begins to wander into nostalgic territory and I think about Edward and I at a dinner party—would he make me dance? I smile at the thought because knowing Edward, we would be the first ones dancing until my feet were aching, and even then, he'd probably place me on his feet and keep twirling me around.

I am broken out of my reverie when I pick up distant voices with my vampiric hearing

"It would be a lot easier if you would stop trying to run away, trust me little girl, you cannot outrun me," says a smooth and sinister voice

"Please, leave me alone," stutters out a girl, and although she probably says it as a whisper, I can hear her loud and clear

"Tsk tsk tsk," says the man, "We're going to have some fun tonight,"

I pick up on the underlying tone of his voice that whatever he has planned will only be fun for him and upon hearing this, I duck into the alleyways and sprint as quickly as I can to the suspected location. Thankfully, the girl whose party it was tonight had decided to celebrate at her parent's house, which is in a neighbouring town and thus I have almost zero chance of bumping into someone I know.

I continue to follow the voices and as I round the corner I take in the sight of a blonde, tall man standing over a girl who is huddled on the ground crying. I follow my instincts, not thinking about what I'm doing and by the man registers my presence I have already leapt off the ground and pushed him into the brick wall of the alley. If I was actually paying attention to what was going on, I would have noticed that the man that I had just pushed isn't a man at all, but a vampire, but alas, it takes the indent of his body into the brick wall for me to realise this fact.

"I think it's time for you to leave," he growls

"I don't think so," I snarl back at him

He picks up on my scent and takes note of my eyes before straightening up and smirking at me.

"Do you call yourself a vampire?" he asks boldly

I just hiss at him, not bothering to reply.

"Because a real vampire would not interrupt another from their meal,"

"She's not food," I ground out

"She is for me," he says and snaps his teeth, "I know you probably don't understand that since you feed off common animals,"

"It's better than thriving off innocent girls in alleyways,"

"I don't doubt that you would prefer her to be a male, then you could really have some fun," he says lecherously

I scowl disgusted, "it's not necessary to kill her,"

"What do you suggest I do?" he asks leaning against the brick wall with his arms crossed in front of him, "I've heard whispers of your kind; humanitarian vampires. I think you need to understand little girl that _that_ is mutually exclusive,"

I roll my eyes, "Choose whatever you want, but there is no need to prey on young girls, that is someone's sister, someone's daughter, someone's cousin—"

"—and she can be a _my_ pet in her final moments," he says and as soon as he utters the vile words I see red and pounce on him into the brick wall, causing dust to fall.

"You disgusting excuse of a person," I say and thrust his head into the wall again

He doesn't bother fighting me, instead choosing to smirk at me, "I think the sooner you accept that we are not people, but in fact vampires, you won't be so opposed to playing with your food,"

I thrust him into the brick wall again, causing him to snarl at me.

"I've had enough little girl. Continue to fight me and I will end you,"

I snarl at him, but the sound of footsteps nearby startle us. It would be easy for this monster to annihilate anybody that approaches us, but clearly he understands that I would put up one hell of a fight, and it doesn't seem to be worth it.

"You may have saved her tonight, but you won't be there to save my next meal or the one after that or the one after that," he smirks, pushing me off him before scaling the wall of the building and fleeing.

I rush over to the woman and find her slouched against the wall. Given the lack of blood lingering in the air, I assume that she fainted from the shock of the experience rather than a head wound. I crouch down next to her and try to rouse her. She starts to moan just as three men approach us.

"What is happening here?" they demand

"I was walking home from a dinner party when I heard screams coming from the alleyway and saw this woman being attacked by a man,"

The men look around and see no signs of anyone else around.

"A man was attacking her?"

"Yes. I assume that my appearance must have startled him,"

The woman in my arms begins to moan and slowly opens her eyes.

"Are you ok?" I ask

She groans again before her eyes flutter again, "yes. What happened?"

After re-counting everything to the gentlemen, I decide I best be off before anyone questions me further and before the scent of that monster disappears into nothing.

I stand up brushing the dirt off the alleyway from my skirt and bid the group farewell. The woman stands up quickly, stumbling a bit from a head spin and grasps me into a hug.

"I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did for me tonight,"

I smile softly back at her, "No one deserves to go through that,"

As soon as I round the corner and disappear into the shadows, I let my instincts guide me and try to track the disgusting animal more vile than any I had met before.

My previous attempts at tracking have been very limited and not very successful, but the anger that is coursing through me is enough incentive not to give up and to try and catch him so that I can tear him apart and burn him.

I pick up on his scent leading me to the forest, and a long way into it. At first I begin to believe that this might be a sort of trap, but given that the path is still leading me forward and I pick up on the presence of humans, I deduce that he is ready for his next victim.

What I am unprepared for however, is the scent of another vampire, different to the one from the alley. The two scents and the appearance of a large building in the middle of nowhere stop me short. My mind runs a mile a minute as to what I should do. The possibility that these two vampires are in a coven together is more likely than any other alternative that I can think of, and running in there looking for the blonde vampire from the alley would likely mean that I would be taking on two vampires at once. I am almost hesitant to even entertain the idea of going ahead with my earlier plans given my non-existent experience in fighting other vampires, but the possibility that I let this fiend carry on with his actions is insurmountable. Having decided that I cannot walk away from this, my mind begins to whir in scenarios of how this is going to happen. Of course, my power would be a huge help, being able to effectively protect myself in whichever situation I find myself in.

After a few brief moments of strategising, I go towards the large impending structure. Once on the inside, I am thoroughly surprised at where I am; a mental institution. I shake my head and try to focus. I had made grave errors tonight through my lack of perception; mistaking a vampire for a human and now blocking out various cries into the night air from various wards of the building. As I begin to focus on where the vampires could be I hear a scuffle occurring nearby.

"You cannot have her," snarls a male voice I have never heard before

"She's not yours to control," replies the vampire from earlier this evening

I rush down to where I can hear the argument.

"She doesn't deserve this James,"

"You cannot stop me, I think we both know that,"

"I will die fighting then,"

"So you have resigned yourself to death, that's good, I'd hate to kill you unsuspectingly,"

"You won't be killing him," I voice

Both vampires snap their heads to me, surprised by my obvious presence. The two vampires are standing in front of a door, where a human female is sobbing inside. Taking in the words and the crouches the two are in, I realise that I won't in fact be fighting two vampires, rather just the one from the alley, who is attempting to gain access to the female in the room behind the door.

"Who are you?" asks the dark haired man, his red eyes scrutinising me quickly before turning his attention back to James.

"This so-called 'vampire' is a thorn in my side. You really are grating on my nerves," he says straightening up slightly. "Before I kill you both, I have to know, have I missed some sort of memo that vampires are not the bloodsucking and soul less creatures that the world has been led to believe. Here we have a _female_ that dares interrupt me from my feeding, going so far as to save my meal from her inevitable death," he says looking at me with disdain before snapping back to the other vampire, "and here, we have a _vampire_ that has fallen in love with a crazy human, and I mean that she is _literally_ crazy,"

I look at the other vampire in surprise, but his face shows no emotion as to the words being sprouted off by the blonde monster before us.

"You see," he continues, "if you weren't such a disgrace to the vampire race," he says to me, "you wouldn't have to die tonight for being such a traitor and fighting vampires rather than with them. And if _you_," he says snarling, "if you truly loved her, you would have changed her into an immortal, rather than letting her live out her life in this dreadful place and leaving her defenceless, because let's face it, there is no possibility of you stopping me from what I want,"

"And what you want is to feed off her...?" I demand

"Can you not smell that luscious aroma hanging in the air? I have been biding my time for this one because I wanted to savour her and I _will_," he says before lunging at the vampire. I am quick and jump for James, swiftly pushing him into a wall.

"Take her away," I say to the vampire, who jumps at my command and runs into the room.

"Mary, it will be fine. I'm going to protect you," he says to her. Using my powers, I immobilise James, allowing the vampire to emerge, carrying the small, feeble human in his arms. She seems so delicate, like a porcelain doll, being carried by her owner.

As I am not that practiced with my powers, James breaks out of his trance due to my lack of control and swiftly pushes me into a brick wall, which I have to admit hurts like hell.

Taking my momentary lapse in concentration, he runs after the vampire who has sped out of the building extremely quickly. I stand up again, running after him as quick as I can, my previous pain long forgotten. Although James is quick, his preoccupation with me has been sufficient time for the vampire to change Mary into a vampire. Although it is not what I would wish upon her, but the immediate danger that James would prolong her torture and most probably kill her, renders it a better alternative.

"Guess you'll never be able to get her blood now James," he sneers

The evident fury on James' face is obvious and he lunges at the vampire, rapidly ripping off his head and throwing it away. Although it is in my nature to fight, having never witnessed one firsthand, the violence of it startles me, before I take away James' vision.

"I see you have a few special powers little girl," he sneers at me

"I am not a little girl," I snarl

He laughs, "I have decades on you little girl, and your little parlour tricks aren't going to stop me,"

I lunge at him, but even with his lack of vision, he is stronger and more efficient fighter than me, managing to throw me into the forest. Again, the pain I feel overrides my ability to control my power, and James gains his vision back.

He dismembers the vampires left arm and about to tear the right one as well, before I return and jump on him.

"Are you that eager for me to kill you that you're jumping the queue?" he asks

"Believe me, I won't be the one dying tonight," I say

"You seem confident about that,"

"I am. And even if I do die, at least I will have the pleasure of knowing that you will never, _ever_ drink a single drop of her blood," I smirk

He growls at me and punches me in the stomach, twisting my torso to avoid the blow.

"She may not be human, but she has blood in her. Just because she is becoming a vampire that can quickly change; if I attack her now, while there is so much succulent blood in her limbs," he smiles

I quickly deduce a plan of attack and decide to make him immobile, as well as blocking his sense of smell and sight, before running to the side of the flailing human, screaming from the fire that is making its way around her body. I start running as quickly as I can and take her near the city centre, where James would find it hard to track her amongst the humans, before running back to the mental hospital to make sure James is still in his spot.

Thankfully, my mind has adapted slightly to using my powers and he is exactly where I left him and in the same condition.

"I can hear that you're back," he says, "and I must admit that you are very talented with that little gift of yours,"

"I could tear you apart in a second," I say

"Yes, but fighting me takes too much of your concentration, and you clearly can't do both,"

I decide to take the risk anyway and attempt to rip his head off, but my animalistic instincts have once again overshadowed my mind's ability to protect myself and before I reach James, he has unfrozen and avoided my incoming body before sprinting off in the opposite direction to where I have taken Mary.

I don't know whether it's because he has given up or if he is simply doing this to put me off my trail, but I stay hot on his heels.

If I traced the path of where James had run on a map, I don't doubt it would be a jumble of zigzagging lines taking us all the way to the north of Canada before I lost track of him. The days and night had blurred and the fact that Mary was alone didn't cross my mind, being too preoccupied in putting an end to the existence of James.

By the time I get back down to Mississippi, I realise that _days_ have passed since the night at the hospital. I decide to make a detour at the hospital in case there are any memorabilia of Mary's and to pick up her records. I manage to get the folder but a strange stench lingers in the air that I didn't register in my quest to retrieve the items unseen.

It's only when I walk to the back of the hospital that I notice the forest has suffered a fire, and it doesn't take long for me to realise that the smell in the air, would be the dismembered vampire that saved Mary.

As quickly as I can, I head back to the city to be there for Mary so that she isn't frightened upon waking up as an immortal being. To my shock and utter surprise, the abandoned warehouse where I stashed her is empty and the scent of her only faintly lingers in the air, dissipating along with any chance of finding her.

**A/N: Did you like it? :S**

**I hope it wasn't a letdown from how much I made you wait!**

**Not sure precisely when the next chapter will be up, but it is SOON!**


	21. Use Somebody

**A/N: Sorry, planned to have this chapter out sooner but got caught up in the real world...sucks I know. Here's the next chapter...many of you would like to know that we are in fact nearing the end of Bella and Edward's search for one another, with only a few chapters left! Anyways, here's the next chapter, coming from the Kings of Leon "Use Somebody".**

_Previously on "Back to you"  
__As quick as I can, I head back to the city to be there for Mary so that she isn't frightened upon waking up as an immortal being. To my shock and utter surprise, the abandoned warehouse where I stashed her is empty and the scent of her only faintly lingers in the air, dissipating along with any chance of finding her.  
_

EPOV

"Stop it," says Emmett annoyed

"I can't," I reply

"Well turn it off somehow," he argues

"I don't know how to. I don't think it _turns off_,"

"Have you even _tried_?"

I turn to face him, "have I tried to not read your mind? Yes, I have tried. I have tried when you and Rosalie were in your honeymoon phase. I tried when Esme and Carlisle were in theirs. I try on a daily basis to block out the many visuals that flitter through your mind especially when you think about Rosalie. So, the fact that I can foresee your next move when we fight is your penance,"

Emmett's face falls slightly at hearing the news but then peeks up, "you mean that you've seen Rosalie naked,"

"No!" I argue

_But he just said that I fantasize a lot about her during the day_.

"You do,"

"So you _have_,"

"No, _you've_ seen her naked,"

"Semantics," he says flicking his hand

"The point is that I will always be able to prepare myself for your next step when we fight. But even if I couldn't, I would still win every time," I say taking off quickly

After being chased by Emmett for the next hour around the forest, we decide to hunt one final time before returning home. We had decided to go on an extended hunting trip to escape the monotony of the animals around our new place in Kentucky. Carlisle was backed up with patients at his new job at the hospital, while Rosalie and Esme were too busy decorating the new house, leaving the two of us to hunt.

Surprisingly, the two of us got along well despite the fact that we were quite opposite in our personalities; with Emmett constantly reminding me that I had to 'loosen up' and 'chill'. It was hard not to hate him, and he provided a good distraction from what he likes to call my favourite hobby "brooding".

Although we had become close in the last three decades that he had lived with us, he hadn't uttered a single word about Isabella, managing to pick up on the fact that she was a forbidden topic of conversation. Although he respected my privacy with my human life with Bella, it had not stopped him from constantly commenting on my lack of sex life. Once the 60's had officially become a poster-child for the free-love movement, he took every opportunity to convince me to embrace the current times and spread my 'free-love'. That line of thought caused him to be in the doghouse with Rosalie for two weeks.

I really had to hand it to Rosalie for being able to put up with him sometimes. He seemed to be her antithesis, where she was serious and austere; he was always smiling and rarely ever troubled. I guess that's why they functioned as well as they did; he helps her take the edge off and see the world as a place of opportunities rather than the grim, cold world she knows it to be.

After a myriad of comments one week of how "Eddie is the only one not getting some", Rosalie physically dragged him into the woods to proceed to tell him that he won't be the only one 'not getting some' if he didn't drop the topic of my libido. Since they ended up going out of ear shot, it was only until they came back that Emmett was looking more sombre than usual. Reading his thoughts, I came to realise that it was because Rosalie divulged the conversation we had about forty years ago, about Bella being my soul-mate and that no amount of sex with hippy, groovy girls would be able to change that.

It would have been foolish to believe that Emmett would drop the topic of sex. However, now instead of convincing me to shack up with any willing girl, his remarks consisted of comments on how I was a sixty-plus year old virgin. I didn't have it in me to amend his incorrect assessment since that would lead to comments of how I wasn't the 'good-boy' that I appeared to be, which in turn would lead to the discussion that I was married, and thus, it was much easier to deal with his taunts than that.

We were a few miles from the house when we picked up on the scent of two vampires. Instinct flushed through Emmett's body as he charged into the house guns blazing, under the false assumption that Rosalie might possibly be in trouble. You could commend him for his efforts in trying to protect his mate, but on the other hand you could insult his intelligence for not paying attention to the civil conversation that was occurring between the new female and male vampires and our existing family.

"Emmett," I call out and chase after him after he fails to respond.

_I swear if anyone has touched a hair on her head..._

I roll my eyes at Emmett's thoughts and then the strangest thing happened. I _saw_ him barrelling through the door and snarling at the blonde male vampire. He of course, stepped in front of what I can only assume is his mate and crouched low, squaring against Emmett. Before I could understand what was happening, another scene played out before me where a small black haired female was standing with the blonde male when Emmett burst through the door and placed himself in front of Rosalie, again crouching and snarling.

These thoughts confused me since I could plainly see Emmett barrelling for the house that was only a couple yards in front of us now. I followed him hot on his heels and watched the second scene play out, where Emmett flung himself through the door and tried to protect Rosalie, snarling and crouching in front of her. This action caused the blonde vampire to mirror his position. What I hadn't noticed in my mind was the scars that covered his arms and some on his face as well. Had I not been able to hear his sole thought as being to _protect Alice_, I would have allowed my vampiric nature to override rational thought and fight.

"Emmett," I call again, "they aren't a threat to us,"

"Safe for you to say since you have no one to protect," he snarls back

Anger flushes my whole body, causing the blonde vampire to snarl even more so, and another scene to appear in my mind, where I attack Emmett and the new vampire joins in the vicious fight. A sense a touch of remorse coming from him, but it's overridden by his natural instinct to protect Rose.

The black haired vampire, Alice, bounds into the middle of the mock triangle we had set up with our bodies and smiles.

"Hi, I'm Alice," she says, maintaining her smile. My anger over Emmett's comment subsides slightly and is filled with slight amusement over the little creature that has dared to intercede in a fight between three angry male vampires. She stays rooted in her position, waiting for Emmett and I to acknowledge her greetings despite her mate's attempts to shift her behind him.

"Hi Alice," I say straightening up

She smiles back at me, "Hi Edward. This is my mate, Jasper," she says introducing the blonde male that only slightly straightens up and smiles at her.

I nod my head at him.

Carlisle interrupts the standoff and places a hand on Emmett's shoulder.

"Emmett, they're not here to hurt us," he says

Emmett however doesn't move, weighing up the situation in his mind. Rosalie on the other hand is annoyed at his behaviour. Although she is secretly pleased that he's put his life on the line to protect her, she knows the two vampires are harmless.

"Oh, for goodness sake Emmett, they are the newest members to our coven," she says, pushing him aside

He stands up slightly shocked, "What?"

She rolls her eyes at him before responding slowly, "They will be living with us,"

He turns his head to face the battle scarred Jasper and the petite and very exuberant Alice. He stands up even straighter, fully grasping the situation and smiles sheepishly, causing his dimples to appear.

The vision in my mind changes to Jasper and Emmett shaking hands and smiling before fighting one another, and then changing quickly to Alice and Rosalie shopping before flashing to Alice and I sitting on some rocks talking.

Alice claps her hands, "Oh, we're all going to get along fantastically,"

Jasper smiles indulgently at her and she flitters back to his side, hugging his waist.

"Sorry about that," says Emmett, "I kind of didn't think that through,"

"That's surprising," says Rosalie

"Why don't we fill the boys in on what they have missed?" suggests Esme before leading us all into the living room. Carlisle and Esme take a seat next to one another on the couch, while Emmett pulls Rosalie into his lap before placing a big kiss on her lips, and Alice drags Jasper by the hand onto the adjacent loveseat. The formation of the couples around me reminds me of Emmett's insensitive yet truthful comment on my loneliness. This causes Jasper to look at me intently.

_Wow, that's a lot of sadness for one person_.

I look at him curiously before Carlisle motions me to sit down next to him and Esme.

"I'll stand," I say and lean against the wall

Everyone looks at me intently for a beat before Carlisle picks up the conversation explaining the appearance of Jasper and Alice on the porch yesterday.

"Oh, can I tell the story?" pipes up Alice, raising her hand slightly

Carlisle chuckles before nodding his head.

"Well, my name is Alice," she begins

"You mentioned that," I chuckle

She pokes her tongue out at me and continues, "I don't know anything about my human life and all my memories are from when I woke up as a vampire. I know that I was somewhere in Mississippi but there was no one around,"

"You mean your creator just abandoned you?" I ask

She shrugs, "I don't know. All I know is that I was alone. Anyways," she says clapping her hands, "and this is the most important part about me and my story, is that I can see the future,"

"Holy shit," exclaims Emmett

"Language," chides Esme

"Oh come on, you can't tell me off for that reaction, she can see the _future_. That is wicked," he smiles

Alice smiles back at him. "Yes, it's pretty cool. Ever since I woke up there have been two constants in my visions and that was Jasper," she says resting her head on his chest "and you,"

"When you say 'you', who are you talking about?" asks Emmett

"Well all of you. My visions work in the sense that I can see the future depending on the decision that you have currently made, if you deviate from that decision, you change the future. So, upon waking up I could see the six of you all and you had your golden eyes, which I realised meant that there was an alternative to hunting humans. I had grown accustomed to feeding from animals when I had actively started looking for Jasper. I like to believe it was love at first sight," she states. She goes on to explain how she had waited two days in a diner knowing that Jasper was going to walk in there, but several factors delayed his arrival, but as soon as he walked in the door, she locked eyes on him and told him that he'd been keeping her waiting.

Jasper took his cue and brushed over his past, from the civil war to the vampire wars to Maria—earning a snarl from Alice—to feeling enormous guilt for taking away so much life. He revealed that he was an empath and that he couldn't keep going on the way he had been. His description of meeting Alice was like explaining someone being saved; being able to read his thoughts, I could see that he basically worshipped the ground that she walked on and that she was literally his reason for being. I am quite sure that Alice knows this and uses it to her advantage sometimes.

After spending several hours talking with Alice and Jasper, Alice asks whether we would mind if we joined their coven.

"Nah, we'd love to have you guys here," smiles Emmett

I am more intrigued about Alice's visions and seeing as she answered several questions I had while we were talking before I voiced them, I decided to play around with her to show her who had the upper hand.

"It's not as if I can reject your presence here, so why bother asking?" I state

Jasper growls softly and Alice recoils slightly, looking to the future to determine what the relationship would be between me and basically everyone else based on their presence. I try really hard to decide to hate them, and her visions change accordingly. It's quite fascinating to watch the various scenarios based on my simple test but since I'm so caught up watching everything play out, I slip and the future changes, once again showing Alice and I having a close bond.

Alice starts laughing, "you're such a jackass Edward, I totally forgot about your little power, but don't think that you have won this round," she says

"Welcome to the family," I say and hug her while the rest of the room looks at us confused over the exchange.

Carlisle slaps his knees and states that he needs to get ready for work, while Emmett says that he's going to have hot monkey sex with his wife causing Rosalie to slap him upside the head before following him out. I decide to take my leave and state that I'm heading upstairs to my room but when I walk in there it's not the same as when I left it. The wall that was filled with records and books and other memorabilia is replaced with magazines and history books. There is a large four-poster bed in place of the couch that I prefer, and the wall that used to be on the left has been altered with a huge frame leading to a large closet.

I hear a tinkling laugh before the thoughts resonate loudly in my head _Checkmate._

* * *

Alice had taken it upon herself the day that she arrived with Jasper, while Emmett and I were on our hunting trip, to take a survey of the best room in the house. I don't think that when Esme said for them to make themselves at home she meant to kick me out of mine. I had to hand it to her, she had reassured everyone with her ability to see the future that I would not care in the slightest that I was giving the best room of the house to them, since I wanted to make them feel as much home as possible as I could. Everyone believed the picture that Alice painted of me being the compassionate and sympathetic being that I was, resulting in all my possessions being relocated to the garage for the time being. I ended up claiming the spare bedroom on the other side of the house, and setting it up in a similar fashion.

After a couple of months living with Jasper and Alice, it seemed as if they had been a part of the family for decades.

Although Jasper appears really withdrawn and the night to Alice's day, he's actually a really cool guy. His time spent in the army—both vampiric and human—has provided him with ample skill to sate Emmett's love for wrestling. His calm demeanour allows him to be a great person to talk to, allowing the two of us and even Carlisle on occasion to talk hours at length about war and history.

On the other hand, Alice's personality helped her slip right in with the girls, and her ability to see the future fascinated Emmett to great ends. I was pleasantly surprised to see that her vision of us becoming close was in fact a reality, what with both of us being able to communicate wordlessly; we were often making jokes about the things around us. She knows the most out of everyone about Bella. Nothing too detailed, like that we were married and basically eloped, but about the person that she was and how she went away with her family, promising to return and never doing so.

Alice has never however been able to offer me truthful optimism when it comes to my love life seeing as she has never _seen_ anything in that realm for me. I am perfectly comfortable with that fact, because I don't know how I could be with someone that isn't Bella. It isn't that I am punishing myself for the past or holding onto the memory of Bella with dear life—ok maybe there is some truth to the last part—but my mind literally can't fathom the idea of loving someone that isn't her. I guess I have never given it a try, but why bother when I am only going to end up hurting that person. I have accepted the fact that Bella is gone, I truly have, but I am more comfortable with roaming this Earth for the rest of eternity alone than entertaining the thought of half-heartedly entering a relationship or throwing away my virtue to satisfy my sexual desires.

Jasper understood where I was coming from on this point. In fact, the whole family did, seeing as they were as much invested in their mates as I seemed to be in regards to Bella. The main reason Jasper understood on a deeper level than just the typical ties a vampire had with its mate was because he could feel my emotions. Whenever I thought of Bella, he told me that it was such a strong feeling, and it was as deep as what he had with Alice. He had once commented that when I was thinking about her nostalgically, he doesn't have the power to contain my emotions and sometimes lets the sadness slip to others. He said that the sadness wasn't just gloom but this heart-wrenching pain that had the ability to cause you physical pain.

As much as I love her, I hadn't visited Bella's grave since I had rebelled from Carlisle and Esme fifty years ago. I had an underlying feeling that she could see everything that I had done and would be so ashamed that I would literally _feel_ her hating me. I know it is slightly irrational, but I can't take the chance of her feeling anything akin to hatred toward me even if it isn't directly. I hate myself for what I had done, and I don't need her to hate me as well. If I am being honest with myself, I know that if I go there, I would dig myself a huge emotional hole that I doubt I would be able to get out of. I shake my head, no, I can't go back, she's already always in my thoughts, I didn't need her hindering my life any more than that.

"Yo Eddie—"

"_I like Edward, it's just…you," she says, "Don't let anyone ever call you anything else,"  
_"_I won't, I promise," I say  
_"…_Well, except for me," she smiles brilliantly  
_"_Of course," I laugh softly  
_

"Emmett, how many times have I told you not to call me Eddie?" I ask annoyed

"I haven't been keeping an exact count but I know that it was to be several dozen by now,"

"And what do I tell you every time you call me anything but my name?"

"That you won't listen to what I'm saying,"

"Good, so did you want to try talking to me again, or are you talking to someone by the name of Eddie?"

Emmett rolls his eyes, "fine, _Edward_, are you ready to go?"

I groan, "I don't understand why we have to go there,"

Carlisle pipes in, "Edward, you are free to stay here, you know that,"

I groan again, "Yes, you have offered me that opportunity several times, but I find it to be too rude to decline this invitation since they are such good friends of yours,"

Emmett laughs, "Dude, it's the 70's you don't have to sound like Mr. Darcy all the time,"

Carlisle chuckles as well.

"What are you laughing at?" I ask, "You were probably _friends_ with Jane Austen,"

Jasper comes in laughing, "Don't try to shift the focus away from you Edward, we all know you are freaking out over this weekend,"

"I'm not _freaking out_, I just don't _feel_ like going,"

"I think I can tell you that you are in fact feeling; apprehension, slight fear and even guilt," he finishes softly

"I am not feeling guilty," I lie. I was in fact feeling guilty. My hand rubs my chest where I can feel my wedding ring resting. I was feeling guilty because I was married and I was about to spend the next—however long we decide to stay—in the Alaskan wilderness surrounded by three succubus's who I don't doubt would hover around the only unmated vampire there...me.

**A/N: so what did you think? I'm very curious as to how you guys think Bella and Edward will reunite! Thanks for reading, please review :)**


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